(About a cookbook…)- What about this one? Maids of Honor?- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor…but they ends up Tarts.

He was too smitten by his second wife and the sons she produced easily and regularly at eighteen-month intervals to bother too much about a daughter.

An Ass put on a Lion’s skin and wentAbout the foreset with much merriment,Scaring the foolish beasts by brooks and rocks,Till at last he tried to scare the Fox. But Reynard, hearing from beneath the...

This was all splendid stuff for Luciaphils; it was amazing how at a first glance she recognised everybody. The gallery, too, was full of dears and darlings of a few weeks’ standing, and she completed...

What do writers look like?

During the Cold War of the 1950s, American spies were issued eyeglasses with thick, clunky frames. If captured, they were trained to casually chew the curved earpieces, where fatal doses of cyanide were cast inside...

They who suspect a Mephistophiles, or sneering, satirical devil, under all, have not learned the secret of true humor, which sympathizes with gods themselves, in view of their grotesque, half-finished creatures.

Oh, so do I. I remember George as always that kind of guy, he had your back, whenever you’d think to watch your back, you’d find him somewhere around there, ready for action with that...

His joy was a release of Paul’s conversion, not the heavy backslapping practical-joking humor of the Victorians, nor the cynical satire or the flippancy of the twenty first century mass media, just the gift of...

Perhaps the god who had made the Cat People intended them as a joke. They had schools, but no education; politicians but no government; people, but no personal integrity; faces, but no concept of face....

Man is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn’t straight

Murder is only killing in the wrong place.

Elane scan the room and takeing in the white antiseptec decor of Buzzfeed office in Soho. Her eyes land on a wall decoratien, a glareing yellow butten about the size of a parasol. It read...

We were putting into these gomers our fear of death, but who knew if they feared death? Perhaps they welcomed death like a dear long-lost cousin, grown old but still known, coming to visit, relieving...

Next door to the Bensons is Emmet Frag, a retired pacemaker who is credited with inventing the notion of happiness. He’s currently working on a method for categorising ducks based on their singing voice. He’s...

We pay people and reward them for greed and sleaze . When a sex tape gets made a star is born with a publicity agent on speed dial a six figure pay cheque and a...

When asked, “Why do you always wear black?”, he said, “I am mourning for my life.

I’m sorry to disturb you, madam,’ said Nurse, ‘but I thought I’d better speak to you. It’s about Miss Delia’s knickers’ she continued, after a glance at the Vicar and a rapid decision that his...

She’s been, but she’s coming back,” he said. “I expect her every minute. Ah! there she is.”This was rather stupid of Stephen. He ought to have guessed that Lucia’s second appearance was officially intended to...

Trying to be offensive for the sole purpose of being offensive should always deem one the least offensive of offenders.

We,Seth, Emperor of Azania, Chief of the Chiefs of Sakuyu, Lord of Wanda and Tyrant of the Seas, Bachelor of the Arts of Oxford University, being in this the twenty-fourth year of our life, summoned...

Though firm, we are never too firm, though we love fun, we never have fun in a silly way that makes us appear ridiculous, unless that is our intent.

Satirize wickedness if you must–but pity weakness.

I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed,...

You didn’t make her sue you, even if you did punch her at that wedding.

I tossed my shoulders and swaggered away, whistling with pleasure. In the gutter I saw a long cigaret butt. I picked it up without shame, lit it as I stood with one foot in the...

General assumptions often lead to erroneous conclusions, but one cannot go far wrong in always assuming that whatever one’s government is saying is a lie.

I have considered the impudent accusations of Mr Dawkins with exasperation at his lack of serious scholarship. He has apparently not read the detailed discourses of Count Roderigo of Seville on the exquisite and exotic...

By the standards of a tourist strolling past looking for a quick lunch, the place was a dive. The sign on the window was small and easy to miss, and the antique feel of the...

Since my trips to Earth, I’ve only managed to assemble a few basics facts about humans, condensing them in to four, overall points: kids got Reese’s, teens got recess, adults got recessions, and seniors got...

It is proved…that things cannot be other than they are, for since everything was made for a purpose, it follows that everything is made for the best purpose.

The PM glanced a look of pure malevolence. A terrifying glimpse into what madness, ego and naked ambition it takes to lead a modern democracy.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? Who will guard the guards?

It was the first time.”The woman looked at Rat again, harder. The silence was more painful than the words. What she had just heard went beyond plain immorality. It was ridiculous.

Have I not told youdinosaurs were past glorythey extinct big time.

A satirist is never certain whether he/she will be acclaimed or punished.

Nobody could catch cold by the sea; nobody wanted appetite by the sea; nobody wanted spirits; nobody wanted strength. Sea air was healing, softening, relaxing — fortifying and bracing — seemingly just as was wanted...

A fellow who once manipulated the money in your wallet but now curses the fellow who does.

Ich meine, die Bibel hat doch alle Ingredienzien eines Dan-Brown-Bestsellers. Völkermord, Inzest, Vergewaltigung und irgendwas Abgefahrenes mit Religion.

Some people in orthodox churches in Africa take poverty as a path that leads to heaven, making christianity look unattractive.

You are either on Wall Street or you’re a bum and there’s nothing in between.

Clever is when one is crafty enough to mistake your imagination for intelligence. Smart is when one assumes they are too educated to notice the difference.

That’s not a religion, that’s Pokemon.

He had also spent a day and a half without sleep trying to start an online petition to bring back the advert for Nationwide Building Society which said Dunroamin, twice, but half the through the...

I’m not scared of death, I just don’t want to seek it out.

There is no point in poverty if it does not make a rich man, observing it, feel better.

Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

While pensive poets painful vigils keep,Sleepless themselves, to give their readers sleep.

Marcia was silent a moment. Then a sort of softer gleam came into her angry eye.”Tell me some more about her,” she said.Adele clapped her hands.”Ah, that’s splendid,” she said. “You’re beginning to feel kinder....

I wouldn’t dignify it with the name immoral.