Anyone else feel like that? Like your life’s a big act. Like you’re trying to be a man when you’re just a scared kid, trying to keep under control when you really want to scream,...

My neck size is about the size of both of my girlfriend’s clenched hands. They say strangulation is a crime of passion, and I say it’s the sign of romance in a relationship.

A lollygagger is a person choking on a lollipop. That works perfectly, because I sell Heimlich Maneuvers in a variety of flavors.

If a man were choking, what would I do? Depends. If that man is my boss, I’d strangle him.

Buy one I love you for $3.99. Buy twelve for $48.00. That’s a savings of twelve cents—directly into my bank account. WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD—Objects not intended for individuals who tend to put forever objects in...

I could scarf down a scarf faster than I could eat any other throat warmer, with the possible exception of your clenched hands around my neck.

The police called it choking, but I called it a two-handed neck hug. That’s how I knew she really loved me.