I’m sorry, but you just can’t fit fabulous into a backpack.

We have met the enemy and he is us.

Allow me to remove my headphones to listen to your bullshit.

If the pen is mightier than the sword, a sharpie must be plain deadly!

Galen punched his brother hard. “You bastard! You married and din’t tell me?”Bathymaas moved to blast him. Aricle stopped her. “I’ts alright my lady. That’s his normal reaction.””He needs to find another.” Bathymaas”How could you...

Even though I dislike being kicked by others, I do enjoy the feeling of kicking others

Let me guess,” Brynn said from across the room. “Another brother, right?”Keegan glanced at Brynn, who was staring at Ronin with an expression of disbelief. He switched back to English. “This is our younger brother,...

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A true friend will be sitting next to you saying, ‘damn, we fucked up’.

Unfortunately…I missed out on the California Gold Rush a century before…I’ll be dammed if I miss out on this one.

Sergeant Colon owed thirty years of happy marriage to the fact that Mrs. Colon worked all day and Sargent Colon worked all night. They communicated by means of notes. They had three grown-up children, all...

The most important principle for self discovery and to taste success is rather than changing other’s attitude changes your own. And always remember same sun which melts the butter also hardens the clay

Life doesn’t walk away, we do.

Be simple in words, manners, and gestures. Amuse as well as instruct. If you can make a man laugh, you can make him think and make him like and believe you.

I’m past competing in pissing contests. My jet stream is now more of a trickle. The only contest I’d win is the number of trips to the bathroom it takes to purge a 32oz soda.

It saddened me that sometimes shopping was far more perilous than dealing with zombies and vampires.

No one is normal. Everyone is just pretending to be normal.

My secret world of bosom sculpting is crashing down around me. I’m destined for bra-stuffing rehab in a distant boobicus minimus land. I just know it.

Leaning forward in the chair, Harley squeezed out a controlled fart, so no one could hear it. This damn reception area was like a echo chamber. If he weren’t careful, it could reverberate around the...

Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips.

I hope I know my own unworthiness, and that I hate and despise myself and all my fellow-creatures as every practicable Christian should.

My–? But I don’t… ew!

So I’m all, “Owned! Bee-yatch! Dog fucking owned you!” Doing a minor booty dance of ownage, perhaps, in retrospect, a bit prematurely. (I believe hip-hop to be the apprpriate language for taunting, at least until...

Felicity was horrible and snide, but then Felicity had been a repulsive earwig ever since she first grew a vocabulary.

The reefer butt is called a ‘roach’ because it resembles a cockroach… cockroach… cockroach…

Merry Christmas,” said George. “Don’t go downstairs for a bit.””Why not?” said Ron.”Mum’s crying again,” said Fred heavily. “Percy sent back his Christmas jumper.” [I guess that’s a sweater, though my jury is still out...

I’m OK with being single, but I’m not OK when the time comes where I have to move my furniture around and to change the high ceiling light balls…

Szépen vagyunk – mondta anya. (…) Egyetlen családtagunk büszkélkedhet normális párkapcsolattal, az is szociopata.

Embrace your inner lunatic. Fun times guaranteed.

Seeing someone reading a book you love is seeing a book recommending a person

Why yes, have you tried aisle 7?

[…] for the philosophy of Square rendered him superior to all emotions, and he very calmly smoaked his pipe, as was his custom in all broils, unless when he apprehended some danger of having it...

I don’t think I’m crazy, but then again, define crazy.

I leave it to be settled, by whomsoever it may concern, whether the tendency of this work be altogether to recommend parental tyranny, or reward filial disobedience.

Look, I wanted to mention something to you,” I said. Play it off as casual. Play it off as no big deal. Be cool.Her lips curled up in an amused smile. “Okay?””You know what a...

Enough. The woman is demented. Our marriage is simply something to which she must become adjusted. She insulted Elizabeth and her family, and in so doing, she insulted me.” With an expression as black as...

I’m more of a dog person. But I admire cats and their ability to take so much while giving so little.

Two fairies were sleeping peacefully on his bed. Dinnie was immediately depressed. He knew that he did not have enough money to see a therapist.

Can’t help it—it’s attached to my body.

There’s only so far we can step backward in one day

Are you on crack? Or did I take a righteous bong hit before coming here?

Play and be happy.

Himmlisch ist’s wenn ich bezwungen Meine irdische Begier; Aber doch wenn’s nich gelungen Hatt’ ich auch recht huebsch Plaisir!Loosely translated:It is heavenly, when I overcomeMy earthly desiresBut nevertheless, when I’m not successful,It can also be...

If all else fails, stop drop and roll..works for me..:)

The first sign that Karma was now in cahoots with the Devil Incarnate to ruin her existance should’ve been before sunrise and pre-coffee.

Certainly there are things in life that money can’t buy, but it’s very funny – Did you ever try buying them without money.

How’s the blood-stream, my dear, invaluable little woman? How’s the blood-stream?”…”It’s quite comfortable, sir…I think, sir, thank you.”…”Aha!”…”a comfortable stream, is it? Aha! v-e-r-y good. V-e-r-y good. Dawdling ‘twixt hill and hill, no doubt. Meandering...

You know we’ve got it bad when a naked and gyrating Channing Tatum can’t solve our problems.

Yo Mama’s so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.

It’s better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt

Pop music is like an auditory cup of coffee. It has no nutritional value but it gets you going.