Life sucks, and then you die…

Pain produces progress. So if you truly love me, you will try to hurt me as much as you can. If you really want me to grow as a person, you will water me with...

Well now,” the scholar went on, “I’m just an old fuddy-duddy who could use a tan, so you needn’t grant my opinion any authority, but I consider the queendom lucky that a handful of Milliners...

Sorry,” she said. “I have a psychological disorder that prevents me from keeping thoughts inside my head where they belong.

I have liquid lips, and my kisses are smooth as wine. Why pour you a glass when you can drink from the bottle?

I want to buy designer sunglasses and change my name to The Lunar Child III. It would make me a better lover, but it’s impossible for me to be a better lover than I already...

Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.

We just move on, don’t we, with traitors still amongst us? But there was one thought that wouldn’t go away. If I loved him, I would forgive him.

My love is as blue as the sky, and if I had to attach a time to it I’d say midnight.

Yes, he is a man, so genetically he’s engineered to be dense about many things, but he’s not stupid.

Just because I’m no jaw clacker doesn’t mean there should be a ruction put up whenever I have sommat to say.

The Doctrine is the Ecstasy

Artists have to have a good eye. And to be great, I’d recommend having two.

Some are born old maids, some achieve old maidenhood, and some have old maidenhood thrust upon them ,” parodied Miss Lavendar whimsically.

I know how to use a fellytone now.

You don’t happen to have any happiness, do you? Can I borrow a cup?

Southern hospitality and Amish cooking – Ya’ll Come Back, Danki.

What in the blue star-blazes did you see in Jason?” he asked, still forcefully but with his frustration and jealousy under better control.”For one thing, Djetth, he wasn’t trying to kill me!”(“Marsh”, heroine of Insufficient...

The only sad part for me about getting a cat from the pound is that I can only choose one. If I could, I’d take home all of them. Actually, my view is why take...

I’ve never created a riot before. I did cause a brawl at the last formal. A large number of young women there actually arrived with the expectation of seducing me into matrimony, and a couple...

It’s only hard until it becomes easy.

He’s around the twist,’ said Azalea. ‘Breaking all the windows? He’s mad.”Ah, no,’ said the King. ‘It’s only madness if you actually do it. If you want to break all the windows in the house...

What’s blacker than black? Does summer shade have a shadow? Is that how loneliness looks and where it lurks?

This is unacceptable! We’re English, damn it! We know how to build things where they shouldn’t be! – Governor Dewar

Cut my pie into four pieces, I don’t think I could eat eight.

Romantic love has its place but to define relationship solely in romantic terms is like describing marriage only by what a couple does on their honeymoon.

Together kabobs make the world better than all the Bobs combined. Well, at least ever since Bob Ross moved on to the land of the happy trees.

I watched a lot of YouTube videos of cute geeky girls playing ’80s cover tunes on ukuleles. Technically, this wasn’t part of my research, but I had a serious cute-geeky-girls-playing-ukuleles fetish that I can neither...

I never tell anybody exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared…

As you get older; you’ve probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You’ll be talking with somebody at a party, and you’ll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you...

Michael nodded tersely, eyeing a table across the room. It was empty. So empty. So joyfully, blessedly empty.He could picture himself a very happy man at that table.”Not feeling very conversational this evening, are we?”...

But I didn’t. I didn’t say anything, if only because I had no idea how to respond to such an overture. If my experience with friends was sparse, what I knew about boys- other than...

Like a statue, I’m hairless. Also like a statue, I have hair. Let’s make love like a dandelion goes bald in the breeze.

I don’t know but it’s nice to sound optimistic, wouldn’t you agree.

There is a rule in Hell: Don’t trust anyone who takes time out of their day to help you.

If somebody offered me Cyanide, my only question would be, Is it organic? Because organic is always the healthier option.

—Simplemente no te agrada Ash.—No es que me desagrade. —Dee se salió fuera de la cama y se disparó por la habitación, apareciendo al lado de su ventana—. Simplemente creo que es una perra.Dawson se...

Businesspeople are like sharks, not just because we’re gray and slightly oily, or because our teeth trail the innards of those we have eviscerated, but because we must move forward or die.

My dreams have wings. But not soaring eagle wings, more like the wings of a butterfly—colorful and easily ripped off. The last time my dreams got ripped off was when I shopped at Walmart, the...

Oh my god, I am a banana.

Kagura: It’s the same as always. He doesn’t pursue those who leave, and ignores those who come.

Smee! Raise the Ladies!

Ryan couldn’t believe his eyes. Gran wearing leather chaps in a Harley shop, talking about her ass. It was a living nightmare.”What am I doing here?” he asked Gran. Before he could read her the...

Writing isn’t necessarily a gift it is a passion. You can write a one page masterpiece to 99 pages of crap. What keeps you coming back is that Zen moment when you enlightened your own...

You cannot take away freedom to protect it, you cannot destroy the free market to save it, and you cannot uphold freedom of speech by silencing those with whom you disagree. To take rights away...

It is my joy to share with present and future generations these stories so full of humor, warmth, and adventure – and so rich in the rural culture of the early 1900’s.

A brick could be used to float a good idea at work—especially if it’s a good idea that would be bad for you personally.

If 12 of the finest soldiers were asked to follow bravely into battle, and near certain death, then I’d be very grateful to be the 13th best fighter.

Shut up. Don’t make me tell you again.”We shut up, which I find hysterically funny.

A domesticated man makes my lady parts beep!