If green is envy and blue is depression, then I’m feeling quite turquoise right now. But maybe with a little luck, I’ll feel teal a little later.

Agatha, what do you see when you look in the mirror?””I don’t look in mirrors.””Why is that?””Because horses and hogs don’t sit around ogling their reflections!

Everything stinks till it’s finished.

Jake’s POV: It was just too bad that Chloe was freezing Ally out even though her family hadn’t been affected. Because otherwise Ally would be here and maybe I could be making out with her...

My internal voice raised its decibel level. Sam O. Same

Dear Teens at Starbucks wearing ‘Abstain from Sex 2 Attain Ur Goals’ t-shirts: Doesn’t it depend on what my goals are?

and, unlike the celebrated herd in the poem, they were not forty children conducting themselves as one, but every child was conducting itself like forty.

Audrey Hepburn, as famous as she was, packed her own suitcases… I don’t know why that struck me, but it did. ‘She has a servant’s heart,’ I thought.

The sexiest advice:Dear humans, stop role-playing in your lives; these sort of things are meant to be explored only at times you won’t mention in public.

Water is like love, but love is not like water. No, because if it were, I’d be the camel of love.

It is just as foolish to complain that people are selfish and treacherous as it is to complain that the magnetic field does not increase unless the electric field has a curl. Both are laws...

When I get to heaven, and I see a being of light, I’m going to ask him if he’s the urologist.

When God Created Mothers”When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of “overtime” when the angel appeared and said. “You’re doing a lot of fiddling around on this one.” And...

But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But...

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.

I am so awesome. That’s five syllables!” He bowed, looking very pleased with himself.

The morning came pouring down on my night, but luckily I was able to convert my erection into an umbrella.

Also, I think I felt something come loose back there. I’m not trying to overreact or anything but I think it was my uterus. Honest. I think my uterus jiggled free. My uterus is just...

You’re as likely to see me sleeping on the job as a snooze is liable to grow legs 26.2 miles long and run a larm. What’s a larm? A buzzing sound the length of a...

It was stealing her breath, imbecile. Go get a towel.” -Christophe, Strange Angels by Lili St. Crow

Why are you limping like that?’ Nicholas demanded.’I’m swaggering,’ I informed him.’You look like you’re wearing a diaper.’Charming. And I had a crush on this guy.Wait. I had a crush on this guy?’Now what?’ he...

when you’re not looking, somebody’ll sneak up and write “Fuck you” right under your nose.

Almost everything strange washes up near Miami.

I yell at yellow like I purr at pink. If they were more fluid, I’d pour meows in my morning coffee.

Where’s Izzy?” cried Alice. “I’m right here!” Izzy was heard, but there was no sight of her floating friend. “Izzy’s invisible!” yelled Melanie.”Invisible and flying!” Colleen added nervously.

The only thing cats love more than food is sleep. We have that in common.

In second grade my second love wrote “I love you” on a scrap of paper and dropped it on my desk as he passed by. He was very shy and sullen. When he moved to...

And have your mother put my head on a stake? Do you have any notion what that would do to my handsome good looks?

Come buy from me what you could rent elsewhere. Like a Like button or a wiggly wrench—or donuts that yesterday would have been free at the store next to mine.

Grover wore his fake feet and his pants to pass as human. He wore a green rasta-style cap, because when it rained his curly hair flattened and you could just see the tips of his...

I visited my old haunt, but somehow without all my old friends there with me, the cemetery just wasn’t the same.

You get work however you get work, but keep people keep working in a freelance world (and more and more of todays world is freelance), because their work is good, because they are easy to...

Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl...

You’re probably wondering what’s going to happen to you. That’s easy. The same thing is going to happen to you that has happened to every other human being who has ever lived. You’re going to...

The decor was attractive and strong, but blander than she would have thought his wealth and position afforded him. Caren couldn’t see the point of having that much money if all of it led to...

It is with great sadness that I blow my nose.

You can’t believe that AIDS is a curse from God against Gays without accepting that Lyme Disease is a curse from the same God against Deer Hunters…

If love tasted like pork, and you were allergic to Francis Bacon, could I be your Shakespeare? We could make love on a pizza and make much ado about nothing, everything, anything, something.

He was a peculiar sight. Tears rolling down his face, shouting to drown the sound of the singing rabbit; he said he needed help, pointed to a chicken, handed over some money, grabbed his parcel...

The first ten million years were the worst,” said Marvin, “and the second ten million years, they were the worst too. The third ten million years I didn’t enjoy at all. After that I went...

Art has one purpose, that is to leave you changed. Love has one purpose, that is to create art.

In my opinion, we don’t devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

If you carry all my love, it won’t get heavy and make you weak. In fact, my love will give you strength. And if you won’t carry my love, you carry a heavy burden.

The mind can’t delete what the heart won’t let go of.

If you find semen in your beer, you’ll no longer have to wonder why I no longer have an erection. Love touches us all, like I touch myself.

Canda dan Tawa adalah salah satu cara untuk membuat kita berfikir lebih jernih dari sebelumnya.

Life is all about exploring yourself, discovering yourself and grooming yourself, then you will surely stop negative thinking.

The dining hall in our section of campus was like something out of an Ayn Rand novel: big, utilitarian, and impersonal.

I like maxims that don’t encourage behavior modification.-Calvin

Girls with their legs crossed, girls with their legs not crossed, girls with terrific legs, girls with lousy legs, girls that looked like swell girls, girls that looked like they’d be bitches if you knew...