Fox Jung…I dunno why I get so hungry whenever I see you. Just once…if I could swallow you up in one bite, just once…I’d never need anything else.””Now, I’m really scared…that one day, I’ll open...

Motivational Secret of the Week: You are not a statistic. You are a datum used in the calculation of a statistic.

Is there some kind of rule for when Sam should be a boy and when he’s a Wolf?””A Wolf lifts his leg and yellows up the snow. A boy has to use the toilet.””And that...

I believe that because I had obtained a wife who was made up of wife-signs (beauty, charm, softness, perfume, cookery) I had found love.

Disappointment came to me,and booted me,and bruised and hurt me,but that’s how people grow up.

YOU FEAR TO DIE?”It’s not that I don’t want… I mean, I’ve always…it’s just that life is a habit that’s hard to break…

We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)

Ah! good Sir! no Whores before Dinner, I beseech you.”[Love’s Last Shift]

Secret 7591037. Anything they can do to you, they can do for you; and anything they can do for you, they can do to you.

I don’t watch reality TV, my reality is tough enough.

We’re distant cousins. He’s my first cousin, but he’s 5,000 miles away. And he doesn’t talk much.

It’s so shameful of me: I like you.

The young man who stood there was the handsomest mad Rand had ever seen, almost too handsome for masculinity.

All men are created Equal. Some just have more Splenda.

Do you know why hurricanes have names instead of numbers? To keep the killing personal. No one cares about a bunch of people killed by a number. ‘200 Dead as Number Three Slams Ashore’ is...

What exactly did having needs mean, while he was on the subject? That Delaney needed to have sex? that she craved an orgasm? And if that were the case, why couldn’t she just take care...

I pat the brand new twenty-seven inch Macintosh computers Mr. Foley brought us. ‘These boxes alone should make both of us scream like it’s Christmas morning! Snap out of it. Santa came! Now we get...

I’m the oldest of twelve brothers. However, the other eleven are yet to be born.

Why don’t you find out for yourself?Then you’ll see the glass, hidden in the grass.

Gods don’t like people not doing much work. People who aren’t busy all the time might start to think.

Love is, or you isn’t.

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.

Don’t show me the before and after. Show me the before before and after after.

El estómago conoce motivos que la razón no entiende.

Allowance.

A lecture has been well described as the process whereby the notes of the teacher become the notes of the student without passing through the mind of either.

The only things known to go faster than ordinary light is monarchy, according to the philosopher Ly Tin Weedle. He reasoned like this: you can’t have more than one king, and tradition demands that there...

It’s all life is. Just going ’round kissing people.

Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.

She had a voice so husky it could have pulled a dogsled, and the gun she was holding gave me a bad case of barrel envy.

Still trying to convince yourself that I am not?” Brennus responded smirking arrogantly and leaning back in his chair.

I always like a dog so long as he isn’t spelled backward.

He glared at Mr. Diddley’s yellow-toothed smile, and thought how he’d like to shove a toothbrush in his mouth and teach him how to use it.

(About a cookbook…)- What about this one? Maids of Honor?- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor…but they ends up Tarts.

The most enjoyable book in the world is the phone book, because think of all the sex that went into creating the content.

I think one of the problems in this country is that too many people are screwing things up, committing crimes and then getting on with their lives. What is really needed for public officials who...

How about a compromise: everybody leave the toilet seat at 45 degrees.

Murder and a glass of wine: priceless

I gave my girlfriend a gallon of my semen and a minivan and told her to fill it up with kids. Big mistake! I should have given her a bus.

Men don’t ask other men if they’re getting home OK, they just assume that beneath the frail, weak exterior lurks a muscle-building kung fu master fearless of ever being mugged.

Your boss loves your ideas … it’s you he doesn’t care about.

Kitty, do you have the bottle?” “In my purse. Which is in my room. Not that I think I can find my room from here.” “I’ll get it,” Martini said. He stood up and disappeared....

I celebrate my birthday in ways not seen this side of the Old Testament. I celebrate my life like the Dead Sea, and my party is a BYOP (bring your own plague) event.

What do you hope to get out of this meeting? – CIA Counterintelligence official, polling the audience before the start of a briefing on CIThat’s what I hope to get: out of this meeting. –...

I’m tired of this back-slappin’ “isn’t humanity neat” bullshit. We’re a virus with shoes.

I had a dream about you. I was passing out business cards the size of billboards, and you had a mouth as wide as a sperm whale, though your conversational range was as narrow as...

I know how you feel about gears and mechanisms.

People flock in, nevertheless, in search of answers to those questions only librarians are considered to be able to answer, such as “Is this the laundry?” “How do you spell surreptitious?” and, on a regular...

Everyone’s different, and in that way everyone’s the same. Stand out by sitting down. Try my love seat—it’s made for two people, so you can be comfortably obese.

I just got a world record. It has music from Europe, Asia, North America, all over the globe. Michael Phelps also has a world record, but you can’t dance to it like you can mine....