In this, then, lies their power of understanding–understanding, without words, what is authentic or inauthentic. Thus it was the grimaces, the histrionisms, the false gestures and, above all, the false tones and cadences of the...

The government of my country snubs honest simplicity but fondles artistic villainy, and I think I might have developed into a very capable pickpocket if I had remained in the public service a year or...

Why, you boggle-eyed, flap-tongued, drag-bellied offspring of unmentionable algae! You seething little leprous blotch of bat-nibbled fungus! You cringing parasite on the underside of a dwarfish and ignoble worm!

Seduction is the art of saying what you don’t do in order to do what you don’t say

How charming.”I flipped him off.

The war in Iraq is one of those issues, and Hurricane Katrina is another. Where do you find the humor? We go to the people handling it, such as Bush and Michael Brown, who headed...

You know I hate to chase. I’m only here to talk, but if you run, I’ll have to chase and we both know where that usually ends up.

Remember every vote count’s and every two are worth a nickel

Lunar Eclipse doesn’t that sound like a car you can only drive at night?

I can’t get her pregnant! I’m just thirteen. You have to be a man to get a girl pregnant.

One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn’t have...

If the Good Lord meant men to use percussion caps, he wouldn’t have strung flint all over the ground.

Engineer is the one who thinks Dark Fantasy is a condom and not a biscuit

You gave me a dead frog for my birthday!- To remind you we all die and end up rotting underground eaten by maggots so we should enjoy our birthdays while we have them. I found...

To ugly ducklings everywhere,Don’t worry about those fluffy yellow morons:They’ll never get to be swans

I vote, I challenge Bathymaasy and we shoot arrows at you dearest brother.” ArtemisSet and Bathymaas laughed.Apollo, not so much.

When you argue with someone, you always argue at the level of the person with the lowest level of intelligence. You never argue up.

You think you have a handle on God, the Universe, and the Great White Light until you go home for Thanksgiving. In an hour, you realize how far you’ve got to go and who is...

My life is a plate of perfectly edible but ordinary scrambled eggs. I want them savory, creamy, cheesy and maybe with bacon on the side.

Basker possesses three kinds of bite: a snap, a nip, and then something like a buzz saw and an angle grinder mounted on a bear trap.

Where’s the pleasure in bein’ the winner if the loser ain’t alive to know they’ve lost?

The only way to be content in life is to make sure your NEED don’t become GREED.

For all those who say its a Man world. Respect Women Its their World we are just guest here

We all have different languages; but we all really mean the same thing.

If I ever figured out how to go back in time, I’d tell my nine-year-old self to run the other way when a gnome showed up in her room promising a life of magic and...

Society teaches us that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. The bill of rights informs us that we have the right to keep it to ourselves.

Its decision to suck up an extra helping of toddler soup would cost it dearly.

Everyone knows he’s crazier than a shaved mule in a toboggan race.

You are only limited by your own imagination

Mr. Wopsle’s great-aunt kept an evening school in the village; that is to say, she was a ridiculous old woman of limited means and unlimited infirmity, who used to go to sleep from six to...

I welcome reviews from all readers. I take criticism well; but please . . . no comments on my author face!

If you want to keep people happy, just keep the food and entertainment rolling.

And I’ll have you know that if you hurt my son again, if he so much as sighs sadly over his coffee, I will hire a man, a Russian, probably, to hunt you down and...

I once met an RAF pilot who told me of what he called a “bird strike”. This, rather unfairly in my view, made it sound as if it was the bird’s fault; as if the...

Oh, sir!” Lord Teddie bounced on his feet. “Sir, I read about this sort of thing once, sir! The only way to solve it is to kill both of them. It was in the Bible!”The...

[Maisie]:…going out for luncheon with a gentleman is definitely not the same as going out to dine in the evening. [Billy]: You get more grub at dinner, for a start –

How come I have too many things to do all the time…??

And now leave me in peace for a bit! I don’t want to answer a string of questions while I am eating. I want to think!””Good Heavens!” said Pippin. “At breakfast?

I’d much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships.

I admire your mustache madam, but I wonder, what’s for dessert?” Knowing her and knowing me, she probably thought I meant I love you.

You’ve got better boobs,” I acknowledged. And just as we’d done each time we’d had this boobs-versus-legs conversation, we looked down at our chests. Ogled. Compared.

A life is similar to a book. Some chapters are boring,a few emotional, a handful memorable,others saddening,one or two thoughtful and many full of smiles.

For instance, a fireman is a brave fellow! He fears nothing, least ofall fire! Well, the fireman in question, who had gone to make a roundof inspection in the cellars and who, it seems, had...

As long as you’re not ‘gross full,'” Raj said. “That’s when you’re so full that it’s hard to breathe because your stomach is pushing up into your lung region.

Kelly was not going to remove her glasses. No matter what the television said about it being safe to do during the ‘totality’. The television also told her she wouldn’t age if she bought expensive...

Have you ever heard of a condom? Don’t Carpathians have condoms? Because I’m thinking that if you’re all that worried, a condom might be just the thing.” His smile was slow in coming. “I had...

On the morning in question, she wore white shorts and a pink T-shirt that featured a green dragon breathing a fire of orange glitter. It is difficult to explain how awesome I found this T-shirt...

‎I have panicked unnecessarily in all four corners of the globe.

Well, it all started when I figured out that the janitor at my high school was the Angel of Death…

Thomas has the kind of whiter-than-white boyish grin that makes women’s panties spontaneously evaporate.