A blanket could be used to barter with. I could trade my blanket for your sex, and everybody’s happy but the tax collector.

Into the face of the young man who sat on the terrace of the Hotel Magnifique at Cannes there had crept a look of furtive shame, the shifty hangdog look which announces that an Englishman...

We need to revitalize the American spirit. People are always asking ‘What would the founding fathers do,’ but I have yet to witness a single séance.

He could not consent to allow himself to be insulted, still less to allow himself to be treated as a rag, and, above all, to allow a thoroughly vicious man to treat him so. No...

A blanket could be used to sail with the wind. That wind is provided by my ceiling fan, and my boat is my bed. Why don’t you come over, and I’ll teach you the art...

If the self-help books worked, it would be a shrinking industry not a growing one.

I write sappy love poetry. Mostly about bleeding trees.

Stop” as you hold out a stiff arm and just stand there. It might feel like you’re waiting your whole life for that train to stop, and quite possibly you will wait your whole life...

It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being...

Student: Dr. Einstein, Aren’t these the same questions as last year’s [physics] final exam?Dr. Einstein: Yes; But this year the answers are different.

My vacation wasn’t long enough—and neither was my penis. Two weeks is just too short to satisfy one woman all night long.

Come to think of it, she did not speak a word. Yet I could have sworn she had the most beautiful voice.

Matt is a tortured soul,’ Amanda insisted. ‘He’s Heathcliff and you’re Cathy. He’s Rochester and you’re Jane Eyre. He’s-”Darcy and I’m Elizabeth. I get it. And you’re wrong.

I once made love to a taco shell stuffed with rancid meat and watery tomato bits. It was the best sex I’ve ever served to an unsuspecting customer.

A brick could be used to determine whether you are really in love or not. But you’re never going to be able to tell for sure if you try to run the experiment with the...

Neden genetik?-Hmm… Çünkü takıntılı ebeveynlere hayallerindeki iBebek’leri tasarlamaları için yardım etme hayalim var. Beyaz ırk, zayıf, sarı saç, mavi göz, sağlıklı, mümkünse erkek, mümkün olsun erkek olsun lütfen doktor hanım, sayısalcı ve heteroseksüel.

Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

Love is like meatloaf—don’t make it after midnight, unless you’re wearing a condom.

He looked the boy up and down as if he had never seen a child before and wasn’t quite sure what he was supposed to do with one: eat it, ignore it or kick it...

Good-humor is a philosophic state of mind; it seems to say to Nature that we take her no more seriously than she takes us. I maintain that one should always talk of philosophy with a...

Today I’m in love. Today is Tuesday, though that’s not why I’m in love. I’m in love with Friday, and I actually fell in love yesterday.

Bye,” but to me it means food. Of the greetings, goodbye is the desert.

No man can ever admire a woman the way she admires herself.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

For a woman, intellectually stimulated is sexually aroused. For a man, sexually aroused is—well, I don’t know, I can’t think right now, because I have an erection.

When your mother asks, “Do you want a piece of advice?” it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.

Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything.

There’s a new wine I want to try. I heard about it through the grapevine.

A brick could be used as a weight to keep the cardboard cutout of the Federal Government from blowing over. Well, at least unless a hurricane gets here, which would mean the government knocked down...

favorite” and thus had me at the first entirely inappropriate tweet flung my way.

You must have been going very fast.””I was, until I hit the fence.

M.

Since I can’t turn into a bat and fly, I’ll still need my bus pass

Vampires do breathe, by the way, but their chests don’t move like humans’. Have you ever lain in the arms of your sweetheart and tried to match your breathing to his, or hers? You do...

If you’re going to hold a grudge, at least put on an oven mitt before you pick it up.

A blanket, no matter how thin, could be sliced thinner, and in this way one blanket could be used to keep a multitude of people warm. But not that warm.

Do you see those dull stars?” She outlined the formation with her finger.”A pentagram,” whispered Scott.”Yes, but not just any pentagram. Take a look through the telescope.”Scott approached the eyepiece.”They’re not stars!” “What do they...

I handed him a beaker and toyed with the pleats of my skirt. The folds kept rippling against my knees in a distracting way. It was one of Naomi’s additions to my wardrobe. I quickly...

I am a jealous husband wife, and I feel your pain. All of it, for all of you.

You’re only young once. That is all society can stand.

Fish and visitors stink after three days.

Coffee, it’s not my cup of tea. Being in love isn’t really my cup of tea either, but when it’s steamy I’ll sip it dutifully.

Lovely Arra Sails,nectar to all males,how I’d like to spear you like a whaler spears a whale!

No. I’m really fast asleep,” came his voice from under the cowl.

Say ‘provoking’ again. Your mouth looks provocative when you do.

Confession was the emotional equivalent to puking, Riley supposed. Something bad went down, bits of it came back up, you felt better.

I have a thing for evil bald bad guys. The Kurgan is too sexy.

In Life, you need to know the difference between what you think is right and what you know is right.

Should I go up one flight of stairs and then come back down, or should I go down one flight of stairs and then come back up? Same destination, same distance, same amount of work,...

Now, Max, I think we both know your parents aren’t missionaries.”I opened my eyes wide. “No? Well, for God’s sake, don’t tell them. They’d be crushed. Thinking they’re doing the Lord’s work and all.