Oh, yeah, I borrowed it for a bit of bedtime reading,” said Ron, but very quietly.

The political brain is shaped like a peanut, only not as big.

I’ve been sendin’ you twits for the last hour.

What character with any sense of aesthetics desires a cradle-to-grave account of himself? That’s so passé, so nineteenth-century.

I understand the gist of your speculation,’ said Rhialto. ‘It is most likely nuncupatory.

All that I’ve learned, I’ve forgotten. The little that I still know, I’ve guessed.

Whenever you feel like feeling like a devil’s advocate, Bible-thump. That, in a worldly world, is the great irony and satire of evangelism.

A burial should be more than a fire pit, arena seating, and a squirming politician strapped to a pile of wood. There should also be marshmallows.

I really don’t know what to think, Mr Holmes,’ Lestrade muttered. ‘Well, that’s nothing new.

The past—I’m looking forward to it.

The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad. I speak now, of course, in the supposition that the gentle reader has not been abroad, and...

Pulling the chair out for me, he invited me to sit. I stood there wondering if I could sprint for the nearest exit. Stupid strappy shoes, I’d never make it. He leaned in close and...

Ich war erfolgreich, sah ganz vernünftig aus und ich hielt mich an sich für einen liebenswerten Menschen. Ich hatte eine Kontaktanzeige nicht nötig. Im Gegenteil, mir lagen die Männer sozusagen zu Füßen. Zwar lauter Idioten,...

I was young once and slender and pretty and I made the most of it. It’s somebody else’s turn now.

Instead of sidewalks, why not sideruns? After all, the pace of life is faster than it has ever been, so I think our infrastructure’s nomenclature should reflect that.

To be CREATIVE, you have to be CRAZY, not because you’re CRAZY or want others to become CRAZY, but because you must be CRAZY, before others become CRAZY for you.

Man, you weigh a freaking ton,” he told me. “What’ve you been eating, rocks?” “Why, is your head missing some?” I croaked. His mouth almost quirked in a smile, and that’s when I knew how...

My love started the day I was born. If you run you can probably catch up. Remember, think marathon—not sprint.

Don’t blame me. Tell your mom to move closer. Tell her there’s this new club called civilization and you guys should join.

I have a body like a mannequin. I must, because instead of women trying to get me naked, they only want to see me with clothes on.

As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread.

No thanks, I’ve already got a spot of tea on my shirt.

Some people work in the medical field, others in the legal field, while I work in the green field. Except in winter, and then I work in the brown field.

Basing your identity on sexuality is like building a house on a foundation of pudding. – D. Travers Scott

Number one on my list of things to do before I die is become immortal. Obviously there is no number two on my list.

Dead yet?” Gus answered.I smirked. “Not yet, but the night’s still young.””Here’s hoping.

I’ve got two neptunes here,” said Harry after a while, frowning down at his piece of parchment, “that can’t be right, can it?””Aaaaah,” said Ron, imitating Professor Trelawney’s mystical whisper, “when two neptunes appear in...

Being buried alive in a cemetery would put me in grave danger.

Cal?” I sit back and feel myself blushing, feel it from the tips of my toes all the way to the heat at the backs of my ears.

Using Facebook is like taking a Dyson to your spare time.

Must a name mean something?” Alice asked doubtfully.Of course it must,” Humpty Dumpty said with a short laugh; “my name means the shape I am – and a good handsome shape it is, too. With...

A teleporting cat! Is she yours?” Dr. Daniel McCleod. “Suki

When I burp I’m not just pushing polluted air into the world—no, I’m espousing my belief on the true nature of politicians.

Mr. Schlubb, the pear-shaped PE teacher, sent us all out to run half a dozen laps around a preposterously enormous cinder track. For the Greenwood kids—all of us white, marshmallowy, innately unphysical, squinting unfamiliarly in...

The light lulls you into a false sense of security. But if the dark should come suddenly and silently, you’d stand out like black on night.

It’s not a who, it’s a what.

A brick and a blanket could be used to show creativity, by making them the subjects of a divergence test. Oh wait, that’s what this is. Nevermind.

Grandma Got Herpes—For A Discount”.

He had a bleeding cut on his leg and he smelled like shit.Her nose wrinkled. “Step in something?” she asked innocently.”That I did not mind.” He took a menacing step toward her. “What I did...

Remember! Reality’s an illusion, the universe is a hologram, buy gold! Byeeee!

Murdering a mute to silence him is overkill.

A blanket could be used as a lovely rug, a rug that just so happens to be covering a large hole, you should really feel this rug!

A brick could be used to destroy your mannequin lover. It’s the only proper thing to do. Remember, I was the one who warned you about dating a politician.

The fact that we’re not lovers makes us more like bees and flowers than rabbits.

If I were a superhero, I’d be Honesty Man. I’d be so transparent I’d be invisible.

Old is always fifteen years from now.

I’m Scissor Tongue when I’m with her, snipping out snippets of dialogue before I even speak them. Being in love is best when you’re silent.

Oh for craps sake. You’re not dying again, are you? It’s seriously inconvenient when you do that.” -Aphrodite

I use blankets like armor for cold.

I’d rather jump in a tank with a tiger shark than make love to his right hand. I don’t care if he is going around gathering political votes.