This is going to be murder,” Fransic whispered to Mr. Trimes. “Pure murder.””I’m glad to see your confidence returning, Mr. Tucket. Just a few minutes ago you were ready to give up. Now you’re talking...

Hardly anybody tells the truth these days. For the truth I have to go to Washington DC, and whatever a politician says, interpolate the opposite.

He’d spent so much time in the penalty box for fighting last season, he’d been tempted to hang a picture and maybe set up a lava lamp, it had felt so much like home

Santa was dead, to begin with. There was no doubt whatsoever about that. The after-action report was signed by the field commander, the director of operations, the secretary of the Office of Sidhe Affairs, and...

The Theist tells us that the truth is god exists,the Atheist tells us that the truth is there is no god,while the truth tells us we don’t know.

Just like a woman to do things on her own time.

I am sorry the only outlet for her troubled mind was in clumsy foreplay with an inadequate partner.”He threw the rest of her sandwich at the swinging door as she passed through it.

I saw my reflection in a glass, but I did not drink of myself. I’m thirsty for her love, not my own backwash.

If I saw a hitchhiker wearing a tie-dyed shirt, I’d assume he’s been waiting for a ride since the 1960s. I think that kind of patience is groovy.

No. Don’t distract me with your sexy talk.

Really, I’m trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she’s singing, but it doesn’t appear to be over

In the action business, when you don’t want to say you ran like a mouse, you call it ‘taking cover.’ It’s more heroic.

Gregor werd nog roder. En toen werd hij groen. Ik knipperde een paar keer met mijn ogen, maar hij was nog steeds groen, met rode ogen. Net de Hulk: hij werd steeds groener en griezeliger...

I make love in the rain, alone, under an umbrella, because people in phone booths cannot be trusted. I hang my clothes up like I hang up a phone—long distance.

Trying to remember a dream from a decade ago is like trying to catch fog in a coffee filter. I could subsist on morning mist.

Order for Jarod,” she said as I walked over to pick it up. This was it, this was my moment. Rebecca has a smile like silk sliding across freshly shaved skin, and she always leaves...

It was a scary thought. A man could be surrounded by poetry reading and not know it.

Don’t make me climb across this desk and slap you, because I will.

I think a man’s “wordplay” can be so fucking sexy!!! I love a good mind fuck!!

If you know your Bible and your Shakespeare and can shoot craps, you have a liberal education.

Yes, vanity is a weakness indeed. But pride – where there is a real superiority of mind, pride will be always under good regulation.

The over-weight and out of shape guy who owned the house had apparently decided that having a half-million dollar house meant that he couldn’t afford to hire someone to clean out his gutters. Now he...

It’s one thing to have a divinely inspired love given to you to experience and share; it’s something else altogether to recognize it when it appears. Our job is to go on being humbled and...

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It’s the funniest joke in the world.

Bring it, Darth Bathrobe!

You know your marriage is in trouble when your wife would rather listen to a cackling drug lord than accept your apology.

I mean, electric shock? Isn’t that a bit… electric shock-y?

Oompow,” which I would translate for you but it’s devastatingly embarrassing.

Geologically speaking, of course,” HARV said.

Think of the fierce energy concentrated in an acorn! You bury it in the ground, and it explodes into an oak!

He was a strange mix of Heinrich Himmler and Barney the Dinosaur.

My teacher asked my favorite color. … I said ‘Rainbow’…. and I was punished to stand out of my class.

I don’t have any upper body strength, but that matches up perfectly with my lack of lower body strength.

If life is a game… I need new dice!

In my experience, the romance novels written about BDSM have about as much in common with actual BDSM relationships as a child playing with a jump rope.

I think I remember what love was like before. There were complex emotional and biological factors. We had elaborate tests to pass, connections to forge, ups and downs and tears and whirlwinds. It was an...

Now I feel like James Bond. Suave and intelligent, breaking all the codes while looking fabulous.

…but I’d learned a long time ago that the worse things are, the more people lie about them.

Love is like a corn-dog popsicle, and I’m on the Most Wanted list. Unfortunately it’s by the government, specifically the FDA, and not by women.

To Mr. Blot, who went through life an unconscious example of the raison d’être of the British Empire, a shipwreck was merely one of the many things to be ignored. His was a calming influence.

how romantic.

A brick could be used to stop time. I did it once at my uncle’s house, and I nearly wrecked the universe. He wanted to spank me, but decided not to, because he was afraid...

Stirred with passion, laced with fun, spiked with laughter & served with a smile. On the road. No sugar, no mil. Horn OK Please. Buy my books or maythe wrath of a thousand locusts infest...

Her lips taste like mint from toothpaste or gum, or sometimes like cherries or grapes from her lip gloss. She’s soft when I hold her, with curves where my hands rest, and when I touch...

Children inherit their parents’ madness.

Are you smarter than my brain in a jar? Have a pickle while you ponder it.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

A brick could be used to sell war to the peacemongers. The trick is to sell war cheap, because the real profit is in the renewals and extending the service as long as possible.

The story of how I left Huckleberry begins — as do all worthy stories — with a goat

Yes Headwoman Azaze. But I never lie to Rosethorn. She, um, discourages it.””Evvy and I have an understanding.” She grabbed the teakettle and poured hot water into the mug. “She tells me the truth, and...