Well, child? Aren’t you going to try to turn me into some kind of unspeakable creature?I don’t think I shall bother, madam, seeing as you are making such a good job of it yourself!

Arrest her! She’s the one who killed Zak!”Why I outta… Wait Zak? I thought we all agreed he was Captain Asshole? Oh, no… Guess that was just me.

I don’t want tea,” said Clary, with muffled force. “I want to find my mother. And then I want to find out who took her in the first place, and I want to kill them.””Unfortunately,”...

We had and incident. I took care of it.””Really.” Jace’s voice dripped sarcasm. “Do you even know how to use that knife, Clarissa? Without poking a hole in yourself or any innocent bystanders?

I’M NOT BAKING ANYTHING, YOU MORON! WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?”My God, you have surrounded me with idiots.

Death’s got an Invisibility Cloak?” Harry interrupted again.”So he can sneak up on people,” said Ron. “Sometimes he gets bored of running at them, flapping his arms and shrieking…

Sarcasm is when you tell someone the truth by lying on purpose.

I used the boos, and not the booze, as motivation. That led to applause, which I drank up like an alcoholic. I need a refill.

I opened my eyes really wide and fluttered my eyelashes at him. “I’m sorry, I must’ve missed your coronation ceremony. Silly me.” from Clean Sweep

The hand of God.

He’s crazy,” Bruno said, twirling a finger in circles around the side of his head and whistling to indicate just how crazy he thought he was. “He went up to a cat on the street...

That’s Doctor Smart-ass. I didn’t spend eight years in insult college to be called Mister.

The more this guy talked, the more he sounded like a fortune cookie.

his mind’s like Alcatraz. once something’s in, it never gets out

You are such a kind and caring man, and so sizzling hot and studly. Please, please don’t go nutty on me.

Sascha nodded. “Want me to wait?””Do I want my mate to wait in a deserted forest while a dangerous Psy fugitive remains on the loose? Wait, let me think.””Sarcasm does not suit you.” She kissed...

Just for the record the weather today is slightly sarcastic, with a good chance of A. indifference and B. disinterest in what the critics say.

How much do you remember?

Kei: Is there anything else you need while I’m here, Your Highness?Cabot: No, but you can leave the sarcasm in there.

I wouldn’t be caught dead sacrificing myself for this country.

Well, that would certainly earn you a cookie!

Yes, we’ll yell, ‘Help, help us, goose girl, and bring the terrifying legion of warrior geese’.

Independence is earned by a few words of cheap confidence

Billy tries to imagine the vast systems that support these athletes. They are among the best-cared for creatures in the history of the planet, beneficiaries of the best nutrition, the latest technologies, the finest medical...

Will suspected Jem was in fact cleverer than he was himself – but he lacked Will’s tendency to assume the absolute worst about people and proceed from there.

Julio was willing to bet that Officer “I’ve Seen It All” Mac had never seen a horde of black-skinned demons wearing rags and armor and carrying swords and spears, dragging a naked woman and a...

… a man doesn’t like to have his ego popped, especially when he prides himself on his sagacity, and then to be proved wrong by a man who claims he doesn’t know anything.

What tale do you like best to hear?’ ‘Oh, I have not much choice! They generally run on the same theme – courtship; and promise to end in the same catastrophe – marriage.

Satan impregnated my mother one lovely spring morning. We didn’t have the heart to tell my father.

Sketchy black van? Weird stalking of my house? What are you going to do next, offer me some candy?

I don’t need you to tell me I’m not well, though I don’t really know what’s wrong with me; I think I’m five times healthier than you are.

The problem is not that people make any bond of affection they like with people they like; the problem is calling that bond of affection “love.

Named Harris,” Bill said. “Ever know him, Mike? He was in the war, too.””Fortunate fellow,” Mike said. “What times we had. How I wish those dear days were back.

I wantto kill a Charynite King” tattooed on my arse?

I wanted to wake you straightaway, but I knew I had to wait several hours to ensure you were safely recovered.””What! How long has it been?””Five minutes. I got bored.

Caro: “Bite me.”Ruby: “I gave that up in kindergarten.

If you are not going to be a comfort, have the decency to be an empty space.

Because seeing someone’s heart ripped out, presumably for the first time, is something a person should accept naturally, like finding out there’s no Santa Clause.

A lot of people have it in for me. It’s practically a school sport.

Oh, you need Alan to betray Nick and then you’ll steal Nick’s powers and kill them both,” said Mae. “Great idea. Hey, can i come? I’ll bring a picnic lunch if you promise not to...

I mean, if you had been so kind as to paint me with black and white stripes, I would’ve been a zebra!

Chalk again?” Cal seemed almost disappointed. “Too bad there’s no chalk monster.”Penn snorted with amusement. Chalk monster. That was like saying it was a vampire. Everyone knew vampires didn’t exist. Zombies who drank blood to...

I don’t profess any religion; I don’t think it’s possible that there is a God; I have the greatest difficulty in understanding what is meant by the words ‘spiritual’ or ‘spirituality.'[Interview, The New Yorker, Dec....

I love you more, dumb ass.

The platform underneath the balloon fell on her as she was trying to escape,” she explained. “She was crushed.””I’d have been disappointed too.

considering everything so far has tried to kill us!

Sarcasm is the last refuge of the imaginatively bankrupt.

You can’t drive them around in the getaway van.’ ‘How about we don’t call it the getaway van? People might get suspicious.’ ‘So what should we call it?’ ‘How about the van?’ ‘It doesn’t change...

(One character on another:)”Don’t you know that I passionately dote on every chin on his face?

What am I going to do?” asked Ce’Nedra.”First you ought to go wash your face,” Polgara told her. “Some girls can cry without making themselves ugly, but you don’t have the right coloring for it....