Childhood is either absurdly superficial or profoundly shitty. There’s no in-between. Anyone who reminisces about their happy childhood is delusional.

A good sherris-sack hath a twofold operation in it. It ascends me into the brain, dries me there all the foolish and dull and crudy vapors which environ it, makes it apprehensive, quick, forgetive, full...

I follow my own methods, and tell as much or as little as I choose. That is the advantage of being unofficial.

One can have a wit, but not a witless

There’s a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.”[Interview, The Paris Review, Summer 1956]

ONLY’ having the Gift, people appreciate this madness as Art. Everybody wants to have Art in their lives, but no body wants to have what the Art came out from in their lives…

He wasn’t aware of it but when he smiled he looked like an amiable bear. When he didn’t smile he didn’t look amiable

I’m myself, not a label.

conservative n.A person who possesses an underdeveloped taste for tyranny.liberal n.A person who believes in liberty, but only for the state.

Yes, fuck Christina. I think she’d like that.

Mathilde returned and strolled past the drawing-room windows; she saw him busily engaged in describing to Madame de Fervaques the old ruined castles that crown the steep banks of the Rhine and give them so...

I wish for you the wisdom to mind your own business.

Any woman who is sure of her own wits, is a match, at any time, for a man who is not sure of his own temper.

If you think rightly, every problem is financial problem or eventually becomes one.

The two keys to success as a sportswriter are: 1) A blind willingness to believe anything you’re told by the coaches, flacks, hustlers and other “official spokesmen” for the team-owners who provide the free booze...

I would rather be able to appreciate things I cannot have than to have things I am not able to appreciate.

M’sieur, I am as a slave to my wife.” He kissed the tips of his fingers. “I am as the dirt beneath her feet.” He clasped his hands. “I must bestow on her all that...

Magda was reading a book by a Trappist, in a better mood, and I was sitting on the edge of the bed, fingering my useless map.

Wealth can be created. Wit and intelligence can’t.

The wit taught by God to the beeIs withheld from the lion and the wild ass.

Don’t explain computers to laymen. Simpler to explain sex to a virgin.

And for God’s sake, if you need to shoot make sure to release the safety ,” he murmured, as we moved across the front, careful to stick to the shadows as often as we could....

[S]ince you are angry at me without reason, you attack me harshly with, “Oh outrageous presumption! Oh excessively foolish pride! Oh opinion uttered too quickly and thoughtlessly by the mouth of a woman! A woman...

It’s an easy guess, why some get famous over night and not during the day.

She was widely read enough to appreciate my literary wit but not so widely read that she knew my sources. I like that in a woman.

Camille, you have a son, and your wife is very well, and is asking you to be at home, right now.

A funny person is funny only for so long, but a wit can sit down and go on being spellbinding forever. One is not meant to laugh. One stays quiet and marvels. Spontaneously witty talk...

You can con God and get away with it, Granny said, if you do so with charm and wit. If you live your life with imagination and verve, God will play along just to see...

Did you just say youThink Mansfield Park is boring? Get out of my house.

He had a reputation in society as a man with a lively wit, whose gaiety was pleasant and formidable – which all gaiety must be in a society which would despise you if, while amusing...

It was like orderin a hamburger and getting only the buns”(After Brooke White of season 7 on american idol sang the song ‘Hero’by Mariah Carey)

Reason leavened with a little wit (if possible) is the real alternative to hate speech, meaning that there’s no better time for it.

Nancy was a writer with a lot of soul. That’s something that most critics either don’t have the opportunity to share with you or just can’t. She had the kind of humanity that is embracing....

WIT, n. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.

I believe I can actually agree with that, though I suspect for different reasons than you imply.

That’s a very murky position,” objected Felix.”So’s the weather. But this is England, we must learn to live with uncertainty.

He drew a circle that shut me out-Heretic , rebel, a thing to flout.But love and I had the wit to win:We drew a circle and took him In !From the poem ” Outwitted

Yes, well, I’m not asking you to hide anything. Hiding won’t help you. You can’t very well hide from a pit, can you? You just need to avoid falling into it.” – Brohan Madhrarigal

Never rely upon a time machine to fix your problems, as everyone knows, they’re much too faulty.

I’m eating a massive pastrami sandwich. It’s so beautiful I might cry. Just so you know.

Recollection is the only paradise from which we cannot be turned out.

It is the curse of the competent―not to be called upon.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

No sensible man ever engages, unprepared, in a fencing match of words with a woman.

Majority wins, but majority is not necessarily right and sometimes majority is awfully wrong.

If water was beer I’d be a teetotaler

On some days you get what you want, and on others, you get what you need.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it’s ready.

Just bring your wits. Sometimes that’s the most effective weapon any of us has.

To have a viable civilization, people have to have a benign government, a semblance of education, spare time, imagination, and manners