I remembered Father remarking once that if rudeness was not attributable to ignorance it could be taken as a sure sign that one was speaking to a member of the aristocracy.

Good evening, Lord Corwin,’ said the lean, cadaverous figure who rested against a storage rack, smoking his pipe, grinning around it.Good evening, Roger. How are things in the nether world?’A rat, a bat, a spider....

It’s not hush money. It’s simply dollars backed not by faith, but by shhh.

Your questions regarding that gentleman are very delicate, very subtle, very much like being smacked in the head with a mallet.

There are three things that none of the young men of the present generation can do.They can’t sit over their wine;they can’t play at wist;and they can’t pay a lady a compliment.

When I see a poor person I think of me, and then I think, maybe I should pay my clones for all the work they do for me. Then I think, nah, they’re only slaves....

Falling in love is like falling into the arms of a starving cannibal. It’s the only time when dinner for two is dinner for one.

New Rule: If you’re one of the one-in-three married women who say your pet is a better listener than your husband, you talk too much. And I have some bad news for you: Your dog’s...

After an awkward pause, Bast extended his hand. Chronicler hesitated for a bare moment before reaching out quickly, as if he were sticking his hand into a fire. Nothing happened, both of them seemed moderately...

When life hands you a lemon, say, ‘Oh yeah, I like lemons! What else ya got?

Life – with or without softener- is hard

Instead of rolling out the red carpet, what about a cherry Fruit Roll-Up? Sometimes celebrity is a path you have to eat in retreat.

I is not only a letter, I is me. So in that respect, I guess I am a simple guy.

Yes, we have different viewpoints represented among us,” she continued. “Yes, we have a displacer in our number, and a half giant, and a seedman who publicly disgraced us.””She’s talking about you,” Drake muttered to...

Life is too hard to maintain a constantly serious outlook. You have to laugh at yourself and the world now and then―see humor in undesirable circumstances, even harsh situations―or you will either rot from the...

You ever had a hickey? I want to give you a hickey.””Karl, we’re not fourteen!””Don’t bloody care. I was in love with you when I was fourteen — your neck owes me a hickey.”(Karl &...

Cabel gives her a quizzical look. “I am totally not getting enough attention here.

It’s easier to drink my hot coffee when I’m lying in it, naked, in my bathtub. There’s room enough for two, if you’re thirsty for my loving.

I’m losing more hours of sunlight at night than anywhere else.

I didn’t fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

she tried to stand up. It very nearly worked too … apart from the world spinning at great speed with some very pretty stars … then the ground leapt up and hit her quite hard,...

And you’re never too immortal for a spanking,” he shot back…

And he gave it for his opinion, “that whoever could make two ears of corn, or two blades of grass, to grow upon a spot of ground where only one grew before, would deserve better...

Unlike your mother,” she said, exhaling, “I told the culprit immediately. I thought at the very least he would visit me in the hospital after it was all done, but the son of a bitch...

I was fashionably late in my unfashionable clothes.

That was not a glare. That was a dignified look of measured contempt.

Your novels show only the tiniest fraction of detective work, the brilliant crime, the tantalizing clues, the dramatic chase, the final battle atop a lofty peak with ocean waves crashing down below, and then… justice...

I want to be loved, but first, I want to love. I’ll love you and we’ll both feel good, and if you love me too that’d be great, but not entirely necessary.

Patience is a virtue,” she replies.”Why couldn’t ‘hurry the fuck up’ be a virtue?

They should make cell phones that are dishwasher safe. My cup runneth over—especially since both our drinks are in one glass because I’m too lazy to load the shotgun.

Bricks could be used like trophies. And if we give them to everyone, just for participating, then collectively we could build a big House of Emptiness.

Exactly,” Lightsong said, “I’ve actually considered expanding the theory. I am now proposing to believe that God-or the universe, or time, or whatever you think controls all of this-is all really just a drunk monkey.”She...

Excuse me? Tonight you represent every dateless woman in this city, every woman who’s about to sit down to a lonely meal of Weight Watchers past primavera she’s just nuked in the microwave. Every woman...

The guy’s life drunk, I think, makes Candide look like a sourpuss. Does he even know that death exists?

Claim whatever you want. Say you only want a happy family or a successful career or a big house. I say: no, that’s not what you want. You’ll settle for those things, but you really...

Music is crucial. Beyond no way can I overstress this fact. Let’s say you’re southbound on the interstate, cruising alone in the middle lane, listening to AM radio. Up alongside comes a tractor trailer of...

A brick can be used as a nickname for people who are slow, both physically and intellectually.

He turned to Matt and gave a huge smile, one hand on her withers. James reached out and pulled Matt to him, and they stood there in a little circle. It felt disconcertingly like… a...

Relax, having kids is years away. But can you imagine? Your brains, my charm, our collective good looks… then add in the usual physical abilities dhampirs get. It’s really not even fair to everyone else.

Last Sunday it was cloudy, and I thought, Who named this day? Then I thought, Why is there no Loveday? Naturally, It would follow Jarodday.

We talked about talking. (We had been interrupting Ms. Diz a lot). She said that when someone is talking, you listen with your ears.And save your questions for the end.Then you use your mouth.Even if...

You so need to lighten up about that potato-launcher incident,” Butch said.Phury rolled his eyes and eased back in the banquette. “You broke my window.””Of course we did. V and I were aiming for it.””Twice.””Thus...

A brick could be used to commit genocide on a small patch of grass, if you lay the brick down on the lawn and leave it there long enough. But I do not condone this...

Uh, what?

Why on earth would you buy a car like this if you can’t drive a stick? There are dozens of cars–new cars–that have automatic transmission. It’d be a million times easier.” Adrian shrugged. “I like...

He met her because I didn’t show up that day and he went in my place. If they get married, I should be the best man. I am Invisible Cupid, so where’s my monument to...

bow-chick-a-wow-wow” sound than anything else. Hormone overload!

You’re getting into some kind of shape, cop.”Aw, come on, now.” Butch grinned. “Don’t let that shower we took go to your head.”Rhage fired a towel at the male. “Just pointing out your beer gut’s...

There’s not a person alive who is ugly. Now dead people, they disgust me.

When a boy’s first romantic interlude is with Pheobe the Dog-Faced Girl, he feels a need to get out into the world and find a new life.