A friend of Diagoras pointed out an expensive display of votive gifts and said, ‘You think the gods have no care for man? Why, you can see from all these votive pictures here how many...

Careers are not made in a family business, they are born – by patricide. Then they die from neglect, and avoid the tragedy of being put out of business.

A brick could be used as a substitute for the brother I never had. It seems ridiculous, but I’ve always wanted a brother who was smarter than the average politician.

An old man with overalls walked by; I don’t think old people should wear overalls; it makes them look like shrivelly toddlers.

A brick could be modified to be a cell phone, for construction workers who miss the easy to find cell phone size of the 1980s.

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

I can’t tell my ass from a hole in the ground. Especially if that hole is hairy and emits foul odors.

Every time you strip my sword, I owe you a kiss. How’s that sound?” I bit my lip to keep from giggling. “That sounds really dirty.” Patch waggled his brows. “Look whose mind just rolled...

I coiled my empty straw wrapper around like a snake. Then I bit it before it could bite me. My love is as dangerous as my drinking habits.

Finally, this being America, there is the constant possibility of murder.

Poison.” he said, deadpan. “That’s an unusual name to give your child. You must love her very much.”She’s a treasure.” Bram agreed, blithely ignoing the sarcasm…..Then went a few dozen feet in silence, until they...

A poet or philosopher should have no fault to find with his age if it only permits him to do his work undisturbed in his own corner; nor with his fate if the corner granted...

Did I hurt you in the parking lot?””No, m’lady. I fell, so I could put a tracker on your car.”Great.

Once upon a time, fairy tales were AWESOME!

I had a dream about you. The Thursdays were back, and with them they brought hope. They were selling, and everybody was buying. I tried telling the people they shouldn’t buy, because if they just...

When someone gives you advice, just ask them to give it in writing and they will either keep mum or will run from there.

She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names.

I hate witches. Humans had the right idea, burning them at the stake.

Rose unearthed three crystal goblets that almost matched, and even found a tablecloth that hadn’t been attacked by moths since its last public appearance.

I don’t do drugs anymore… than, say, the average touring funk band.

In the absence of a cat, I’d consider cuddling with a synthetic fur coat. Especially if your dead grandma was wearing it.

If they mean that it gives you a headache, they aren’t wrong.

If given the choice, I’d take five ones over a five-dollar bill, because women prefer men with lots of money.

He would have shaved the centaurs, dipped them in honey, covered them with feathers, and hung them up like a bunch of pinatas. I’m just saying.” – Warren

My high school teachers didn’t call me “The Babe Ruth of the Bicycle” for nothing. It’s too bad they didn’t call me that, because it was accurate.

After all, if spinster chaperons required their own spinster chaperons there simply wouldn’t be enough to go around.

When I find the wind to say I love you, it will be breezy, like a hurricane.

No, I believe in the good will of the United States’ administration.

I wanted to tell her I loved her, but I chickened out, like a beef taco. The crunchy kind, not the soft shell.

A brick can be used to represent the zero probability of this book being any good.

Love is an award you win by losing—or giving it away. Trophies collect dust, but love is the ultimate prize.

When there were no customers, he thought about geometry. He tried to perform the Pythagorean Theorem on the light fixture above him, given his estimate of its circumference, but he failed. He wanted to be...

The Eiffel Tower doesn’t look like a penis. My penis looks like the Eiffel Tower. What’s not to love about a Love Stick shaped like the symbol of the City of Love?

That, they never could lay their heads upon their pillows; that, they could never tolerate the idea of their wives laying their heads upon their pillows; that, they could never endure the notion of their...

In my mind, she was Lebkuchen Spice—ironic, Germanic, sexy, and off beat. And, mein Gott, the girl could bake a damn fine cookie … to the point that I wanted to answer her What do...

The same beautiful receptionist greeted Christian who had met him before and she extended the same lush invitation as she had the last time. Victoria’s eyes narrowed and Christian chuckled under his breath at her...

I’d want to have sex with myself. All the time.

Don’t go to the circus.

Tomorrow I’ll be 24 hours longer than I am today. My love for you grows every minute, and pretty soon it will be 120 seconds tall.

STYLE IS NOT HOW YOU WRITE IT IS HOW YOUDO NOT WRITE LIKE ANYONE ELSE

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

… an artist should paint from the heart, and not always what people expect. Predictability often leads to the dullest work, in my opinion, and we have been bored stiff long enough I think.

I hear that all too often.

He could do with some lunch. Especially since that bastard Sloane gave his Cheesy Doodles away. What kind of guy does that? A bastard, that’s who. Did he not respect the male code of honor—thou...

I shot a deaf man. And just to be sure, I used a silencer.

Most people are idiots

I don’t hate you.. I just don’t like that you exist

Tambua vitu vya muhimu katika maisha yako ijapokuwa unaweza kuacha alama katika dunia bila kujitambua baada ya kuondoka.

You try almost dying, being chased, thenhopping in a car with a complete (horny)stranger.

She told me she loved me. She told me a lot of things. Some of those things were true, and some of those may or may not have been true. It’s kind of hard to...