Sales is my Religion and Customer is my God and I Worship Him, The only thing is that my God is not very happy n generous always.

A radio in a song in an ice cream cone. Two licks for free, and the third is for sale. My favorite flavor tastes like a commercial, because it’s made with 100% natural advertisement.

Success is taken by the man, who has made himself ready for its arrival.

I carry a door with me wherever I go, because one, it’s symbolic for the opportunities that’ll open up for me, and two, I want to be the best door-to-door salesman who sells doors, so...

I am a man of action, like a statue of a guy running. In business, when a salesman and a customer race each other, both win.

77 degrees in the fall feels cold, and 77 degrees in the spring feels hot. That’s why I’m selling year-round-nudity for half-price.

What you see is what you get.” Of course, I say it silently, so people probably don’t hear me.

I would like to express how I regard salespeople in general. I consider they embody a unified and diverse aggregate of the most able individuals in society and its workplace. In any economy, they are...

A real salesman knows how to engage Anyone Anywhere Anytime in a sensible conversation.

I just cut my beard. I used a tractor, because farmers make the best lovers. But why sell produce when you could sell reproduce?

Success does not judge one man for being worthy above another. Success doesn’t choose you because of your family name or existing wealth.

I was raised in a fishing village in the middle of the desert. I sold hellos and goodbyes just to get by.

I had a dream about you. You sold Tuesdays to factory workers on Monday mornings. You had a good thing going, until I showed up with a vender cart stocked full of Wednesdays.

A lollygagger is a person choking on a lollipop. That works perfectly, because I sell Heimlich Maneuvers in a variety of flavors.

I sell yawns. So when you see me yawning, and you then yawn, just know that’s me giving you a free sample of my product.

You’re good salesman, if you make people buyproduct they don’t need.

TeleCaller’s (cold calling) job is similar to sniper’s, wait patiently for the Right Party Connect/Target and make no mistake.

I sell sex by the coffee cup. I don’t go by small, medium, or large, I go by deep, deeper, and deepest.

To attract a lover, you need to craft the perfect Craigslist ad. Here’s mine: Free TV with purchase of potato chips and couch.

If I tell you I want to be a door-to-door salesman, don’t knock it.

He not only stood three inches taller than me, but I sold him two of those three inches. (The third inch I tossed in for free.)

The only people who don’t need elevator pitches are elevator salesmen. I once tried to sell an elevator to a man who owned a one-story building. He didn’t buy from me, but he did sell...

I had a dream about you. I was a used car salesman, and you were in the market for a new horse. I suggested we both compromise, and meet in the middle—like the year 1950.

When I became proficient as a salesman I was invited to teach new hires.

I wanted to observe how a genuine people person, who happens to also be a salesman, handles himself in the presence of a stranger. And few people are stranger than me, so I was paying...

This book does not exist. And if that doesn’t deter you from buying it, then I’m also selling frozen alien flesh, a patch of Bigfoot’s fur, and a patch of land on Pluto (limit one...

A gumble bee is half gum ball, half bumble bee, and it’s so chewy it stings. Makes me want to be a better lover and tractor salesman.

I’m a door-to-door salesman. I sell doors. If I can’t knock on yours, because you don’t have a door to knock on, I know you’ll be interested in what I’m selling.

She asked for the time, and I said that information is for sale—by the slice. 60 slices in a whole pie.

Love will find you eventually, I guarantee it. That’s why you need to buy an invisible cloak from me for the one-time low price of $77,777.77. Offer valid for emotional invalids only.

Couples should be able to share their dreams with one another. That’s why for just $69.69, you’ll like what I have to sell you. It’s not just one tube and two suction cups you each...

I never got to call myself a door-to-door salesman, because, regrettably, I only ever went to one door. But one day I just might knock on another door, to be able to proudly say that...

I’ll mark up my services 200%, and then offer them to you at a 50% discount—because I like you so much. That’s the Mother-in-law Discount.

The salesman said the sale was happening because all the gizmos in the store had to be liquidated. It was a lot of solidfluid, and I would have bought something, but the only thing I...

I talked so much about my product that I sold myself. I bought the very thing I was selling, and I think I overpaid.

Sell canoes to those who are enduring a drought, and sell sunscreen to those suffering from flooding. But give love freely to all, because samples encourage sales.

Yesterday I bought myself a karate trophy. But I feel like I won it, because the salesman really beat me up over the price.

Dreams have one-way doors—the door you enter cannot be exited from, and the door you exit from cannot be used for reentry. And I just want to sell tickets to an event people will pay...

It’s Wednesday, and I just made a fresh batch of Thursdays. Buy one while they’re still hot! They go on sale Friday.

I’m a natural salesman. I sold my soul to the devil. I’m so shrewd that I got pennies on the dollar for it. Ha! Wait, a buyer who gets pennies on the dollar is the...

If I owned a retail store, I’d keep my shelves empty, so it appeared my product was so popular it was always sold out. Of course, I’d make no sales because I’d have no product...

The best way to sell a car is to first try to sell them an airplane, then a horse, and then finally bring up the newest model automobile you have for sale.

If I were a shovel salesman, my biggest customers would be murderers. Oh, and spurned lovers trying to bury the past.

Selling something only to steal it back to sell again is not only dishonest, but highly profitable.

I had a dream about you. I was a sleeping bag salesman, and you sold insomnia. I tried talking you into selling sex instead, because that way we could sell combo packages. But you said...

Before I sold used cars, I sold used horses. Mostly to glue factories.

I’ll give you money to buy what I’m selling, because I’m a savvy salesman.

I vacuumed my piano, hoping to soak up the last of the concertos. I should sell musical sponges, for the lover in the kitchen in all of us.

50% of sales are going to come from women buying it for men, but where are the other 50% in sales going to come from? Mars. The thing I’m selling? Love. Supplies are unlimited, and...

The spotlight hides blemishes, and shadows hide from the brightness. When love shines down on you, you’ll be glad you purchased your Albino Survival Kit, available for sale starting at $99.99.