A satirist is never certain whether he/she will be acclaimed or punished.

Nobody could catch cold by the sea; nobody wanted appetite by the sea; nobody wanted spirits; nobody wanted strength. Sea air was healing, softening, relaxing — fortifying and bracing — seemingly just as was wanted...

A fellow who once manipulated the money in your wallet but now curses the fellow who does.

Ich meine, die Bibel hat doch alle Ingredienzien eines Dan-Brown-Bestsellers. Völkermord, Inzest, Vergewaltigung und irgendwas Abgefahrenes mit Religion.

Some people in orthodox churches in Africa take poverty as a path that leads to heaven, making christianity look unattractive.

You are either on Wall Street or you’re a bum and there’s nothing in between.

Displaying vice to the mockery of men deals it a great blow. Men put up with admonition but are loath to be mocked. One might be willing to be wicked; one cannot bear to appear...

U.S. Presedent Barack Sadam Husene Obame sit in the darkened Oval Ofice at 2 a.m. wearing hes traditienel Kenyan roabe.He take one last bite of the Chicago style deep dish pizza that he has flown...

I know what ails you.

A huge meringue with polio who drives everywhere in a beautifully restored Hillman Imp.

When a sex tape gets made a star is born with a publicity agent on speed dial a six figure payout and a line of tacky lingerie in the works

Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

While pensive poets painful vigils keep,Sleepless themselves, to give their readers sleep.

Marcia was silent a moment. Then a sort of softer gleam came into her angry eye.”Tell me some more about her,” she said.Adele clapped her hands.”Ah, that’s splendid,” she said. “You’re beginning to feel kinder....

I wouldn’t dignify it with the name immoral.

The way I saw it, if my students were willing to pretend I was a teacher, the least I could do was return the favor and pretend that they were writers.

Changing the name, from India to Bharat doesn’t matters me. Whatever the name, she deserves respect and will remain close to my heart, Ever!

… they only trusted the wisdom of people brighter and more worldly than themselves when it was expressed in the vocabulary and style of rural idiots. In his guise as Brazenydol, he had once had...

It was madness to leave without your useless shit. You came in with it, you left with it–that was how it worked. What would you use to clutter a new office with if not your...

And so the result of several years of Everybody Shareskyism, other than slaughtering people, is for everybody to stand around and stare blankly at each other.

it was the hardest frost recorded since 1786.” It is just the same with wars. The war in progress is either the most righteous or the bloodiest, or the most successful, or the longest, since...

Presenting a rational argument to a person who has forsaken the use of reason is like asking a vegetarian to eat a cheeseburger.

Women, when they kill themselves, choose far more romantic methods – like slashing their wrists or taking an overdose of sleeping pills.Abandoned princesses and Hollywood actresses have provided numerous examples of this.

F***ing triffids.

She wore an A-line bridal gown with a V-shaped neckline while Apollo playing Bach’s Air on the G string.

Do you believe,” said Candide, “that men have always slaughtered each other as they do today, that they’ve always been liars, cheats, traitors, ingrates and thieves, weak, fickle, cowardly, envious, greedy, drunken, miserly, ambitious, bloodthirsty,...

My main regret in life is that there is no MacArthur Fellowship awarded in the field of Panda Satire.

Later in the week Mr Knox’s Annie bicycled over to see Stoker and ask her to waive the lien which she had on her sister’s services, as they would be required for the weekend.’She’s having...

Can’t say what impresses me most about my followers – their good looks, their incredible intellects, or their immunity to cheap flattery.

Ah! good Sir! no Whores before Dinner, I beseech you.”[Love’s Last Shift]

Her heart was broken perhaps, but it was a small inexpensive organ of local manufacture. In a wider and grander way she felt things had been simplified.

There was a certain amount of initial argumentation about the “meaning” of the balloon; this subsided, because we have learned not to insist on meanings, and they are rarely even looked for now, except in...

If there is a god, I think he has a sense of humour. He does not require human beings to protect him from satire.

I replied that England (the dear place of my nativity) was computed to produce three times the quantity of food, more than its inhabitants are able to consume, … But, in order to feed the...

preemptive strike n.A blow or punch delivered by military aircraft to a target who is suspected of being adverse to one’s plot for world domination.

Eric, you need to look at the whole picture,” the PM said. “You look at the jobless as a huge pile of scrap and you’re looking for what can be recycled. That’s good. That’s your...

A short poem from my book:PerspectiveOf coursethere is a hellshe saidand it hasan observation deck;so I maystand and waveto all those kindsouls belowwho warned meI would go there.

Divorce is a marital welfare. It’s just couples asking society to bail them out because they didn’t do enough research before they got married. How is that our fault? Don’t drag down my country’s statistics...

Oh yeah, well I suddenly realises that she’d only been with my boyfriend at the Co-op Christmas do when I were eighteen. So I grabs her head and I stuck it through a display of...

Poverty, hatred, war, police-criminals, bureaucracy, insanity, all symptoms of The Human Virus.

Marriage is the legal method devised to end love without pain.

The people heard it, and approved the doctrine, and immediately practiced the contrary.

He’d been given an assignment to write about teen beauty pageants […], which he’d accepted because he enjoyed blood sports as much as the next person.

The expected battle hadn’t taken place, yet something else had. Images of the entertainment which had just gone down were already coming back into Rat’s head. It had been wonderful to watch, unbelievably wonderful, the...

Are we looking at each other suspiciously when colour-blind cured.

Satire is the antidote to Pollyanna and Dr. Pangloss. It focuses our gaze sharply upon the the contrast between things as they are and as they should be.

I cannot think well of a man who sports with any woman’s feelings; and there may often be a great deal more suffered than a stander-by can judge.

I mean emotionally, women are like Bruce Lee and we’re like Donald Duck. An’ I think a lotta guys are afraid of that.

Da gibt es mal wieder eine große internationale Systemkrise’, sagt das Känguru kopfschüttelnd, ‘und dann kommt einer an – noch dazu ein Banker – und sagt: >Schuld haben nicht etwa die Politiker, die Banker, die...

Occasionally, the horrors of life in North Korea do show up in our American satire.