You can make a sordid thing sound like a brilliant drawing-room comedy. Probably a fear we have of facing up to the real issues. Could you say we were guilty of Noel Cowardice?

Yeah, well, wish in one hand, crap in the other, and see which fills up first

Good madonna, give me leave toprove you a fool.

You cannot negotiate art.

Two blind men waited at the end of an era, contemplating beauty.

[On Oscar Wilde:]”If, with the literate, I amImpelled to try an epigram,I never seek to take the credit;We all assume that Oscar said it.[Life Magazine, June 2, 1927]

Clever as the Devil and twice as pretty.

There is, I believe, in every disposition a tendency to some particular evil, a natural defect, which not even the best education can overcome.””And your defect is a propensity to hate everybody.””And yours,” he replied...

For a poet he threw a very accurate milk bottle.

Well then that’s our date confirmed. I am excited! Most girls want to know if I have long term plans to start a family; you want to know if I like 80s rap. I think...

I no longer believe in love,” she said bitterly. “When people claim to have lost their heart, it’s usually only their wits that have vanished.

He felt that such a life in which one could display such sarcasm and wit was after all to a certain degree worth living.

Hyperbolic statements will be the death of us all

Erudition is the crude residue of wilted harvests; wit: the meddlesome weed that wilts them.

True Wit is Nature to advantage dress’dWhat oft was thought, but ne’er so well express’d;Something whose truth convinced at sight we find,That gives us back the image of our mind.As shades more sweetly recommend the...

Soar with wit. Conquer with dignity. Handle with care.

Captain Billings,” he drawled finally, “if you will pardon my candor, I might remark that you are something of an ass, don’t you know.

As though she were asking me where some sort of unusual wine could be obtained, she inquired fretfully and worriedly: ‘Jack, have you any idea where I could find some presentable loose women?’ I had...

Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don’t forget food. You can go a week without laughing.

Only one English word adequately describes his transformation of the islands from worthless to priceless: magical.

Cheap editions of great books may be delightful, but cheap editions of great men are absolutely detestable

I should think a dead language would be rather boring, sociallyspeaking.

… fantasy is not practice for what is real—fantasy is the opiate of women.

Writing a book is like sliding down a rainbow! Marketing it is like trudging through a field of chewed bubblegum on a hot, sticky day.

Expectation. That is the true soul of art. If you can give a man more than he expects, then he will laud you his entire life. If you can create an air of anticipation and...

Nothing evokes the prurient like puritanism.

When you have wit of your own, it’s a pleasure to credit other people for theirs.

On ne peut pas tout avoir. Et puis d’abord où le mettrait-on?

Jimmy Murray, you are an ass,’ said Aunt Ruth, angrily.’Well, we’re cousins,’ agreed Cousin Jimmy pleasantly.

Man forgives woman anything save the wit to outwit him.

Everything can always be better! To know this is a wit! But if you also know that everything can always be worse and that is wisdom! Wisdom is to see both the lights and the...

If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don’t have to worry about answers.

Now what happens?” asked the man in black. “We face each other as God intended,” Fezzik said. “No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.””You mean you’ll put down your rock and I’ll put down...

You know, you’re rather amusingly wrong.