For loose teeth the tooth fairy recommends tying your tooth to a brick and throwing said brick down the stairs.

Love is a tomato. And while it’s true that I can live without a tomato, I could sure go for some ketchup.

That honest enough for you?

Everyone has someone to call on when they’re down, let me be that someone when that ones not around.

I visited Seven Sisters Inn, and all I got was a gun pulled on me. But that’s OK, because I brought a spare pair of underwear. Oddly, I didn’t find the man who stuck a...

Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they’d lock us up?”All the time.

Neden genetik?-Hmm… Çünkü takıntılı ebeveynlere hayallerindeki iBebek’leri tasarlamaları için yardım etme hayalim var. Beyaz ırk, zayıf, sarı saç, mavi göz, sağlıklı, mümkünse erkek, mümkün olsun erkek olsun lütfen doktor hanım, sayısalcı ve heteroseksüel.

I’m not a very good sleeper. But you know what? I’m willing to put in a few extra hours every day to get better. That’s just the kind of hard worker I am.

As I get older, I just prefer to knit.

Be honest with yourself; set the alarm for the time the Real You will get up, not the Ambitious You, because the Ambitious You doesn’t really exist.

Too bad Americans can’t export Awesome, because I have boxes and boxes of the stuff just lying around in my attic.

Lift your chin, darling, you are not eighteen.” I enjoyed his honesty. Also, I’m pretty sure he says that to models who are nineteen.

Maybe we should have gone with him,” he said, a few minutes after his friend was lost to sight.”Three of us would make four times the noise he will,” Halt said.Horace frowned, not quite understanding...

I pretend he doesn’t exist, and he does the same with me.

As quiet as dead mice.

I’m sure I look like a drowned cat.””You look fine. The wet look works for you.”I scowled. “Now I know you’re lying.

Skul-man!’ he exclaimed as he rushed forward to shake his hand. ‘Last I heard you were trapped on a dead world overrun by evil trans-dimensional superfiends!’ Skulduggery nodded. ‘Just got back.

I like going back and writing fiction.

The Doctor put his finger to his lips and Martha nodded and followed him as quietly as she could. Wet leaves squelched under her feet. There was movement up ahead: two teenagers, a pale boy...

Finding the book was like kissing a lightning bolt.

I had a dream about you. We were standing next to each other, and a stranger asked for the time. My watch said 3:32, and yours said 3:33. I got concerned because somewhere I’d lost...

I rubbed at my temple, where the zit was gone. It still hurt a little , though, deep under the skin. I hate those zits that burrow underground. You think they’ve vanished, but no, they...

The easiest way to get from point A to point B is with a vehicle that runs on alphabet soup.

I did some acting in high school, I knew I really liked it.

Wedded she some years, and to a manOf fifty, and such husbands are in plenty;And yet, I think, instead of such a ONE’Twere better to have TWO of five and twenty…

Sqwaak!” from Fletcher, the environmental crime fighting parrot in The Big Belch graphic novel by Kay Wood.

The Minister of Transport issued this appeal to motorists: Can anyone give him a lift to Leicester?

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to.

I have the dance moves of a mustache, and a singing voice that sounds like a beard on the inside of my cheeks. Carry my love like karaoke in your pocket.

All lines are gray in the dark.

I once asked an old Japanese man why Japan decided to team up with Germany during WWII, and do you know what he told me? Well, you would if you speak Japanese, which I don’t.

He says black, I say white and we do grey

I want my relationship with my girlfriend to be built on trust, not toothpicks, rubber bands, and lentil beans.

I find it interesting that Jesus was born the same day every year and rises from the dead a different day every year

If you want to know my story, you have to go back to the beginning. Not the beginning-beginning, but about nine months later. You see, I was born as a poor farm boy. Believe it...

Secret 80916003. If it doesn’t hurt when they snatch it, it isn’t worth dangling.

When a guy at the urinal says to me, “If you shake it more than twice, you’re playing with it,” I like to look over at him, grab his ass, and say, “Shh. I’m about...

I want to make something of myself. I believe it’s called a statue.

Energy equals staff times the speed of life scared.

When I’m in a relationship, I love like a burrito. And if you’re a taco, don’t talk to me. At our core we may seem similar, but trust me, we are two different items on...

Secret 9.6. When writing a contact report, the term ‘intense vocalization’ should be used in place of words like ‘moan,’ ‘pant’ and ‘sigh.

I have discovered that the easiest way to make my nose appear smaller is to wear a Speedo on my head.

My biggest regret as a CIA officer? The agents I didn’t recruit. I just wish there’d been a hell of a lot more of them.

I am innocent! But only because the opportunity to partake in an activity that would render me guilty has not presented itself.

Executive Intelligence Summary: Machine out of order. New order, on order.

Agatha had so much love she could fill a room. A room filled with strange men, which she often did. I don’t care if every single man in that room looked exactly like me, they...

There is no future. You’ll see.

Love is the emotion that a woman feels always for a poodle dog and sometimes for a man.

While my radar gently beeps.

I have the Denver Omelet of accents. And considering I’m from Denver, it makes sense. Now if I also lived in Cheeseland (Wisconsin) it would make perfect, yummy sense.