But the three siblings were not born yesterday. Violet was born more than fifteen years before this particular Wednesday, and Klaus was born approximately two years after that, and even Sunny who had just passed...

…he spent whole days and nights over his books; and thus with little sleeping and much reading his brains dried up to such a degree that he lost the use of his reason.

He never did get right all the way again. And every once in a while he’d come down all bitey.

Wisdom of the Ages: “Soylent Green” No matter how many times I see that movie, I still get a hankerin’ for a Big Mac.

‎What a blight that woman is. Do you happen to know why? I lean toward a malignant fairy at her christening.

I would so rock at running amuck.

There is no god but Road Runner and Chuck Jones is his prophet.

Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully.

Sorry, no professionals.

Writing is a lonely pursuit. The only thing working is imagination and hands.The only difference between writing and masturbation is one is presumably intended for a mass audience.

Yep, ouch. He and apologies didn’t get along.

If you believe nothing else I say, you need to believe that every word I tell you from this point on is a complete lie

He had had a severe shock some weeks earlier, when, having narrowly failed to capture a large grey-brown hare for his dinner, it had stopped at the edge of the forest, looked at him with...

I don’t know why they call them Cheerios, I ate an entire box and didn’t feel any happier!!

Magnanimous of you.’His mouth twitched. ‘Mmm. Use more words like that, please. Schoolmistress words. Long, impressive ones.’ He’d made the last three words sound like an innuendo.

what’s the saying? All is donkey balls in love and war?-Dan Garrett

Go on, you’ve claimed your thirty pieces of silver, go do something crazy like put gas in that penis replacement you call transportation.

Paul is a liar, he said so. (Romans 3:7.)

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man”.

If you have pain in your ass, it doesn’t mean you have done something wrong, but it’s probably because you’re wearing your little brother’s underwear.

Egad, I think the interpreter is the hardest to be understood of the two!

Save yourselves!” Percy warned. “It is too late for us!” Then he gasped and pointed to the spot where Frank was hiding. “oh no! Frank is turning into a crazy dolphin!” Nothing happened. “I said,”...

Hello there,” Inigo hollered when he could wait no more.The man in black glanced up and grunted.”I’ve been watching you.”The man in black nodded.”Slow going,” Inigo said.”Look, I don’t mean to be rude,” the man...

God, I’ve just figured out what’s missing – you ditched the hallowed Albermarle Teddy Bear!’ I nodded. ‘Banished to a dark cupboard for all eternity.’ ‘You cold-hearted bastard.’ ‘Give me a hot water bottle any...

She shrugged and flipped her glossy hair behind her shoulders. “What else do you have to do with your time besides think about stuff like this? It’s not like you’re real heavy into extracurriculars. Besides,...

Don’t beat yourself up,” said Charlotte. “True love can be so easily mistaken for other things-friendship, humane concern, indigestion…

There are times when every act, no matter how private or unconscious, becomes political. Whom you live with, how you wear your hair, whether you marry, whether you insist that your child take piano lessons,...

[how can anyone] be silly enough to think himself better than other people, because his clothes are made of finer woolen thread than theirs. After all, those fine clothes were once worn by a sheep,...

I am (thank God!) constitutionally superior to reason.

Smiling is not a choice, it’s a lifestyle. Pass it on.

Two powerful factors which creates difference between destroying your relationship and deepening it are EGO and Attitude

After we bring food home from the grocery store…Dogs must think we are the greatest hunters ever!

Holy paranormal activity, Nightingale – to the Jag mobile.

My best days are Monday through Friday, and Saturday and Sunday.” “Ian,” Wesley noted, “that covers the whole week.” Ian nods his head. “Pretty much.

If life takes you long way, take a shortcut!

-he stopped and eyed Bill Corso–“if you choose to just sit here like a bored jungle gorilla, you will have to write out this quote as many times as you can during the next hour.

She was thong-climbing-her-ass pissed.

Lovely, not only did the truck look like it was on its last leg, it was going to take the environment with it.

If you want to convince a criminal to see things your way, start by seeing things theirs.

Humor is my mechanism for dealing with the hard reality of the world.

It’s not a luxury if you can’t do without it!

I’m turning into an old man. I own four pairs of oxfords, my stories get a little long winded, and my neighbors play their music too loud.

Hermione: You! You foul loathsome evil little cockroach!

Perhaps we humans are still in command, and perhaps there really will be a conventional robot war in the not-so-distant future. If so, let’s roll. I’m ready. My toaster will never be the boss of...

Searching through Monster.com while on the clock feels like being on Tinder while still married.

Valkyrie walked to the back door, which hadn’t been closed properly, shut it and locked it. There was now a baby in the house, after all. She couldn’t take the chance that a wild animal...

OCD, ADHD—pretty sure if they come up with some new acronym tomorrow I’d have it.

We’re automatons in a symphony conducted by a lunatic and performed by blind idealists.” Damon

Believe in something, and let that something be yourself.

Mad Rogan: “Resistance is futile.”Nevada: “You are not assimilating me!