Well,” he said, “I think we’ve found our way in. We just wait until they’re duking it out, but trust me, these Humans First types don’t have a lot of staying power or they’d have...

No, I believe in the good will of the United States’ administration.

I wanted to tell her I loved her, but I chickened out, like a beef taco. The crunchy kind, not the soft shell.

I didn’t say that! I find you completely resistible.

A brick can be used to represent the zero probability of this book being any good.

Love is an award you win by losing—or giving it away. Trophies collect dust, but love is the ultimate prize.

…Alright, Mandy Valems,” Alecto agreed.

When there were no customers, he thought about geometry. He tried to perform the Pythagorean Theorem on the light fixture above him, given his estimate of its circumference, but he failed. He wanted to be...

The Eiffel Tower doesn’t look like a penis. My penis looks like the Eiffel Tower. What’s not to love about a Love Stick shaped like the symbol of the City of Love?

Altman was told they wouldn’t do the film with me. He could easily have abandoned me, but he stood by me and really bailed me out.

That, they never could lay their heads upon their pillows; that, they could never tolerate the idea of their wives laying their heads upon their pillows; that, they could never endure the notion of their...

In my mind, she was Lebkuchen Spice—ironic, Germanic, sexy, and off beat. And, mein Gott, the girl could bake a damn fine cookie … to the point that I wanted to answer her What do...

And then came the three-toed sloth. Stupid sloth. It was a crazy-looking beastie, all arms and bristling grey fur; its body was a blob, the kind of shape a six-year-old would draw for a pig,...

The same beautiful receptionist greeted Christian who had met him before and she extended the same lush invitation as she had the last time. Victoria’s eyes narrowed and Christian chuckled under his breath at her...

I’d want to have sex with myself. All the time.

I have this beautiful antique silver wine decanter that I bought at an auction. I always pour wine from that.

Don’t go to the circus.

Tomorrow I’ll be 24 hours longer than I am today. My love for you grows every minute, and pretty soon it will be 120 seconds tall.

We are racing down Main Street. Arthur is right on the tail of a blck sedan with tinted windows that won’t pull over. He slams the horn.”Arthur,” I say.The car doesn’t yield.”Arthur,” I say.He hits...

STYLE IS NOT HOW YOU WRITE IT IS HOW YOUDO NOT WRITE LIKE ANYONE ELSE

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

Oh, I love you, June, I really do. It’s just that you sounded so…twat-ish just then.

… an artist should paint from the heart, and not always what people expect. Predictability often leads to the dullest work, in my opinion, and we have been bored stiff long enough I think.

I hear that all too often.

No punching?” he asked.”No.””No kicking?””No.””How about arm wrestling?””No. And before you ask, we’ve avoided Slug Bug, Slap Bets, and any and all Dance-Offs.”Fate Succumbs

He could do with some lunch. Especially since that bastard Sloane gave his Cheesy Doodles away. What kind of guy does that? A bastard, that’s who. Did he not respect the male code of honor—thou...

I shot a deaf man. And just to be sure, I used a silencer.

Loki’d!

Most people are idiots

I don’t hate you.. I just don’t like that you exist

I am a teacher. Pay close attention – this will be on the test. You don’t wreck buildings. You don’t take children hostage. And you don’t threaten people with violence. Okay class dismissed. Looks like...

Tambua vitu vya muhimu katika maisha yako ijapokuwa unaweza kuacha alama katika dunia bila kujitambua baada ya kuondoka.

You try almost dying, being chased, thenhopping in a car with a complete (horny)stranger.

She’s Prim’s size in diameter.

She told me she loved me. She told me a lot of things. Some of those things were true, and some of those may or may not have been true. It’s kind of hard to...

A blanket could be used to trap and contain love. I’ve tried other stuff, like a Ziploc bag, a can of tuna, and even a dead cat’s stomach, but nothing seems to be able to...

Good so be would you if, duff plum of helping second A,” said the Bursar. The table fell silent. “Did anyone understand that?” said Ridcully. The Bursar was not technically insane. He had passed through...

Poetry destroyed? Genius banished? No! Mediocrity, no: do not let envy prompt you to the thought. No; they not only live, but reign, and redeem: and without their divine influence spread everywhere, you would be...

A brick could be used as a book cover. Talk about hardcover!

I’m as famous as I want to be.

The two keys to success as a sportswriter are: 1) A blind willingness to believe anything you’re told by the coaches, flacks, hustlers and other “official spokesmen” for the team-owners who provide the free booze...

There are times when it is appropriate, even preferable, to get an erection when someone’s face is in close proximity to your penis.This was not one of those times.

A mouse never entrusts his life to only one hole

You know, the funny thing about Lorne and that show is that, you can go over one million things, but in a business of bean counters, he still likes to laugh at small things and...

It was kind of funny to me. When you come to an opposing team’s ballpark and something happens that may have not gone their way, they’ll let you know about it. He thought it was...

A brick could be used like a duck could be used like a cat. My duck soup is meowing to be manhandled by a construction worker.

I’m a little bit naked, but that’s okay.

A brick could be used to dink like a dunk, if the thunk of the think has enough verticalocity to it.

We weren’t really friends yet, just knowers of each other’s secret stuff.

A blanket could be used to express my condolences. I’m sorry to have to tell you I’m sorry, but that’s life, you know?