I suppose you’re young,’ she conceded, managing once again to make youth sound like impetigo

Men,” she said rueful, “are the most absurd creatures on this green earth.” “But there are camels,” Gabriel pointed out. “Believe me,” she answered. “I’ve taken camels into consideration.

When I was your age, television was called books.

This was how I would die. Strangled by an attractive, seminaked woman inside a fridge with a giant tarantula in the middle of a sea of carnivorous jam. As I blacked out, all I could...

To be honest, my life has exhibited many strange and sometimes troubling characteristics, but shortness is not one of them. It feels like an eternity since I started school and a techno-social epoch since I...

She has to agree to have me. It could take some time, but I’m confident I can trick her into it.

I don’t mean to mock the gods, but Freyja seems to me a bitch.- Hjalti Skjeggjason

When it comes to your self-esteem, it is best not to value the opinions of deluded psychopaths.

Mr. Vey, you cannot be stuffed into a locker without your consent.” Dallstrom said, which may be the dumbest thing ever said in a school. “You should have resisted. That’s like blaming someone who was...

Nanny Ogg was an attractive lady, which is not the same as being beautiful. She fascinated Casanunda. She was an incredibly comfortable person to be around, partly because she had a mind so broad it...

Younger wizards in particular went about saying that is was time magic started to update its image and that they should all stop mucking about with bits of wax and bone and put the whole...

I think choosing between men and women is like choosing between cake and ice cream. You’d be daft not to try both when there are so many different flavors.

It is cocaine,” he said, “a seven-per-cent solution. Would youcare to try it?””No, indeed,” I answered brusquely. “My constitution has not gotover the Afghan campaign yet. I cannot afford to throw any extrastrain upon it.”He...

Join the club. We meet Tuesdays. We never share the location with each other, and we show up armed.

Rotten, dirty, back-slapping, wine-quaffing, haemorrhoid-hosting, goat-shagging, fart-sniffing, Crispin-loving, gold-snatching bastards!!!

A firm’s income statement may be, likened to a bikini-what it reveals is interesting but what it conceals is vital.

Sophie did this?” He said, not for the first time. They were standing at the foot of Jessamine’s bed. She lay flung upon it, her chest rising and falling slowly like the famous Sleeping Beauty...

Bottled, was he?” Said Colonel Bantry, with an Englishman’s sympathy for alcoholic excess. “Oh, well, can’t judge a fellow by what he does when he’s drunk? When I was at Cambridge, I remember I put...

Most of the people I worked with in my old job were pretty cool. We used to go out drinking after lights out and the less pleasant members of staff would be the topic of...

You’ve never really loved your wife, have you, Ridley?

The Brit’s face shares a heritage with a junkyard butt-sniffing mutt. It’s a hard-earned moonshine mug, dotted with a hairy mole that looks like a rat’s been gnawing on it. His beard looks like a...

That´s the problem with planning a late night supper after the opera, not only does the hero or the heroine die singing, but you end up famished after the last notes of the finale.

What I Found in My DeskA ripe peach with an ugly bruise,a pair of stinky tennis shoes,a day-old ham-and-cheese on rye,a swimsuit that I left to dry,a pencil that glows in the dark,some bubble gum...

Victor Vigny: A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that’s as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.Conor Broekhart: Which resembles a giant banana.

Vhat ozzer abilities do you haf?” ter Borcht snapped, which his assistant waited, pen in hand.Gazzy thought. “I have X-ray vision,” he said. He peered at ter Borcht’s chest, then blinked and looked alarmed.Ter Borcht...

As women glide from their twenties to thirties, Shazzer argues, the balance of power subtly shifts. Even the most outrageous minxes lose their nerve, wrestling with the first twinges of existential angst: fears of dying...

I had an uneventful few days,” it told her. “The most exciting thing was an hour-long lecture from the headmaster on taking our studies seriously. He said next year’s exam will arrive sooner than we...

It’s a very small object to be capable of doing many wonderful things, don’t you think?””It does much more that that,” Valkyrie said, opening up a game and showing it to him.His eyes widened. “What...

Why do we have to humiliate someone to crack a joke??? Do what u would like people to do with u..

Today as always, men fall into two groups: slaves and free men. Whoever does not have two-thirds of his day for himself, is a slave, whatever he may be: a statesman, a businessman, an official,...

He’ll be gorgeous.

I had done either too much coke or too little, a constant problem in my life.

Time flies when you grow fangs and fur.

People soon get tired of things that aren’t boring, but not of what is boring.

Maxim 36: When the going gets tough, the tough call for close air support.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

I don’t understand humans.” Caradoc shook his head. “It takes their brightest minds decades to plan an unmanned voyage to the nearest planet, which can take a year to travel each way. Yet they expect...

Love is relentless, and so am I 😉

The camp offices stood in the centre, adjoining the shrine to Jupiter that held the legion’s Eagle. In the camps of the Vth Macedonica and the VIth Ferrata, these buildings were of grey stone, dressed...

I am a writer, I’m supposed to be intense and emotional,

Losing your parent at a tender age is like losing everything thing. The love, care, support and what have you. It only takes determination, strong will and the love, care and support from others to...

Absurd laughter is a kind of protest against an absurd existence.

Maybe you could be mine / or maybe we’ll be entwined / aimless in this sexless foreplay.

CUSTOMER (to her friend): What’s this literary criticism section? Is it for books that complain about other books?

I need a light” / You’re in Karachi now / Oh, oh you’re in Karachi now. / Night is falling and you just cant see / Is this illusion or KESC / You’re in Karachi...

My mortgage isn’t getting any cheaper and I can’t run that Ferrari on faith alone,” Reverend Jones said. “Don’t get me wrong, the Big Man upstairs does what he can but I’ve never once seen...

Some people wake up fast. Some people wake up slow. I wake up dead.

People are all exactly alike. There’s no such thing as a race and barely such a thing as an ethnic group. If we were dogs, we’d be the same breed. George Bush and an Australian...

I’ve had so many bikini waxes, I cry every time I see a Popsicle stick.

Hals und Beinbruch, Saukerl.

I got swirling eyes and the capacity to shatter windows with my bare voice. Tod got teleportation and invisibility. The supernatural world is so far from fair.