The Money River, where the wealth of the nation flows. We were born on the banks of it-and so were most of the mediocre people we grew up with, went to private schools with, sailed...

I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me.

Boggle with sex addicts is up there with go-kart racing with junkies.

Don’t let your girlfriend cut your hair!

Had the facial plumage been of a paler hue it would have looked like a pile of horse crap on a winter’s day.

Kara knew all he recognized was T and A on a string and he was nothing more than a sleazy puppeeter , so long as there were souls for sale he was ready to buy...

It takes a lot of wind to sail a leaky boat.

Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one’s voice.

Our town was known for two things–no, three: salted fish, expertly dyed fabrics, and corruption.

Miss Mapp moved towards the screen.”What a delicious big screen,” she said.”Yes, but don’t go behind it, Mapp,” said Irene, “or you’ll see my model undressing.”Miss Mapp retreated from it precipitately, as from a wasp’s...

We put our flags in soil when we arrive, as if it now belongs to us and we know where we are.

The walking tour guides one through the city’s various landmarks, reciting bits of information the listener might find enlightening. I learned, for example, that in the late 1500s my little neighborhood square was a popular...

After we deal and heal…NOT A A SHRED OF EVIDENCE EXISTS THAT LIFE IS SERIOUS…..Jan Marshall

She is probably by this time as tired of me, as I am of her; but as she is too Polite and I am too civil to say so, our letters are still as frequent...

Today’s generation didn’t want to watch ancient actors reciting the same tired lines. They wanted to see themselves reflected onscreen –rude, raw, entitled. These kids needed to believe that they themselves were only one daring,...

I am fashionably unimpressed with the material world. I am moved by the beauty of aspiration, and I hope that I can elevate myself to the standards I have imposed on others.

One might be led to suspect that there were all sorts of things going on in the Universe which he or she did not thoroughly understand.

The universe is a million billion light-years wide, and every inch of it would kill you if you went there. This is the position of the universe with regards to human life.

messiah” from his mission. If the Ballister acquisition was Norm’s cross, as everyone seems to think it was, then it was Norm who chose to bear that cross. And pride that nailed him to it.

Also unfortunately, Congress is far too busy asking if baseball players are really as strong as they seem and trying to choke bankers with wads of cash to grant more funds to such trifling matters...

On the other side of St John’s house is a fake egg timer who can’t maintain an erection. He shares the property with a glossy beef burger called Tom, who has been painted by a...

Imitating someone is the mediocre way of getting humanity back to what we evolved from.

The worst mistake a writer can make is to assume everyone has an imagination.

As much as I think about sex, I can only with extreme difficulty conceive of myself actually performing the act. And here’s another thing I wonder about. How could you ever look a girl in...

But that’s men all over … Poor dears, they can’t help it. They haven’t got logical minds.

The German Censors —— —— —— —— ———— —— —— —— —— —— —— —— —— ———— —— —— —— —— —— —— —— —— ———— —— —— —— —— —— —— —— —— ————...

As long as there is life, my dear friends, laughter will be the weapon of we who mock it even as we struggle to understand it.

The only grown-up other than Jacob who ever came into his schoolroom was Eli Willard.School was in session one day when the Connecticut itinerant reappeared after long absence, bringing Jacob’s glass and other merchandise. Jacob...

Um auf das Faltblatt für Leberpillen zurückzukommen, so trafen die Symptome ohne jeden Zweifel auf mich zu, vor allem das der ‘generellen Aversion gegen physische und mentale Anstrengungen’. Man kann sich gar nicht vorstellen, wie...

But by what I have gathered from your own relation, and the answers I have with much pains wrung and extorted from you, I cannot but conclude the bulk of your natives to be the...

terrorism n.Violence for political purposes or the politically motivated threat of violence which, either intentionally or unintentionally, challenges the state’s monopoly on political violence.

Fortunately the essence of this revelation did not escape Mary despite the angel’s obscure speech, and, much surprised, she asked him, So Jesus is my son and the son of the Lord, Woman, what are...

Jersey Shore has killed more brain cells than alcohol, cocaine, and meth combined.

Here’s an easy way to figure out if you’re in a cult: If you’re wondering whether you’re in a cult, the answer is yes.

Nothing helps your partner keep his mind on Jesus more than having a sign of His love tanned on your primary erogenous zones.

…the very greatest satire, I came to think — the kind that lives forever — ultimately grew out of a debunking attitude toward the self. To see the world mock-heroically was necessarily to engage in...

No one washes their hands after they piss unless they’re in a public place. If I’m at the airport, or a restaurant, and someone else is there, I’ll soap up for the sake of civilization,...

You will be very visible in the company photo, also the website and any other marketing materials. There’s no way to avoid it. The photo will only be scheduled when you are in the office,...

And you are certainly not the pine-scented air.There is just no way that you are the pine-scented air

…he’d assumed their relationship would go on forever. It was going on now, but in another way, like the rearrangement of the stars, which were all still in the sky, just burning in unexpected places.

One of the problems has to do with the speed of light and the difficulties involved in trying to exceed it. You can’t. Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception...

Right now, the economy is a whole lot like a fairly good-looking brain-dead chick in a persistent vegetative coma. You can’t really wake her up, but there’s things she’s still good for.

Dear Eloisa (said I) there’s no occasion for your crying so much about such a trifle. (for I was willing to make light of it in order to comfort her) I beg you would not...

…if the verses are for a literary competition, your grace should try to win second place; first is always won through favor or because of the high estate of the person, second is won because...

She looked at her note cards and took a breath. “Why I Love America, by Hayley McDonald’s. America is the greatest group of countries in the world because we have freedom. In countries like France,...

I will say further, as an officer of an enormous international conglomerate, that nobody who is doing well in this economy ever even wonders waht is really going on.We are chimpanzees. We are orangutans.

A spirit of satirical frivolity so dominated Britain in the 1960s that one critic feared the country “would sink giggling into the sea.

The birthing wolf,Her heart fed with tenderness,Gave forth from ripe brown nipples,Food to feed the universe.

The Crusaders lead to the Knights Templar; the Knights Templar lead to the Masons; and the Masons lead to the Shriners, a secret society that controls world government, toys with our banking system, and single-handedly...

Eunice had deposited St John upon the balcony of the first-floor apartment of former Liberal MP, The Rt. Hon. Leonard Cossins, the disgraced Lord Mayor of Mitchell-Baines who had been removed from office having been...