It isn`t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.

Don’t suffocate in there.

I’m Allen Walker!”My life….is over…I’m going to die….

Life has a whimsical way of kicking you in the throat. I find it tobe one huge cosmic joke at our expense, only nobody is laughingbut the forces that be—given that they are even a...

Just wanted to remind you that we’re out of milk again. And hot sauce.””Why are those two always out at the same time? Because those do not go together.””I suspect Shane. He’d put hot sauce...

The house seemed to have all the comforts of little Children, dirt and litter.

When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust. When I saw you with my clone in a dream, I saw the future.

Arlington National cemetery is huge! But that’s not surprising, because DC is the world’s largest graveyard of good ideas and intentions. Politicians are natural hunters. If there is a good and productive thing, they will...

Thanksgiving was nothing more than a pilgrim-created obstacle in the way of Christmas; a dead bird in the street that forced a brief detour.

You take all the fun out of life for me, Nik. You know that?” Aiden- Blood Hunger (Deathless Night Series #1)

And Nedley started saying,’Shut Up!Quit that! And i knew it really meant something to him. So I asked for his help,”Mark said. “Don’t tell the story like that,” Nedley laughed. “What he said was ‘Quit...

At the dealership, I pulled out the sieve and toyed with it threateningly. When the salesman was ready for me, I held it up, told him I was not a tourist and demanded a large...

Sell canoes to those who are enduring a drought, and sell sunscreen to those suffering from flooding. But give love freely to all, because samples encourage sales.

The main reception foyer was almost empty but Ford nevertheless weaved his way through it.

I’d rather make love to a robot than a politician, because it’d be more personable. Anyway, talking vacuum cleaners with flesh and suits freak me out.

You have a very attractive revenge streak in you. I like it. A lot.” ~Maggie Mae Castro to FBI Special Agent Clive Poole

Wake me for the massacre, okay? Don’t want to miss it.

Humor is just another defense against theuniverse.

Instantly, the pair fell to groping one other as if each had puff the magic dragon at a rock concert in Woodstock.

If I were a shovel salesman, my biggest customers would be murderers. Oh, and spurned lovers trying to bury the past.

Sometimes, to fix something, you need to completely ruin something else

I have a secret knock. It’s so secret that I never use it, lest you hear my knuckles knocking and try to reproduce a knock off to sell on the black market.

The Boogeyman,’ he said, just to be sure. ‘The Boogeyman killed an employee of the President of the United States.’The president nodded.Some days, Zach thought, I really hate this job.

Get out of bed and feed me already, person!

Playing with fire Kitten?

I was compared to Charles Bukowski yesterday. It was the best and worst compliment I’ve ever gotten.

In light of the darkness, I see no reason to have no reason.

I wrote an edible cookbook. The pages are made out of tortillas. It’s also the Book of Love. (Batteries and hot sauce sold separately.)

I stayed up all night making love—to myself. That reminds me, I need to buy some more Jell-O and political biographies.

There is no off position on the genius button.

Edwin is prepared to believe that a glass exists. And further, that this glass holds liquid.

I may not be smart enough to do everything, but I am dumb enough to try anything.

‘When did you first fall in love?’ ‘I think, I first fell in love when I was in fifth grade with this boy who kept his glass ruler in the sunlight and made rainbows on...

Am I going crazy, or am I the only one who can hear the silence?

I used to be a mddle-of-the-road kid, but now with my freaky looks I’m definately an outsider. Hooray.

Don’t be alarmed by the flashing lights and the sirens you can’t see or hear. Just keep your blindfold on, your earplugs in, and keep driving way over the speed limit. You are in control...

Charlene says:I heard I’m being moved to Jumping for Joy farm. That sounds like a happy place to be. I’ll learn a lot about jumping. Maybe it’s different than jumping up and down like I...

When someone tells you somebody’s been murdered, laughing is probably not the best response. You know, for future reference.But laughing is exactly what I did.

You rush a miracle worker, you get lousy miracles!

Ja, het is best een leuk bedrijf, al zitten er hier en daar een paar lijken in de kast.” Ik kreeg het angstige voorgevoel dat ze dit letterlijk bedoelde. “En welk bedrijf heeft er nu...

Life is still very much the same since I said I love you and she said nothing. That was two months ago, and neither one of us has yet to hang up the phone. I...

Speed dating is great, because when that bell rings, I drool like Pavlov’s dog.

I got tapped for the job position. As soon as I felt it on my shoulder, I turned around and my boss told me.

Wisdom comes in the silence of one’s chaos

You’re not doing a good job of selling me this dumb fantasy. I’m not climbing into the back of your van if I have to be Robin. I’m Batman. That’s how these things work.

…I could feel her burrowing into my heart. I didn’t know if the burrowing was like a kitten cuddling up to its mother or if it was like a chigger depositing its larvae underneath the...

Here’s a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once.

You know how mainstream news is interspersed with product ads? Well, why aren’t all the shows made entirely out of the stuff? I find commercials more believable, and I’d be more inclined to watch.

No need to get sexual with me.” I’m a bring my own elevator kind of lover anyway.

In my hands I hold the tools necessary for our government to fix our economic situation. My hands are empty, because a hands-off approach is the best approach.