That’s ridiculous, my good sir.

…it was not considered right for a man not to drink, although drink was a dangerous thing. On the contrary, not to drink would have been thought a mark of cowardice and of incapacity for...

Alcoholism is above all a disease of denial.

Lovecraft says he knows about tentaclesbut that motherfucker never bedded a girl from West Chesterand survivedShe was a toothachethat oneand she tasted like crackthe best thing about her was if I was ever hungryI could...

What?” he asked. “You’re staring at me funny.””We’re in the wrong movie,” I confessed.

I too have drunk and seenthe spider

Did you ever think it won’t be the undead who kill us, but ordinary people?

The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.

As I was walking past Tony Pastor’s I saw Pat, the lesbian bouncer, throw a drunken young sailor out into the street. The sailor said, “That place is full of fucking queers.” He swung at...

Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That’s what we’re shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.

So they gave me love in form of poison and tiny little pills, programming my emotions, teaching me how to feel. To act correct and talk correct and answer without knowing the question, because that,...

I plead the fifth—and then I drank it. I was drunk on love, but wouldn’t admit it. I was also drunk on whiskey, but the breathalyzer outed me.

Buddy eyed me closely. His eyes were filigreed with red. I watched as he went through one of those instantaneous mood swings that only drunks and menstruating women can manage.

Sometimes if you get ’em too drunk they don’t pay no attention to what you’re doin’ anyways, so you might as well just do old songs. But if you get one that’s paying attention, sometimes...

What I learned in this tragedy was the eternal lesson of good people going bad.

Her voice was small and distant, like she’d already left the room.

I didn’t want to be DRUNK. IN. PUBLIC. I wanted to be drunk in a BAR. I was THROWN. into. public.

Nothing spells trouble like two drunk cowboys with a rocket launcher.

Alice opened the door when I rang. She had on green pyjamas and held a hairbrush in one hand. She looked wearily at Quinn and spoke wearily: “Bring it in.”I took it in and spread...

Go to bed, you fool,” Calcifer said sleepily. “You’re drunk.””Who, me?” said Howl. “I assure you, my friends, I am cone sold stober.” He got up and stalked upstairs, feeling for the wall as if...

Could the two people who are making out please be quiet?” the Colonel asked loudly from his sleeping bag. “Those of us who are not making out are drunk and tired.

I’m done peeing now.””Thank you for letting me know.

When I lifted up the skin, a fat kidney worm dripping with gore raised its bald, blind head and glared at me.

I’m sorry, but why does Claire know how to take a punch? I’m not sure I like where this is going,” Carter said nervously. “Well, last year Jim made us watch Fight Club for like,...

I guess in my beer-soaked mind it would all just magically work out, and she’d be so happy to see me she’d forget about everything else. Because everybody loves having the drunken self-pitying boyfriend banging...

On the way down the hill we walked three abreast in the cobblestone street, drunk and laughing and talking like men who knew they would separate at dawn and travel to the far corners of...

When I die, remember to remove my body from the cooler before you start making the hunch punch. But by all means, do get drunk on my memory.

An empty bottle of Jack is almost just as beautiful as a new and unopened bottle…in the same sense as looking down at muddied feet, and looking back the way you came. The journey you’ve...

Friendship isn’t partying with a group of people to get drunk or chatting with him/her once a week, it’s exactly the opposite. Friends make sure you get home safely and they help you when you...

You have had me spinning for days, for I am drunk off the words that flow endlessly from your deep red lips that taste of wine.

If you’d saved the girl, you’d be a hero. Next time.

I make no excuse for what happened. Drunkenness is never more than a symptom, not an absolute cause, and I realize that it would be wrong of me to try to defend myself. Nevertheless, there...

To be now a sensible man, by and by a fool, and presently abeast!

After an hour of gliding though the crowd and two glasses of tepid wine later, Penelope had reached the spiritual state of being merrily tipsy. It was that perfect state when everything starts looking wonderful...

I am clumsy, drop glasses and get drunk on Monday afternoons. I read Seneca and can recite Shakespeare by heart, but I mess up the laundry, don’t answer my phone and blame the world when...

Maybe some folks are alcoholics and others are just voluntary drunks. Maybe some folks drink due to body chemistry and others due to their lazy characters. Maybe some have drinking problems, while others have problems...

Never thought I’d intentionally sleep on a bathromm floor next to a toilet while sober, but I meant it when I said I would sleep anywhere with her.

I was sprawled out in my usual position on the couch, half asleep but entirely drunk, torturing myself by tearing memories out of my mind at random like matches from a book, striking them one...

We are born. We die. Somewhere in between we live. And how we live is up to us. That’s it.

For an instant I saw before me the young girl this used to be.

A good wine has many qualities, I think. If drunk moderately, it is healthy and good for your heart.

Where had he been? Drinking, obviously. Then she started cataloging all the ways he was worthless. On fool impulse, as his most potent available argument against Lily, Bud stuck his hands into his coat pockets...

If we could all drink ourselves to innocence, I’d be guilty. And I mean that in a way that I don’t mean that.

The honky-tonk bartender, who doubled as bouncer, waiter, and cashier, was in no mood to compromise. Mercy was not in him. He came out around the open end of the long counter, waddled threatening across...

Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It’s like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!

These are the words of a fool: I am happy to be a fool, for i won’t spend my time gazing at lines difficult to decipher, while my mates are drinking with glee.

There’s nothing worse than delivering bad news to women. I hoped I wouldn’t get good at it.

There are hours for rest, and hours for wakefulness; nights for sobriety and nights for drunkenness—(if only so that possession of the former allows us to discern the latter when we have it; for sad...

How many beers do y’all think it takes before one internationally scientist turns to another and says, ‘Dude, bet you twenty bucks I can levitate a frog with a magnet?’ ‘ Sam drawled.

They’re professionals at this in Russia, so no matter how many Jell-O shots or Jager shooters you might have downed at college mixers, no matter how good a drinker you might think you are, don’t...