This was a vagrant of sixty-five, who was going to prison for not playing the flute; or, in other words, for begging in the streets, and doing noting for his livelihood. In the next cell,...

Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.

creativity starts’ with a simple master piece

The best way to deal with tiredness is to sleep it off.

Artemis grit her teeth. “I need a favor. I have some hunting to do, alone. I need you to take my companions to Camp Half-Blood.” “Sure Sis!” then he raised his hands in a “stop...

I had a dream about you. You were saving your love for another man, so I gave you a bigger Ziploc bag to save it in, because if you’re going to make that relationship work,...

What New England is, is a state of mind, a place where dry humor and perpetual disappointment blend to produce an ironic pessimism that folks from away find most perplexing

Murder has made you practically one of the family.

The best way to dig yourself out of a hole, is with a dead guy’s fingernails. Then, once you’re out of the hole, finish burying that dead guy before the cops arrive.

Nothing gives you confidence like being a member of a small, weirdly specific, hard-to-find demographic.

Writers were a strange sort; I knew that much from the newspapers.

The three now faced the moving wall. Trapped, like the last fries in a box with a hungry kid ready to pounce. They had no way to escape.

Sure, I’ll have sex with you—for twenty bucks.” Geez! For half that I can get twice the value, in two twins and a ham sandwich down at the trailer park. Sure, the combined age of...

Hey, mister, I don’t think so. You go outside and yell at sky, you so angry.

Don’t you have a house to blow down?

I have the ostrich of an asshole. I also have the asshole of an ostrich. With these two things, I have everything I need. Well, aside from love.

Objection!” Metz shouts.Grounds?” the judge asks.Well…he’s my witness!

I am Ebenezer Snooze, and I am frugal with my sleep. I buy warm coffee cold, so I can get a discount.

The ultimate downfall of the computerized holographic receptionist was that there was no amount of flattery, flirtation or chocolate that could convince one to lie for you.

Tyrion let the eunuch help him mount. “Lord Varys,” he said from the saddle, “sometimes I feel as though you are the best friend I have in King’s Landing and sometimes I feel you are...

She started dialing his cell, then hung up and tried the landline — maybe Margaret was a better bet to pick up; their parents’ generation still felt morally obligated to answer phones.

I think I’ve discovered the secret of life — you just hang around until you get used to it.

I can understand that you love to dance, because I can’t dance.

…flames moved towards himand dropped within-singed and marred his tender skin …(the frightful plight tale)

I fell in love with a raincoat. Well, at first. Then later I fell in love with the woman wearing it.

If I owned Texas and Hell, I would rent out Texas and live in Hell

The most the average person probably reads in a day is a STOP sign or two. And based on how people drive in Jacksonville, I don’t think they even read that much.

Har. Bloody. Har.

Identify your Radar – it’s your brain functioning optimally; not a vague intuition or cosmic sixth sense.Train your Radar in key areas like: evaluating people, personal safety, healthy relationships, physical and mental well-being, money and...

Ma’am, I can take either you or your purse, but I can’t take both. And honestly, I’d rather take your purse.

Time changes nothing, girl, but the size of your underwear. . .and hopefully your hairdo.

There is nothing more enjoyable than being a member of an enlightened group of people that meets in complete darkness in complete secrecy. I have no idea why the other members joined, when they joined,...

They ought to make it a binding clause that if you find God you get to keep Him.

Says O’Sullivan to me, “Mr. Fay, I’ll have a word wid yeh?” “Certainly,” says I; “what can I do for you?” “Sell me your sea- boots, Mr. Fay,” says O’Sullivan, polite as can be. “But...

You gotta make it a priority to make your priorities a priority.

In those moments it’s hard to remember that an angry voice is an invisible thing incapable of drawing blood.

I’m so lowbrow that I don’t want to grow a unibrow, but I do want to grow a unicycle on my forehead.

Got it. Demon. Death. Doom.

I don’t want a home, but I do want to buy a lot that I like a lot.

Sometimes I think I must have a Guardian Idiot. A little invisible spirit just behind my shoulder, looking out for me…only he’s an imbecile.

Small men oft feel a need to prove their courage with unseemly boasts,” he declared. “I doubt if he could kill a duck.”Tyrion shrugged. “Fetch the duck.

Life’s a shit sandwich, my ass. Life’s a polka and don’t you forget it!

I told Ing once that she dances like a German and she didn’t like it, but it’s true: she dances seriously, like lives are hanging in the balance, like precision dancing can save the starving...

I’m twice as twice as the guy in second place. My love comes first.

One man’s deviance is other man’s lunch break.

Renaldina told Renaldo and Renaldo told me, so that’s two points for possible miscommunication, especially when you consider that she’s deaf and he’s blind, so it went through two language variations and two incompatible methods...

Lampaxa Vorheridine? My Latin was never very good. What does that Translate to?” “Um, nothing. It wasn’t named by an Earth scientist. According to the database it was named by a Cheblookan aboard a frieghter...

I am different, just like everyone else. And as such, I celebrate by being the same. The world won’t see a truly unique person until the first human clone arrives.

So, Belle, what’s new today?”Dad,” I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes. “I’m in the deepest love that has ever occurred in the history of the world.”Gosh, Belle. When someone asks...

Obelmäker always suspected Kalist of being a driven man with a determined selfishness that verged on sociopathic, but he actually appears to be suffering for once, in a humane way, like one who has been...