Life is like Tetris; if it doesn’t fit, just flip it over

Kiss the girls and make them neither confirm nor deny.

Agatha’s love had wings like a penguin. Certainly this was a plus in the cold winter months. But our relationship never really took flight. It was grounded like a 747 minus 748.

Let’s just stand still. Maybe whoever it is won’t notice us. It’s dark out anyway.” Both boys knew it could just be someone from the local village but their hearts were starting to beat faster...

She was an idiot. An adorable, gorgeous, feisty, funny, sweet, sexy idiot.

If I were alone with my clone, and we were enjoying each others’ solitude, I’d have finally have met a man with whom I could hold a conversation consisting entirely of the repetitive response, “Yes,...

Claire found herself staring at his feet, which were in bunny slippers. Myrnin looked down. “What?” he asked. “They’re quite comfortable.” He lifted on to look at it, and the ears wobbled in the air....

Critics claim to see no evidence of CIA’s new policy of transparency. Well duh.

I have alchemised my love for Agatha, and turned it into gold, which is the embodiment of Orafoura. I am the Elixir of Love–hot, cold, dry, and moist, I am the quintessential element: Jell-O. Agatha...

Do you never get exhausted being so wholly unbearable?

Zeb was kindergarten teacher–a good one. I always thought it was because he was the same emotional age as his students.

Love is the hero of all emotions. My love for you is a superhero, and it looks great hidden behind a mask.

Peyton, I’m not married and you’re not a lesbian. Think of the possibilities.

I didn’t come from a broken home – more like deliberately imploded.

I believe there are three tenants to live by in this apartment called Life: Love is empowering, Fear is motivating, and Passion is fruit.

…I take photographs and I film my own home movies, I have a darkroom as well… but I can’t be a photojournalist like you… I can’t be anything… still, at least I can take photographs,...

Love? Love is for children and poor people…

Don’t be afraid to be afraid. Have fear, and then conquer the shit out of it.

I couldn’t care less about being a presenter at the Oscars.

A blanket really makes the bed. Good thing too, because I never make the bed.

Susan is just great. I know I’m biased, but she’s a great actress.

A cat purring on your lap while you sip hot tea, is there anything better? Oh, and you’re floating in a zero gravity environment.

I was obsessed with being rich and famous.

A brick could be wrapped in plastic and sold individually to toddlers as toys. (Warning: Bricks can be harmful if swallowed. If ingested, please contact a physician first, and then the manager of a circus.)

Orlando had a Pinto, a car that hadn’t been in existence for thirty-plus years. He still hadn’t figured out why a strong, strapping werewolf would want one. Orlando said it was because he’d customized it....

I’m so paranoid that everyone starts to look like everyone. I convince myself I’m a con named Vince. My lips are thin and tight, but my tongue is broad and loose. I’m taking my secrets...

loosing character is not easy, behind lots of hard work

I’m running a marathon. I won’t be jogging, walking, or sprinting, but I will be overseeing it.

[Thou] mad mustachio purple-hued maltworms!

Unrequited love is the only possible way to give yourself to another without being held in indentured servitude.

Growing up, I used to practice Invisibility Technique Number Twelve, which I took from the Book of Orafoura. IT#12 simply states: Act like a tree and hope your opponent can’t see the trees for the...

Ish #303 “It’s a street food vendor! Stop asking for the health score rating.

Having good intentions isn’t enough when actions fail; you also need some bad intentions so that you look competent.

My erection at noon causes an elongated shadow so black you’d think I was an albino.

I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in thyeyes—and moreover, I will go with thee to thy uncle’s.

When someone gives me either a democratic or republican pamphlet, I throw it in their face. I’m a librarian, damn it! We only take book donations.

My two legs are like one pretzel when I sit on the floor. If only love were so intertwined.

Holy broken nose, Batman!

First people lose their hair, then their vices, then their motivation. Then a toupee brings it all flowing back.

A blanket could be considered part of performance art, if you’re inconsiderate and steal all the covers while we’re asleep—and film me shivering and twitching in the night.

(About sweeping)….What he was in FACT doing was moving the dirt around with a broom, to give it a change of scenery and a chance to make new friends.

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

There are shades of schadenfreude. My favorite shade is bright red, from a haughty spanking.

It makes you more open, it gives you perspective, having a child.