Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.

Life wasn’t too bad. The trouble with Man was, even while he was having a good time, he didn’t appreciate it. Why, thought Milligan, this very moment might be the happiest in me life. The...

Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Money can’t buy you friends, but you do get a better class of enemy.

Professor Milligan will now play his tree! The composition is in A Minor, the tree is in A garden.

Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.

Author? Author? Did you write these legs?”Yes.”‘Well, I don’t like dem. I don’t like ’em at all at all. I could ha’ writted better legs meself.