I overreacted to praise, signing an autograph. I’d write a check to buy it back.

An apple a day feeds the tapeworm to stay.

Every swamp has a silted lining.

The first casualty of war is casual wear.

The shot glass is half drunk.

The glass is completely full…of shit.

Okay, you won our shitty little argument. Pass the world.

How are you going to make it move? It doesn’t have a – ” “Be very quiet,” advised the duke, “for it goes without saying.”And, sure enough, as soon as they were all quite still,...

But the helmet had gold decoration, and the bespoke armorers had made a new gleaming breastplate with useless gold ornamentation on it. Sam Vimes felt like a class traitor every time he wore it. He...

Over the years, I have been subjected to many indignities, all for the sake of Art. If I ever catch him, I’m going to kill the guy.

This Byrd wants a Wren.

I’ll take Shadowhunter, then. Because from what I’ve experienced of vampires, you mostly suck. No pun intended.

Goodreads.com is actually about fiction not dreading goo. But I have a profile there, anyway…

Puns are the highest form of literature.

Yeah ‘ear ‘ear,” said George, with half a glance at Fred, the corner of whose mouth twitched.

They talk about human rights until the rights include things they personally do not like as alternatives. There needs to be Frank discussions. And Shirley can join too because the pun works. The ideas of...

Wit and puns aren’t just decor in the mind; they’re essential signs that the mind knows it’s on, recognizes its own software, can spot the bugs in its own program.

It’s unpleasantly like being drunk.” “What’s so unpleasant about being drunk?” “You ask a glass of water.

I said never mix business with pleasure. They said it was a pleasure doing business with me.

Xingu!” she scoffed. “Why, it was the fact of our knowing so much more about it than she did—unprepared though we were—that made Osric Dane so furious. I should have thought that was plain enough...

Skinny jeans were only good if you had skinny genes.

I couldn’t be a doctor. I have no patience for patients, like I do silly puns. But I could be a barista, because I love coffee like I love sex—and that’s why I pay for...

Yes, fuck Christina. I think she’d like that.

I live and die by puns.

Maybe up to the part that goes ‘Aux armes, citoyens’—

Anyway, my writer gang: they kind of did their comedy apprenticeship with me and, during that period, when they were young and impressionable, I think I infected them with my pun virus. They grew to...

Beware of affect adorning vêtement of effect.

Impersonating a quiet, gentle librarian like Barbara Gordon–You deserve to be taken out of circulation!

I’m probably doing puns more than anything in my life.

Let us cry for the spilt milk, by all means, if by doing so we learn how to avoid spilling any more. Let us cry for the spilt milk, and remember how, and where, and...

Also not the kind of place to hide a server.””Is that another pun?” She asked.”No! I swear! I didn’t mean that one.”~Shell Game, Kingdom Keepers #5