I’m a lion in a strange land.

You say freak, I say unique.

Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory.

My ashtray is full, the carton of cigarettes is empty, and I just cremated grandpa. But I never inhaled—or told him I loved him.

There’s truth and honor in a mustache. And that’s why I started flying one on the flagpole outside of my house.

He never once tells me what Tiffany thinks or what is going on in her heart: the awful feelings, the conflicting impulses, the needs, the desperation, everything that makes her different from Ronnie and Veronica,...

It was queer meeting him there—odd I mean—and what are the odds we’d meet at a gay bar? I was there to meet a woman, I think.

If you’re going to hold a grudge, at least put on an oven mitt before you pick it up.

Stab me if you can enjoy it – but not if it feels like a duty. Stab me vertically if I’m lying down and horizontally if I’m running

She says he says, but she could be lying to me, and he could be lying to her, so I can’t believe her, even if I could believe her.

It must be an odd person indeed that can say for certain they are normal.

Christopher throws dandelion head after dandelion head into his bag. It’s getting heavy now and his fingers are stained from the work but there are still so many left to kill. His biggest mistake is...

When the clock reads 3:00, I don’t call it three o’clock, I call it three hundred, and I remember the Spartans. At 3:01, however, I remember what I was doing at 2:59, and I get...

…only think a moment that we are here now, and that that was then, and it has come to this, and how odd, odd, odd it is!

…Tell me, has anything odd happened to you recently?What do you mean, odd?’Unusual. Deviating from the customary. Something outside the usual parameters of normalcy. An occurrence of unprecedented weird.

When I’m 42, I’ll have 21 years of experience being 21. I’ll be doubly prepared to handle myself in a bar, most likely by avoiding them altogether.

Play as well as you can; that’s it, as opposed to creating these odd paranoias, trying to be something you’re not.

He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse.

I make love like a sandwich ate at my best friend. It’s only happened to me once, and I very nearly didn’t have to pay for it.

In those moments it’s hard to remember that an angry voice is an invisible thing incapable of drawing blood.

I want to make something of myself. I believe it’s called a statue.

I always find beauty in things that are odd and imperfect – they are much more interesting.

What is a genius? A person who demands little to nothing from others, but is often found extremely difficult to have around.

I’d rather have nobody to say anything to, than have nothing to say to anybody.

Hey, Ms. P,” Tad called, “what’s going on?”She let out a slow breath before she answered. “You won’t believe this… Brian Murrey tried to eat Scott Morgan.”Nick’s eyes widened at the unexpected explanation. Had he...

Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I have to stop at Walmart and pick up some supplies.

Being weird adds spice to life. Having weird friends just deepens the flavor

All things are strange which are worth knowing.

To me, beer tastes like piss. Maybe that’s why I only enjoy it in the shower with my uncle.

I do love her, and that’s odd because she is everything I detest in anyone else.

Normal is over rated, and so is spelling.You want perfection? Go out and buy a spell check, but know this: Spellcheck won’t keep you warm at night or love you unconditionaly. I will stick to...

Should I go up one flight of stairs and then come back down, or should I go down one flight of stairs and then come back up? Same destination, same distance, same amount of work,...

Once i watched you wake up, you had the same frown. “When one gets up, there is a moment when everything looks odd and strange.

I have a 12:34 representational time dance. I do it at 3:33 every other Tuesday (twice a day). If you’d like to participate in my choreographed dance routine, bring a football helmet and a half...

My toothpaste tastes like baloney, so I brush my teeth with wheat bread. Guess what flavor my love is, and what kind of mechanical apparatus I use to make it.

You see, that’s what’s so odd, how everyone thinks they’re normal and the truth is no one in the world is normal at all. Isn’t that wonderful?

I’m older than myself. At least I will be, once my clone gets here.

I’m so scared of commitment that I even hate stickers. I mean, once they’re stuck, that’s it. No going back now. Stupid stickers.

When people say there is no place like home, the first to agree are the homeless.

I’m in disguise. I’m disguised as myself, and I’m a master of disguise, so that’s why you couldn’t tell I was in disguise. Not even my clone could tell.

We have the best rats in town!

We rode the merry-go-round like a couple of lovers. We weren’t though; we were just two horse enthusiasts from two different worlds (I think she was from Mars).

The problem is normal was’nt in my DNA. I was destined to be forever freakish.

I am an artist you know … it is my right to be odd.

I once made love to a taco shell stuffed with rancid meat and watery tomato bits. It was the best sex I’ve ever served to an unsuspecting customer.

You should really stay true to your own style. When I first started writing, everybody said to me, ‘Your style just isn’t right because you don’t use the really flowery language that romances have.’ My...

Isn’t that an odd philosophy for a vampire?

Love happens to some people, sometimes. Other times other stuff happens to other people. I’m a person like those people.

She looked at me for a second and said, “Oh, never mind. I guess it’s true what Mom said? That you’ve led a sheltered life?”I said I thought the description fairly apt.

33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One old woman died while giving birth to twins.