Liquid kittens would be drinkable cuddles. You wouldn’t ever be thirsty for love.

A: ‘Lam mo, Naisip ko kagabi kung ba’t nilalagay sa pera mukha ng mga bayani Eh… Para matauhan naman ‘yung mga kurakot sa twing makikita nila ‘yun.B: Asus. Gudlak. ‘Di epektib.KatahimikanB: Dapat mga nakadrawing sa...

And now you’re off to Port Caynn. Watch them sailor lads. They’ll have your skirts up and a babe in your belly afore you know what you’re about.””Everyone keep warning me about sailors,” I complained....

Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.

Leadership is being the first egg in the omelet.

Never under estimate the power of words. I believe my pen may actually be the sword helping me to break through black shatter proof glass that’s been standing between me and my brighter past.~PoetQs

You flatter me shamelessly. I like it. Good.

While they had security escort me out of the building, they couldn’t forcibly remove the trophy from my anus. If love were a competition, I’d be the winner.

An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it.

Ish #19 “If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?

If hitting an unexpected speed bump with your car equates to the best sex you’ve had lately, you know your hormones are sending you a signal.

I want to be the mayor of a small town. A small town I populated entirely with my seed.

You can’t really yell at your boyfriend for stealing your seat and your best friend. You also can’t yell at your best friend for stealing your boyfriend. Or you can…but Hi seemed like a much...

Two decaying racehorse carcasses would make a great bathtub. I’m a fast lover.

I sleep hard; I dream harder!

Database Management System [Origin: Data + Latin basus “low, mean, vile, menial, degrading, ounterfeit.”] A complex set of interrelational data structures allowing data to be lost in many convenient sequences while retaining a complete record...

I knew something was there, precisely because I hadn’t found anything and the space seemed empty. That’s also how I’m searching for love.

My coffee cup didn’t come with a sleeve, but that’s OK, because I’m wearing a tank top.

I had a dream about you last night… you were a giant slinky and I watched you fall down the stairs.

Everybody needs a career manager.”- Lady Macbeth

It’s important for us to explain to our nation that life is important. It’s not only life of babies, but it’s life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons of the Internet.

If a picture paints a thousand words, then a naked picture paints a thousand words without any vowels….

The moment seemed endless, but it was probably only half that.

My Love Machine is tough. It’s built like a tank. At night I’m romantic and so Sun Tzu I’m Moon Tzu. Come, let me make you howl.

I love coffee, and coffee loves me. You know what else loves me? Hookers in hot paper cups.

After a dream like that, you’re grateful that it was just a dream, that no matter how bad your actual life, it couldn’t be worse than your dream life.

Not my circus, not my monkeys (but definitely my 27 clowns piling out of a car).

You can share in my joy, but I don’t want to share my misery. No, I want to give away my misery. Go ahead, take it all.

Loving someone is sticking a pin through a voodoo doll and not hitting any vital organs

I didn’t want to die – not before I’d finished reading The Return of the Native anyhow.

I try not to sell myself short, unless I’m giving myself a great price on the stuff.

I’m a miner, and I’m always dirty, because I’m constantly digging. Am I shoveling for gold? Hardly. I’m unearthing this hearty land searching for the next great American novel. If I dig deep enough, I’m...

Will speechless for once, a glass of water frozen halfway to his lips

Less road rage – but also, how about less road beatitude.

I often repeat repeat myself,I often repeat repeat.I don’t don’t know why know why,I simply know that I I Iam am inclined to say to saya lot a lot this way this way-I often repeat...

Blood is thicker than water, and so is diarrhea

She met a dashing man —he was, a dash.

Nothing is more romantic than being able to park in a handicapped spot.”

Coffee is made from beans. Burritos also have beans in them, although I’ll admit a burrito isn’t as drinkable as a cup of coffee.

My friends never seem to yell at their kids. Even when their kids are behaving hideously, they pull them aside and say, now sweetie, you know you shouldn’t, blah, blah, blah. Please don’t yadda, yadda,...

Not knowing is more than half the battle. – National Clandestine Service motto

Three men walk into a bar. The third guy’s name is 333. The first guy’s name is The Second Guy, and the second guy’s name is I’m Not Lying. One of these men is not...

I glanced up to see Liz and smiled. “Thank you.” “I just went along for the ride. After that happened-” She waved at Derek. “You know how blind people need Seeing Eye dogs? Well, apparently...

You here to finish me off, Sweetheart?

My name is Sam (my name is Am), and I am my own fan. I’m a clone of Jarod Kintz, and he supports my message.

I want to type one of my books into a free online translation website, and convert it from English to German and then publish the results as an exercise in the absurd.

If you enjoy sticking a straw in a dog’s ear, don’t sit next to the pooch with a milkshake.

Control is under the situation.

Soul mates are said to be two souls destined to be together, programmed to recognize each other across time and space. I didn’t know whether that was the truth, but I was inclined to believe...

My foggy brain slid away and— And I was still dressed in only my bra and panties. Well, at least it’s a nice set of bra and panties. Yep, these were the thoughts going through...