Humor is just another defense against theuniverse.

I’ve been accused of vulgarity. I say that’s bullshit.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

If you’re quiet, you’re not living. You’ve got to be noisy and colorful and lively.

Every human being has hundreds of separate people living under his skin. The talent of a writer is his ability to give them their separate names, identities, personalities and have them relate to other characters...

I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I’m one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.

Everything we do in life is based on fear, especially love.

As long as the world is turning and spinning, we’re gonna be dizzy and we’re gonna make mistakes.

The only thing we don’t have a god for is premature ejaculation… but I hear that it’s coming quickly.