A blanket could be used to understand Understanding. At least I think so. The process is complicated, and really hard to understand.

Perhaps I can stay by the fire and mend your socks and scream if I hear any strange noises.

I had a dream about you. You introduced me to a clock, and I’m right handed, so I didn’t know which clock hand to shake, the hour or the minute. So I chose instead to...

Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.

I had a dream about you. I invented and sold shoes that left no footprints, and you were thinking about committing a murder in a muddy area. I said that committing a murder was a...

Rule #3 – It’s okay to believe yourself better than the rest of the planet, so long as you keep it to yourself.

I moved my hand in and out of the shadow and pondered life and death. Then I put on my lipstick, pulled up my pants, and got back to work.

Oh, I love you, June, I really do. It’s just that you sounded so…twat-ish just then.

Teagan: How long has it been since you read a book that didn’t havevampires in it?Abby: They write books with no vampires? Wait…the penguins made us read that Shakesrear guy, right?Teagan: Shakespeare.

As far as informing the headmaster, Harry had no idea where Dumbledore went during the summer holidays. He amused himself for a moment, picturing Dumbledore, with his long silver beard, full-length wizard’s robes, and pointed...

He who laughs last laughs the laughiest.

I had a dream about you. I ran a marathon like a mannequin stands still, and you stood still like Roger Bannister runs errands.

I knew that kind of thinking was paranoid, but after the wacky crap that had happened to me over the last couple of months, these days I’d be suspicious of a jolly white-bearded man in...

People are trying to kill people. Well, those people need to die.

I had a dream about you, and in the dream you were dreaming of me. We were meant for each other subconsciously.

Does anyone here speak English? Or even Ancient Greek?— A very lost Marcus Brody

A brick could replace the cardboard bill on a baseball cap. On a windy day, no gust will knock your hat off.

And before you barrel through some idiotic Cosmo girl list of how-well-do-you-know-your-man questions, let me say that I don’t know squat about him except that he kisses like a god and screws like a devil.

It has been found that reading love quotes is beneficial to your health. It has been found by me, and I found it under my bed.

If one has no sense of humor, one is in trouble.

My name is MooMoo Cowlishaw, and I’m as vapid as vapor. Gaze at me grazing.

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back

The Swedes have coined the term ‘management by perkele’ to portray the Finnish managerial approach. Instead of collectively pondering all the possible alternatives and letting every member of the staff from the cleaner to the...

A brick could be your new best friend. If this appeals to you, it’s probably because people tend to seek the company of others who posses similar intellects and interests. And as I have just...

Don’t break character.

I don’t want to ever see her again, because I want to always remember her as she was—young and beautiful. She won’t remember, because she was 88 when we met and suffering from dementia.

And the news got worse. It appeared that there was this whole other person Jesus Christ whose birthday a lot of people tended to confuse with mine. I was personally outraged. It was a long...

If God had wanted men to swim, he would have taught fish to fish. But fish don’t fish, and neither do I, but it’s also the reason I don’t swim.

Some people remember the sixties better than others do. Some weren’t even there, some who were there were not really there, and some who were not really there were “really there”.

It’s simply about gratitude and honor. It’s about finding the joy in each of life’s little facets, even the ones that are otherwise considered mundane. It’s all a matter of perspective, I guess. Each day...

They turned to Angel. “We will call you Little One,” the leader said, obviously deciding to dispense with the whole confusing name thing.”Okay,” said Angel agreeably. “I’ll call you Guy in a White Lab Coat.”...

A cat is friendly in a hollow sort of way, like the way a prostitute is friendly.

True freedom is an empty cup, because it can be filled with anything. Freedom sounds great, until someone hands it to you, and then it just makes you thirsty.

Jev stroked his chin. “Do I look like a summer fling?

I can only think of one good reason not to kill you: because if I killed you, I’d have to bury you, and that means shoveling. And I hate shoveling almost as much as I...

In Gym, the kids on my team learned not to pass me the ball and to step quickly in front of me if the other team tried to take advantage of my weakness. I happily...

A heavy gas generated by the fermentation of equally dense ideas, stupidity is the most common renewable source of energy, the easiest to extract, and the least costly, except when coupled with nuclear energy.

I don’t understand how I could have believed you were a warm, affectionate, and tenderhearted person! You’re obviously as prickly as a porcupine and any man who comes close to you will end up with...

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

The smell of coffee was enough to wake up my neighbors. In a display of gratitude, they complained about my music being too loud.

Someday we’ll look back on this and it will all seem funny.

Communism, like the mullet, will never go out of style.

Carpe Scrotum. Seize life by the testicles

You like them,” I realized.Noah’s eyebrows lifted in question.”Like as people.””As opposed to…furniture?””They’re my PARENTS.””That is my understanding, yes.

A brick could be used to say hi to Pink Floyd.

Nadie parece haber caído en cuenta de que si la existencia es absurda, lograr en ella un éxito brillante no tiene más valor que fracasar por completo.

I had a dream about a poem once… that’s all, I can’t tell you about it because I had to sign an NDA.

Nosferatu is the daddy of modern American sex.

Math Superstar” program. After each assignment, stars of various colors signifying degrees of excellence were stuck on all the papers handed in. Like the Olympics, gold was the highest honor. Wendy, the girl who sat...

they were looking for housekeepers and cooks, and I was dying to get out of Australia and see the rest of the world. It’s a Sagittarius thing, you know. We just move on and on,...