I know what ails you.

A huge meringue with polio who drives everywhere in a beautifully restored Hillman Imp.

When a sex tape gets made a star is born with a publicity agent on speed dial a six figure payout and a line of tacky lingerie in the works

Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

While pensive poets painful vigils keep,Sleepless themselves, to give their readers sleep.

Marcia was silent a moment. Then a sort of softer gleam came into her angry eye.”Tell me some more about her,” she said.Adele clapped her hands.”Ah, that’s splendid,” she said. “You’re beginning to feel kinder....

I wouldn’t dignify it with the name immoral.

The way I saw it, if my students were willing to pretend I was a teacher, the least I could do was return the favor and pretend that they were writers.

Changing the name, from India to Bharat doesn’t matters me. Whatever the name, she deserves respect and will remain close to my heart, Ever!

… they only trusted the wisdom of people brighter and more worldly than themselves when it was expressed in the vocabulary and style of rural idiots. In his guise as Brazenydol, he had once had...

It was madness to leave without your useless shit. You came in with it, you left with it–that was how it worked. What would you use to clutter a new office with if not your...

preemptive strike n.A blow or punch delivered by military aircraft to a target who is suspected of being adverse to one’s plot for world domination.

Eric, you need to look at the whole picture,” the PM said. “You look at the jobless as a huge pile of scrap and you’re looking for what can be recycled. That’s good. That’s your...

Presenting a rational argument to a person who has forsaken the use of reason is like asking a vegetarian to eat a cheeseburger.

Women, when they kill themselves, choose far more romantic methods – like slashing their wrists or taking an overdose of sleeping pills.Abandoned princesses and Hollywood actresses have provided numerous examples of this.

F***ing triffids.

She wore an A-line bridal gown with a V-shaped neckline while Apollo playing Bach’s Air on the G string.

Do you believe,” said Candide, “that men have always slaughtered each other as they do today, that they’ve always been liars, cheats, traitors, ingrates and thieves, weak, fickle, cowardly, envious, greedy, drunken, miserly, ambitious, bloodthirsty,...

My main regret in life is that there is no MacArthur Fellowship awarded in the field of Panda Satire.

Later in the week Mr Knox’s Annie bicycled over to see Stoker and ask her to waive the lien which she had on her sister’s services, as they would be required for the weekend.’She’s having...

Can’t say what impresses me most about my followers – their good looks, their incredible intellects, or their immunity to cheap flattery.

Ah! good Sir! no Whores before Dinner, I beseech you.”[Love’s Last Shift]

Her heart was broken perhaps, but it was a small inexpensive organ of local manufacture. In a wider and grander way she felt things had been simplified.

There was a certain amount of initial argumentation about the “meaning” of the balloon; this subsided, because we have learned not to insist on meanings, and they are rarely even looked for now, except in...

If there is a god, I think he has a sense of humour. He does not require human beings to protect him from satire.

I replied that England (the dear place of my nativity) was computed to produce three times the quantity of food, more than its inhabitants are able to consume, … But, in order to feed the...

Da gibt es mal wieder eine große internationale Systemkrise’, sagt das Känguru kopfschüttelnd, ‘und dann kommt einer an – noch dazu ein Banker – und sagt: >Schuld haben nicht etwa die Politiker, die Banker, die...

Occasionally, the horrors of life in North Korea do show up in our American satire.

My pen shall heal, not hurt.

A short poem from my book:PerspectiveOf coursethere is a hellshe saidand it hasan observation deck;so I maystand and waveto all those kindsouls belowwho warned meI would go there.

Divorce is a marital welfare. It’s just couples asking society to bail them out because they didn’t do enough research before they got married. How is that our fault? Don’t drag down my country’s statistics...

Oh yeah, well I suddenly realises that she’d only been with my boyfriend at the Co-op Christmas do when I were eighteen. So I grabs her head and I stuck it through a display of...

Poverty, hatred, war, police-criminals, bureaucracy, insanity, all symptoms of The Human Virus.

Marriage is the legal method devised to end love without pain.

The people heard it, and approved the doctrine, and immediately practiced the contrary.

He’d been given an assignment to write about teen beauty pageants […], which he’d accepted because he enjoyed blood sports as much as the next person.

The expected battle hadn’t taken place, yet something else had. Images of the entertainment which had just gone down were already coming back into Rat’s head. It had been wonderful to watch, unbelievably wonderful, the...

Are we looking at each other suspiciously when colour-blind cured.

Satire is the antidote to Pollyanna and Dr. Pangloss. It focuses our gaze sharply upon the the contrast between things as they are and as they should be.

I cannot think well of a man who sports with any woman’s feelings; and there may often be a great deal more suffered than a stander-by can judge.

I mean emotionally, women are like Bruce Lee and we’re like Donald Duck. An’ I think a lotta guys are afraid of that.

There is a sort of mental treasonThat smothers dreams outside of reason

When you are gunning to be like other people, you are foolishly repeating their mistakes, and the worst of it all is that you can’t even correct yours.

But when did this anger take root? When snakes first appeared on the national scene? When water in the bowels of the earth turned bitter? Or when he visited America and failed to land an...

staying focused.” Right! My pants are on fire, and she’s handing me a crash course in Psych 101!

Not another word, not another thought, not another sniffle. If you need to pass gas, I pray you’ll clench your backside and keep walking until we are certainly alone.

Next door but one is Quinlan Broddle, a Viceroy with a fear of gardens. So much so that he sold his garden to Virgin Atlantic and his erstwhile front lawn is now a runway where...

Everyday she loses a bit more of herself , every day another nail in her coffin house payments medical bills and middle aged isolation

Grammar, n. A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet of the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction.

Poetic justice, with her lifted scale,Where, in nice balance, truth with gold she weighs,And solid pudding against empty praise. Here she beholds the chaos dark and deep,Where nameless somethings in their causes sleep,Till genial Jacob,...