So much better for you to long for what you can never have, than to get it and have to face the reality of it. I assure you, when you realize the reality of this...

Successfully resisted a honeypot approach by Russian intelligence. One lingering concern: how did the Russians find out I like honey?

When the gain is greater than the pain, I’ll be there, telling you how we can both profit from your productivity. That’s what love is about.

Sure I eat my feelings, but I save the emotional roller coaster for dessert

Have you ever noticed how ‘What the hell’ is always the right decision to make?

I think I am, therefore, I am… I think.

I’ve written for those who want to learn, truly learn, about a community with which they aren’t familiar. Or for those who have preconceptions but can admit they may not be entirely accurate (and, in...

I never fail. It’s just that the people around me succeed more than I.

I’m willing to forgive and forget, but damned if I’ll be forgiven and forgotten.

I meet people to know I’m not alone, and I network like an astronaut on the moon. Tom James is the Neil Armstrong of #Networking.

I slowly climbed the porch steps while wondering, what exactly did Elias know about my life in London; what precisely was wrong with his mind…And what was the heaviest item in my bag.

World domination is just my side gig.

If my semen had chunks of crumbled brick in it, would you use yogurt to try to impregnate your fireplace?

If you Have ever Fainted, You Are a stranger in the land of the dead!

Secret 0.59179. When an asset quits, make sure to collect their cover docs, commo hardware, and any countries they were running for you.

Now she sat in their dining hall, a book in her lap but unread while she stared blankly across the room.Bercelak’s kin kept themselves busy by sharpening weapons, reading, talking, or setting things on fire...

You forget, darling.I am the local psychopath.

Everything’s temporary…until it’s not.

A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

I have 26 silly faces, each represents a different letter of the alphabet. So while you think I am grimacing over what you are talking about, I am really spelling out I love you.

…all members of Congress should be required wear NASCAR uniforms. You know, the kind with the patches? That way we’d know who is sponsoring each of them. I think he was kidding; they’d never be...

Scaling doesn’t scale.

When I see a beautiful woman, my heart doesn’t go “Thump, thump.” It goes “Hush, hush.” I’m very secretive about my feelings.

Another relative?” Valek asked.A broad smile stretched Moon Man’s lips. “Yes. I am her mother’s uncle’s wife’sthird cousin.”–Valek and Moon Man

Love has a way of making the sane insane and the insane normal.

A brick could be broken—shattered—and then given as a gift, a jigsaw puzzle.

My name is Hope Happy, and I am a pessimist.

No brain at all, some of them [people], only grey fluff that’s blown into their heads by mistake, and they don’t Think.

The problem with the Peter Principle is that it assumes somebody somewhere is competent in the first place.

I couldn’t steal an idea. Not even if my clone came up with it. But I could steal your heart—even if my clone had it stored in a cryogenic freezer.

Sherry Carroll is a real life Penny Lane and one wonders if she hasn’t got Cameron Crowe or Lester Bangs hidden somewhere in her suburban basement.

I act delighted, but I have zero interest in these Capitol people. They are only distractions from the food.

I don’t own a cat. My cat owns a human.

There are four quarters in a football game. That’s natural, because that’s 100%. I’m a 75% kind of fan, because I’m all about the quarterback.

All the kids from daycare are in dreamland.The froggie has made his last leap.Hell no you can’t go to the bathroom.You know where you can go?The f**k to sleep.

Actors are so fortunate. They can choose whether they will appear in tragedy or in comedy, whether they will suffer or make merry, laugh or shed tears. But in real life it is different. Most...

She made my heart melt, so I replaced it with a new candle. Love is illuminating.

Wisdom of the Ages “Assault and Battery” Weather forecast for the St. Louis Rams next Sunday in Seattle.

Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.

Politics.

This is why it is important never to pick or smell flowers, and to always wear headgear when admiring them.

Motivational Secret of the Week: You are not a statistic. You are a datum used in the calculation of a statistic.

I believe that because I had obtained a wife who was made up of wife-signs (beauty, charm, softness, perfume, cookery) I had found love.

Disappointment came to me,and booted me,and bruised and hurt me,but that’s how people grow up.

YOU FEAR TO DIE?”It’s not that I don’t want… I mean, I’ve always…it’s just that life is a habit that’s hard to break…

Think of me as an impetuous Hegel, drunk with power, and also, regular drunk.

We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)

Lowkey punchdrunk off this Sangria-sweet love and all it’s prodigious trappings…

Secret 7591037. Anything they can do to you, they can do for you; and anything they can do for you, they can do to you.

We’re distant cousins. He’s my first cousin, but he’s 5,000 miles away. And he doesn’t talk much.