A towel, [The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy] says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth...

It will be like having an extreme close-up in high definition to examine each freckle, while failing to notice whether the person is even wearing pants.

Let’s carpe the hell out of this diem.

Says O’Sullivan to me, “Mr. Fay, I’ll have a word wid yeh?” “Certainly,” says I; “what can I do for you?” “Sell me your sea- boots, Mr. Fay,” says O’Sullivan, polite as can be. “But...

Is it time for your period, or something?” With unerring instinct, he’d found a great big red button, and pushed it. Wyatt fights to win, which means he fights dirty. I understand the concept because...

Really?” Claire said, and couldn’t help but smile. “That’s what creeps you out. Waxing. You can take on vampires and draug and killers, but you’re afraid of a little chest-hair pulling?

I’m so lowbrow that I don’t want to grow a unibrow, but I do want to grow a unicycle on my forehead.

I toss and turn so much in my sleep that the very act of sleeping must be exhausting for me. Sleeping makes me want to sleep even more.

strong medicine” could be good or bad, just like the laxatives she was forevertalking about. Good for makin’ the mail move smooth, but too much and you shit yerbrains out.-strange angels

There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.

Small men oft feel a need to prove their courage with unseemly boasts,” he declared. “I doubt if he could kill a duck.”Tyrion shrugged. “Fetch the duck.

Joy, humor, and laughter should be part of everyone’s spiritual life. They are gifts from God and help us enjoy creation.

Maybe I should let my faithful manservant answer the rest of your questions, since he seems to have all the answers.””I’m saving her time,” Bodie replied. “She brings you a redhead, you’ll give her grief....

I’m twice as twice as the guy in second place. My love comes first.

If jellybeans came in a broader flavor base that included emotions too, I’d avoid the red ones, because they would taste like rage.

It’s not wrong to hustle hustlers. It’s like killing murderers, a public service. -Damon Salvatore

Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm’s Thermonuclear League of Liberty. Ms. Wormwood: See...

I am different, just like everyone else. And as such, I celebrate by being the same. The world won’t see a truly unique person until the first human clone arrives.

They say opposites attract. Nobody ever said opposites live happily ever after.

…I take photographs and I film my own home movies, I have a darkroom as well… but I can’t be a photojournalist like you… I can’t be anything… still, at least I can take photographs,...

I tell people, “Yeah, I went to Harvard University.” What I don’t tell them is I was only there for five minutes delivering a pizza.

Pride must be a summer thing, because it “comes before the fall.

Between video games and texting, how do our youth find the time to know everything?

I liked things better when I didn’t understand them.

A Spaniard and a Pole worked in the barbershop where we got our hair cut. An Italian shined our shoes. A Croat washed our car. This was America.

If you can’t forgive and forget, then pick one and do it …

The common denominator of all jokes is a path of expectation that is diverted by an unexpected twist necessitating a complete reinterpretation of all the previous facts — the punch-line…Reinterpretation alone is insufficient. The new...

I have outsourced my love to India. Call a call center if you want to hear how I feel.

I keep my phone on vibrate, and I keep it close to my genitals. You should call me. A lot.

He’d spent so much time in the penalty box for fighting last season, he’d been tempted to hang a picture and maybe set up a lava lamp, it had felt so much like home

Don’t mock my suggestions, Ridley – one day in the near future, they might just save your life.” Maxwell D. Kalist.

If I see a homeless person begging for change, I might give them money, if they’ve got change for a nickel.

The Theist tells us that the truth is god exists,the Atheist tells us that the truth is there is no god,while the truth tells us we don’t know.

Just like a woman to do things on her own time.

We made love like the three minutes between 3:32 and 3:34. My endurance is even worse than my math.

I had a dream about you. I was Nowhere Man, and I was there for you. I was as transparent as the current Presidential administration is invisible to the plight of the poor.

No. Don’t distract me with your sexy talk.

RULES OF FAIRYLAND-BELOWBEWARE OF DOGANYTHING IMPORTANT COMES IN THREES AND SIXESDO NOT STEAL QUEENSA GIRL IN THE WILD IS WORTH TWO IN CHAINSNECESSITY IS THE MOTHER OF TEMPTATIONEVERYTHING MUST BE PAID FOR SOONER OR LATERWHAT...

It has been our experience that American houses insist on very comprehensive editing; that English houses as a rule require little or none and are inclined to go along with the author’s script almost without...

In the action business, when you don’t want to say you ran like a mouse, you call it ‘taking cover.’ It’s more heroic.

Gregor werd nog roder. En toen werd hij groen. Ik knipperde een paar keer met mijn ogen, maar hij was nog steeds groen, met rode ogen. Net de Hulk: hij werd steeds groener en griezeliger...

Popular kids are just a powerful union of needy, insecure losers.

Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.

It was a scary thought. A man could be surrounded by poetry reading and not know it.

My phone started to vibrate and I flipped it open. Yes, I’m the only person that doesn’t have an iPhone.The phone talked to me. “Jackson, how’s it going?””Hi, Echo. Veeva Stackpoole’s here.”Silence. “What does she...

We made love like September swims in August. But that’s natural, because it’s too cold to go swimming in October.

I think a man’s “wordplay” can be so fucking sexy!!! I love a good mind fuck!!

If you know your Bible and your Shakespeare and can shoot craps, you have a liberal education.

My life was unbalanced. That is, until I found love and grew a second leg.

The Googleplex Star Thinker is a super-computer from the Seventh Galaxy of Light and Ingenuity and has the ability to calculate the trajectory of every single dust particle during a five-week Dangrabad Beta sand blizzard.The...