I think we’re too young to be dating. I mean I don’t see what the rush is.” Summer says. “Yeah, I agree,” said August. “Which is kind of a shame, you know what with all...

Those guys who want to have the Mohawk…which, to me, is the new business casual.

I tossed my shoulders and swaggered away, whistling with pleasure. In the gutter I saw a long cigaret butt. I picked it up without shame, lit it as I stood with one foot in the...

Everyone gets tortured these days. Skulduggery by Serpine, who then turned around and did that red right hand thing at you. Then Skulduggery was tortured again by the Faceless Ones. I figured it was my...

It’s amazing how fast a handshake turns into a handjob. Ah, you’ve got to love politics.

Evelyn: There’s nothing wrong with embracing one’s emotions.Brittany: Mom, You don’t just embrace your emotions, you make love to them hard-core.

Um, uh, gah.

Don’t talk to me.””Why not?””Because I want to fix that in my memory for ever. Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret…

I suppose half the time Shakespeare just shoved down anything that came into his head.

My birthday is on a holiday. I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me.

The political climate is stable, when you keep the ruling animals in a stable. I no longer vote for anything that can’t be ridden by a monkey dressed like a cowboy.

No. In fact, he was hard to shake. He, uh, stalked me, that kind of thing. I had to pretend he didn’texist.”Nicolai kissed her temple and relaxed against her.

The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.

Sometimes you remind me a lot of James. He called it my ‘furry little problem’ in company. Many people were under the impression that I owned a badly behaved rabbit.

As Shakespeare says, if you’re going to do a thing you might as well pop right at it and get it over.

I always keep a Ziploc bag in my pocket, and wherever I go I fill up my bag with dirt, because my goal is to be the largest land holder in the world by the...

It’s a most peculiar psychology—this business of ‘Science is based on faith too, so there!’ Typically this is said by people who claim that faith is a good thing. Then why do they say ‘Science...

A brick could be used as another brick, as they all look the same. So yes, I am for human cloning as a means to build the future.

…the chapters on whaling in MOBY DICK can be omitted by all but the most punishment-loving readers.

Ooh, you look much tastier than Crabbe and Goyle, Harry” said Hermione, before catching sight of Ron’s raised eyebrows, blushing slightly and saying “oh you know what I mean – Goyle’s Potion looked like bogies.

A hat should be taken off when greeting a lady, and left off the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.

I want certain conversations to come equipped with antilock brakes, especially if I’m talking to a real airbag.

I talked so much about my product that I sold myself. I bought the very thing I was selling, and I think I overpaid.

As rain began to fall, Aldric worried the old machines would not be able to survive the weather. “Hand me that oil can!” he shouted to Siomon.Magic machines need oil?” asked Simon.Of course they need...

I have seen many cases like N. during the five years I’ve been in practice. I sometimes picture these unfortunates as men and women being pecked to death by predatory birds. The birds are invisible...

This is the fast lane, folks…and some of us like it here.

World’s worst writer.” If you’re wondering why I rate all my work one star, it’s because the rating system doesn’t have a zero star option, or better yet, go into negative numbers.

My ex-girlfriend was exquisite, while my current girlfriend is merely quisite. The ex always makes the past seem more excellent than the present.

I have two hands so I can provide companionship to myself by holding one hand with the other. As a lover, I am self-sufficient.

You have some balls.”Frankie hated that expression, ever since Zada had pointed out to her that it equates courage with the male equipment…

As Hazel marched down the hill, she cursed in Latin. Percy didn’t understand all of it, but he got son of a gorgon, power-hungry snake, and a few choice suggestions about where Octavian could stick...

Wild!” Ron said, twiddling the replay knob on the side. “I can make that old bloke down there pick his nose again… and again… and again…

Plus as she put it, Prince Eric was far too hairy and peach colored for her taste. I always thought he was pretty hott, but then again, I am a mammal.

I Think, Therefore I Am … I Think …

I like to keep a shotgun in my room for protection. You know, just in case my apartment gets broken into by a pack of deer, which is something I’m constantly worrying about.

(Nicholas)”Am I dead?”An odd question, but then she rememberd her mourning attire. “No sir, you are not.”He relaxed a moment, then turned his head slightly as if searching for other passengers. His brows dived in...

Abraham,” he said. “I’m pleased to see you alive, old friend.””And I to see you dead.

Yeah you can have a word,” said Harry savagely. “Good-bye.

If I were as tall as the day is night, I’d be a midget.

Pity.

Hardly anybody tells the truth these days. For the truth I have to go to Washington DC, and whatever a politician says, interpolate the opposite.

In my view, a Cyclops is halfway to being blind. Love sees all. When someone insults me and I go silent, I’m in Helen Keller mode. Listen!

Nixon’s offences had been so long in the past, so much part of a different era that he now seemed like some lovable but bigoted uncle you tolerated at Christmas and Thanksgiving.

It’s almost never the kind of person you are but the kind of job you do decides how much you get paid.

Santa was dead, to begin with. There was no doubt whatsoever about that. The after-action report was signed by the field commander, the director of operations, the secretary of the Office of Sidhe Affairs, and...

I didn’t make two mistakes all day yesterday. I just made one long one that lasted 24 hours.

Because this absolutely insane – the craziest thing I’d ever done. Worse than giving a one-star review, scarier than asking for an interview with an author I’d give my firstborn to eat lunch with, more...

If I saw a hitchhiker wearing a tie-dyed shirt, I’d assume he’s been waiting for a ride since the 1960s. I think that kind of patience is groovy.

It’s awful to be rich and mind-boggingly handsome and have women fawn over you. My heart bleeds for you. Poor dear, how do you manage?

Adam, you could be a lesbian vampire succubus who moonlights as a golem and I would still want to suck your cock twenty-four-seven.