Standing in the kitchen when you’re hungry is torture. That’s why I moved my fridge to my dungeon, where I keep the prisoners.

I love microwave dinners. I also like eating other appliances, like fridges and dishwashers.

To the potluck I brought something I randomly found in my fridge. It was the source of the stink.

I’ve had a stressful day, and I need something stronger than beer. Somebody fetch me a bodybuilder. Check the cooler in the garage.

It was a brave old world.

My bedroom is a fridge with a window, because I can’t sleep unless it’s cold. I cuddle like warm meatloaf, but hardly ever with warm meatloaf.

The world is full of unrequited love,’ I said finally.’You and Patrick having problems?’ Dad said, reaching around to get the butter out of the fridge.’No, I was just wondering what you would say if...

A feather taped to a vibrator is a tickling machine to induce hunger, and NOT a sex toy. So you won’t have to ask if you see it in my fridge.

In high school I attended a magnet school—for refrigerators.

She loves me. She must, because she left flowers in the fridge from her date. She knows how I love flower salad.

I had a dream about you. You were storing my brain in a pickle jar in the fridge, and I only discovered it when I went to garnish my hamburger. Mindless and hungry, I was...

I keep my motivational book collection in the fridge. Hey, Who Moved My Cheese?! Did somebody let grandpa out of his cage again?

A fridge will keep your steaks fresh, but keeping a live cow in grandmother’s room will keep the meat fresher. Let this be a lesson in love.