There is strong. There is Army Strong. And then there is Army Wife Strong.

We haven’t spoken in forever, but that doesn’t mean I still don’t love her. That’s what being in love with a mute is all about.

If politically Afghanistan is left alone, Afghanistan people is left alone, they will mend their own fences, they will form their own problems.

We ate soup in the pouring rain. I said I liked it, even though it was a bit too watery for my taste. Then we made love like two rainbows sizzling in a pan like...

Courtiers never look like fools, or engage in hard work if they can’t make it look easy. Conquering the world is a sweaty business, and perspiration always betrays.

I asked what year the car was that was sitting in the driveway, but what I meant was how long had it been parked there. If it’s been there since 1982, I’ve been in love...

You know what they say, Two pairs a company, cheese a croud

I say that I’m not into you like that, Camryn, because..,” he pauses, searching my face, looking at my lips for a moment as if deciding whether or not he should kiss them again, “…because...

Her brain is like a filing cabinet – everything neatly stored in categories. My brain is more like soup – everything all blended and mushed together.

I want a coffee machine that runs on gasoline and drives me to work. We can make love in the backseat, next to the cream and sugar.

Suspicion,” he said. “Directed by Alfred Hitchcock. He’s a genius.” “Starring Cary Grant.” When Lucas gave me a look, I added, “You have your priorities, I have mine.

Yes, chickens aren’t sexy. Uh…I don’t think they’re meant to be.

Ever been expecting guests for a dinner party & had to clear up a massive LEGO space-station before they arrived? (Who needs kids to play?!)

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there’s never any gum under any of them.

Miłość jest jak wędlina: jest salami i jest mortadela.

If you ever find yourself in a blender with a banana and an orange, just start throwing karate chops.

Okay, well I think the programme is like being screamed at for an hour by a drunk with a strobe-light, but like I said–

Here, why don’t I carry that for you?” I was in stupid love.

And I was all, “Don’t be gross, you crustacious fuck. You pull that thing out and I’ll pepper-spray you until you fry.” (You have to be stern with weenie waggers–I’ve been exposed to on the...

Take it as a compliment. I only try to corrupt people I like.

Are ye ta’en with the swindle or the turn-sickness? Or are ye out of your wits?

Leap out the window, my inner Tigress cried. You aren’t ready to face such a powerful Tiger. I frowned. I thought a true Tigress never backed down from a fight. Don’t you know anything? When...

The only time I drink milk is when I drink coffee. I make love the same way—contributing 2% as I just sort of lay there.

Bricks could be used to promote social progress. If we could amass enough bricks to build a prison big enough to cage every citizen, then everybody would be equal. And I think our current political...

Abandoned babies are unfortunate unwanted results of a once urgent desire to have an orgasm

A blanket could be used as a makeshift trampoline, to attract midgets to your picnic. The great thing about dining with dwarves, is since they are little people, they eat very little.

The old woman was the kind who would not cut down a large old tree because it was a large old tree.

A brick could be used as another brick, as they all look the same. So yes, I am for human cloning as a means to build the future.

I expect what you’re not aware of would fill several books, Dursely.

You were with Margo Roth Spiegelman last night? At THREE A.M.? I nodded. Alone? I nodded. Oh my God, if you hooked up with her, you have to tell me every single thing that happened....

It has nothing to do with Paris and everything to do with my raw sexuality, baby. I’m fucking irresistible,” he growls just before he shoves his tongue down my throat. I can’t argue with that.

This means that I don’t have to run faster than the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal, I just have to run faster than whoever is with me when the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal starts chasing us.

The bad news is most of my books are ebooks and aren’t for sale in brick-and-mortar bookstores. The good news is that most of my books are ebooks and are perfect for emailing and I’m...

A sobering thought: what if, at this very moment, I am living up to my full potential?

A brick could be used to cool your drink, like a large ice cube.

Bob had a dog buscuit stuck to his head. “How does he always get food stuck to him?” I asked Morelli. “I don’t know,” Morelli said. “It’s a Bob mystery. I think stuff falls out...

A blanket could be used to let the world know how serious you are. I’m serious, it could work. Try wrapping your naked body in a blanket and showing up to a job interview and...

I know who I am. Bloody hell, I’m getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, ‘cos if I’m not, I have no idea who I’m paying for.

A brick could be used to simulate a war opponent. Especially if your nemesis is paraplegic and without transportation.

Cat, hmmm? From where I sit you look more like a Kitten.”My head jerked around and I shot him an annoyed look. Oh, I was going to enjoy this, all right. “It’s Cat,” I repeated...

A blanket could be used as wrapping paper, to give the gift of a cat.

A woman is always better in everything with the mouth; she talks a lot.

A brick could be used to paint a mural of your favorite politician. It doesn’t matter how accurate it is, just so long as people can tell it’s a snake.

No one cares how long you kept yourself virgin and how loyal you are, everyone is looking for a hole to play with.

A blanket could be used to battle the cold, but not battle an army with swords, bayonets, and other sharp objects (unless the opposing army is armed only with sharp words).

Everyone talks about his funny throwing motion. But to me it’s an advantage. The ball gets out quick.

We men are fascinated by the things we don’t really understand. It gives us something to think and talk about: like females, they drive us nuts.

Would you settle for a bruised apple?”I laughed.

A blanket could be used as a screen to project animated bedtime stories onto, and also a place to project your fears about society not being accepting of adults who watch movies directed at an...

He checked out his surrounding. More books. A drinking fountain. A poster showing a guy slam-dunking a basketball with one hand and holding a book in the other, urging kids to READ! Weird, thought Steve....