By the standards of a tourist strolling past looking for a quick lunch, the place was a dive. The sign on the window was small and easy to miss, and the antique feel of the...

F***ing triffids.

The ultimate downfall of the computerized holographic receptionist was that there was no amount of flattery, flirtation or chocolate that could convince one to lie for you.

Nothing helps your partner keep his mind on Jesus more than having a sign of His love tanned on your primary erogenous zones.