Yeah” while the guy peeing next to you is talking, try a more positive affirmation, like pinching his butt cheek.

What the hell happened to your leg?” Ang asked him. Matt looked down at his shin, which was scraped and oozing and seemed to be caked in mud. “Crashed.””Crashed what?” Ang asked. “My mountain bike....

I am the burrito wrapped up in a blanket. Eat my warmth.

I’m rarely rude except accidentally, and that doesn’t really count…

I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: “Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.

One quick glance around the room and I realise that I have somehow stumbled into a wannabe serial killer convention. Every single person in the room looks as if they are concealing a weapon of...

Bricks could be used as words in the saying of a mason. When words and actions match up, you have a structure people could live in. It’s a lot to live up to, and a...

I wasn’t concerned, but I was thinking that the fastest way to get your mind off him and on me would be to tell you something truly appalling about him.

A brick could be placed down on the first step on the path to enlightenment.

If you do bad stuff and don’t repent, you go to hell,” Orc said, like he was begging for a refutation.”Yeah, well, you know what? If Howard’s in hell, I guess we can all have...

Well, anyway, this’ll be easier than knocking an elf out of a tree. Trust me.”How many elves have you knocked out of trees, Stubble?”Duraden’s bones! Have ye never heard of a figure of speech?

All my memories seem to happen to music. Memories of my mother and father; waking up early on Christmas morning; the little apartment we lived in above the disco.

Because she left him a MySpace message that was semi-flirty, and then today he was very vague about what he was doing. So I headed over to his house and waited outside until he left....

I like going into nature and that’s where I’m happiest.

WINE!Because these problems aren’t going to forget THEMSELVES!

What’s the difference between Yo Mama and a 747?-About 20 pounds.-Yo mama carries more passengers.-Not everyone’s been on a 747.

If somebody tells me what to do, I will do my best not to do it.

A milli-Helen is enough beauty to launch exactly one ship

Well,’ Cinder finally grumbled. ‘I guess that was pretty fast thinking.’ A relieved grin filled up Thorne’s face. ‘We’re having another moment, aren’t we?’ ‘If by a moment, you mean me not wanting to strangle...

You know you’re a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.

You’d be surprised how expensive it costs to look this cheap.

Smack your child every day. If you don’t know why – he does.

Don’t be so damned patronizing. Your performance so far has been a little less than dazzling.””I didn’t mean no harm,” I said and kissed her. “That a new dress?””Ah! Changing the subject, you coward.

That kiss you gave me was the hottest kiss i’ve ever had. I pulled away because i was afraid i wouldn’t be able to stop myself from ripping off your clothes. And that didn’t seem...

Federal prison, if you get any of it, you’re going to have to do 85% of it. And the reason why I called it that is because I had a friend who got sent to...

She didn’t say it, I only thought she said it. So really it was my thought, my words, and not hers. How could I confuse “I love you” with “May I take your order?

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Jim said he believed it was spirits, but I says: no, spirits wouldn’t say “dern the dern fog”.

Two become one when two are in love—or when the waitress asks about our dinner bill. I’ll pay next time, I promise.

An idea hit me so fast I didn’t pause to analyse it. I just acted. My body might be constrained, but my head and neck had just enough freedom to shift up-and kiss him.My lips...

A brick is a biographical film in which a young orphan brick from the wrong side of the track grows up to be one of the most important bricks in all brick kind, as it...

A poem for Beth: Roses are red, Violets are blue, I didn’t know what love meant, until I looked it up in the dictionary.

Maybe.

Pah! You don’t know us as well as you think.”This was a disturbing prospect.

Owl love you forever

I do miss Saturday Night Live, that’s for sure. There’s nothing like it. I just hosted, and I felt I’d only been away for a week.

Neden adam onun kalbini yemiş?-Çünkü bazı erkekler canavardır.-Kadın neden onu seviyor?-Çünkü bazı kadınlar canavarlardan hoşlanır.-Ben de mi?-Bilmem. Sen de mi?-Ben normal canavarlardan hoşlanacağım-Büyük konuşma, seni de göreceğim.

hurry up and wait.

Brother Wolf gave Anna an amused look and then went back to being scary.

Being dead wasn’t supposed to hurt. Where was the fairness in that? If I was dead, the least the universe could do was make it painless

He laughed and was about to retort when she grabbed his collar and pulled him into her. She clamped her lips around his mouth and mashed her face into his. He took a step back...

The medium is the message, the message is encrypted, and the encryption key is controlled by NSA.

Somehow the idea of Montgomery as a fairy doesn’t have the same effect on me as it appears to have on you.-Raphael

I just recently figured out how mirrors work. Pretty cool. That guy always hungrily staring at my naked body was me!

Elizabeth.”I feel my smile on my face as I understand what she is doing. Though it’s a strange one, she has a name-sound just like I do, and she’s telling me what it is. I...

I have the feeling we just made a deal with the devil, and he’s going to come back and want our first-born child or something.”Daemon waggled his brows. “You want kids? Because you know, practice...

Look at what you’ve done,’ Sanguine said, shaking his head with mock severity. ‘You have foiled out insidious little plot. You have emerged triumphant and victorious. Curse you, do-gooders. Curse you.

I surround myself with books when I write, thus surrounding myself with writers… only they don’t critique me and then get up for coffee.

I would never say snog. I would say osculate.” She looks at me as if to say: why do you exist?

What are we going to do when we get into the temple, anyway? Are we going to fight our way through the Necromancers on our own?””No, we’re going to find a way to let our...