By all accounts Rafe’s life had been shattered by the loss of his brother Peter. But whereas she turned away from drink when Draven died, Rafe had simply upended a barrel of brandy on his...

Jace?” She offered him the glass. “I am a man,” he told her. “And men do not consume pink beverages. Get the gone, woman and bring me something brown.””Brown?” Isabelle made a face. “Brown is...

He said that he was sure you would be amendable to this course of action.” April paused, eyes widening, before she said indignantly, “I believe he may have lied to me!

Wait, I got it. We, uh, won the battle and lost the war, or was it the other way around? ‘Cause around here, it’s hard to tell sometimes.

We made eyes at each other, and then we made love. We also made other things too, like meatloaf.

I can Grandma like nobody’s business. Hey, mind your own, grandpa, before I go all Uncle Sam on your ass.

The conversation was one-sided. She was doing all the talking, and every time I opened my mouth it wasn’t to reply—it was to yawn.

Perhaps not,” said Will, who had ears like a bat’s. “But I would make a radiant bride.

Personally, I’m always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.

Having the rug pulled from under one, and flying magic carpets — cousin events?

Farmers grow on the land. I suppose farmers grow farmers, rather than using sex to reproduce.

Life is about having an attitude of gratitude. And grabitude. Seriously, you’ve got to take stuff. What, do you think someone’s just going to hand you what you want?

You must overcome failure to succeed, and champions know how to lose. That’s why I don’t need to win to know that I’m a champion.

Life is complex. It has real and imaginary parts.

If you can’t enjoy what you have, you can’t enjoy more of it.

Tied up a lot of women, have you?” He raised one eyebrow, whatever that meant. “A bit odd, are you?” She was being sarcastic, trying to taunt him into a sense of guilt. While perhaps...

I made love to a woman on a boat once. It was still on the showroom floor, but the way I rocked it made it feel like the ocean. Ah, but that’s life, no?

At the end of the day” to bed.

A feather taped to a vibrator is a tickling machine to induce hunger, and NOT a sex toy. So you won’t have to ask if you see it in my fridge.

Use that fluff of yours you call a brain.

Ask any guy if sex is important in a relationship and the one who says no is lying. I just haven’t met that guy yet. When you meet him, let’s get him in to the...

Some men never recover from education.

My mom is all about risk vs. reward. So for example, if I were to go out on a date and have unprotected sex, the risk/reward would be possible STD for me vs. possible grandchild...

I steal sleep. I steal it from people who are asleep, because it’s not like they’ll even notice anything’s been taken until it’s too late—or too early.

I will call bullshit on that so many times that the word bullshit will lose all meaning. -Milo

If we are going to start calling industrial corn sustainable, then we might as well say that petroleum is a renewable resource if you’re willing to wait long enough.

I just can’t listen to any more Wagner, you know…I’m starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.

always serve too much hot fudge sause on the hot fudge sundaes.It makes people overjoyed,and puts them in your debt

Not getting laid can be a crippling experience, but then I don’t go looking for sex along the interstate.

One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious.

But the main reason you should read this is that I don’t see why I should have to know all these terrible, terrible things and you should get off scot free.

Yesterday I was a dog. Today I’m a dog. Tomorrow I’ll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There’s so little hope for advancement.

Master Griffin, I would marry my own mother for the excuse to stab my eyes out with her brooches than to see anything under your kilt,” the man’s voice said with an elegant aplomb. “Where...

Of course, I’ve told Jesus to suck it, too, which earned me a certain measure of notoriety, because you have to make fun of any religion that would let you have sixteen kids and say...

I used to want to be a missionary, but I don’t believe that’d be the best position for me to be in.

My parents didn’t grow up here or anything. They chose to live in this nowhere town. Why? Because it was named after Hannibal of Carthage. Their basic train of thought was this: Hannibal’s Rest? And...

If trees had feathers instead of leaves, then they wouldn’t fly, they wouldn’t run, and they’d be my favorite thing to hunt.

Yeah, it’s just me and my trash can here,” as I patted its lid and started pushing it up the driveway.

To say she was my girlfriend was absurd: no one the wrong side of thirty has a girlfriend… I suppose I ought to have realize it’s ominous that forty thousand years of human language had...

The cybernetic operation?””No, the sex change.”The doctor’s smile faltered.”I’m joking.

We made love like a goat has four legs like a table. If your dining room table can walk, it’s best to eat while sitting in wheelchairs.

Mario, what do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic and a dyslexic?””I give.””You get someone who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question of whether or not there’s...

The only time I like traffic lights turning yellow or red is in the fall.

The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that’s even worse

I get this buzz every time I’m quoted online. The ego high… yes… but also a Google Alert.

Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

We made love like two trees on a breezeless day. Neither one of us moved for hours.

Four walls don’t make a home. Neither does having a roof over your mouth.

Go ahead, stick it in my butt.” Love is much more than that. Love is also a logo. I know, because I have it tattooed on my ass.

Calvin: Dear Santa, before I submit life to your scrutiny, I demand to know who made YOU the matter of my fate?! Who are YOU to question my behavior, HUH??? What gives you the right?!...