Wilmer is wired into our audience. His humor, style and approachable personality make this a great fit for MTV.

Follow Your Dreams, Except the One Where You’re at School in Your Underwear

I am a trembling mess from hip to knee. There is a terrible heat, a looseness in my innards that makes me want to dig my fists between my thighs. It is a confusing feeling...

I suspect he’s sweet on Sophie and doesn’t like to see her work too hard.’Tessa was glad to hear it. She’d felt awful about her reaction to Sophie’s scar, and the thought that Sophie had...

And now Kit’s cock—which had mostly been used for taking a leak before that moment—woke up and screamed I WANT! FEED ME ASSHOLE! And Kit had given it a good handshake until it threw up.

…and it’s ridiculous that anyone would praise a child for standing with arms spread out on a wooden cross, as if she were Jesus’s dead sister wearing a checkerboard tablecloth.

[…] dropped his master’s head upon the floor with a pretty loud crash, and then, without an effort to lift it up, gazed upon the bystanders, as if he had done something rather clever than...

The eccentric passion of Shankly was underlined for me by my England team-mate Roger Hunt’s version of the classic tale of the Liverpool manager’s pre-game talk before playing Manchester United. The story has probably been...

If that’s the case, waiter, please bring me another piece of cake,” Gramps said as lunch was brought to the table, “I’m all for fighting tyranny and oppression.

Giving the rugged repairman the eye was one thing — but Charity had no intention of snogging away a whole rainy afternoon when she was supposed to be catching up on her work. Lady Margaret...

A writing day is like any other day. Except I live in my pajamas, I forget to eat, and I suddenly look up, wondering when day turned into night.

The wand picks you, you don’t pick the wand.

I walked back by way of the sea-lions’ enclosure to refresh my eyes with the King Penguin’s perfect ecclesiastical tailoring. He was pacing moodily about as usual, in what one felt to be the interval...

La negación no es solo un rió en Egipto.

Talk about insanity. Being attracted to deVries was like a month saying, “Hey, let’s go check out that awesome bonfire”.

soul mate” really just the best approximation of ourselves that we can find?

Damon Scares me,’ Maggie said. ‘Maybe you should do what he wants.”Can’t.”Why not?”Because he killed me. That kind of pisses me off

DISARM ALL RAPISTSBut what will we doWith their legs?

I would rather write a book without a title if my true friend chooses to live in a million dollar home in London and acts foreign.

…every year for decades there had been great excitement over the Largest Vegetable competition (“That would be my husband”, was the standard comment).

Never do anything that you don’t want to have to explain to 9-1-1 personnel.

I glance down, and my eyes get big.”What?” He glances down, realizes why my eyes are big, and shrugs his shoulders. “It’s morning.””It’s cute. Can I keep it?

The on and off thing is kind of annoying, isn’t it? First with Cole, now with Gavin. “Maybe you need a tune up.” I rolled my eyes. “I’ll just pop into the supernatural ability repair...

Semper Fi.” iBooks. This material may be protected by copyright.

If you had a piece of coal, we could hold her down, shove it up her ass, and come collect a big, fat diamond in a few days.

Tell me about yourself.’ A strange thing for a husband to ask a wife.

They’d paid some madman who thought he was a decorator a lot of money to make the place look hip and unique. Maybe it’s my lack of fashion sense talking, but I thought they should...

College = A place where you spend a ton of money for a piece of paper that says you’re qualified.

Life is about more that quotes about life

Wisdom of the Ages “Car Commercials” One of the last times you’re ever gonna see that overpriced s-box not stuck in a traffic jam.

…I like the way Chee kept God magical, sorta like Santa Claus when you’re a kid. More priests should take this approach, because there is a frickin’ reason why Santa Claus is more popular than...

You’re a terrible woman Nox, but by the stars I love you beyond words themselves,

Will everyone stop eating dinosaurs?

For people who like that kind of thing, this is the kind of thing they like.

When Chuck Norris calls 911 it’s to ask if everything is ok.

You stick a bunch of drunken murderers together, ain’t long before some turn to thieving, then to lying, then to bad language, and pretty soon to sobriety, raising families and making an honest living.

Seeing how I’ve held your penis in my hand, I think that puts you firmly in the not a stranger category.

Whenever I’m running an hour late for for work, it always makes me feel better when I can leave an hour early at the end of the day to make up for it.

It’s not what I’d want for at my funeral. When I die, I just want them to plant me somewhere warm. And then when the pretty women walk over my grave I would grab their...

wear flannel next to your skin, and never believe in eternal punishment.

Wait. Are you about to do something really stupid? -GUARD

Dr. Loveless: Dang these pine needles. Why can’t a forest be decently carpeted?Wild Wild West (TV) Second Season: Night of the Green Terror

Umoristica (sessista): “Alcuni membri della Commissione avrebbero preferito che le donne non fossero ammesse in Irlanda, ma ci voleva pure qualcuno che stirasse

was willing to bend nature to fit his grand philosophical scheme.” The only difference between Mendeleev and crackpottery is that Mendeleev was right: Lecoq de Boisbaudran soon retracted his data and published results that corroborated...

What are summer teeth? Summer in their mouth, Some are elsewhere.

I can be a regular bitch. Just try me.

Innerst inne vill folk ha mulattbarn. Alla samma utblandade fadda plusminusnoll-människa.

I know that not all my readers like my digressions, but the research that has been done on Caenorhabditis elegans is such a ringing triumph of science that you aren’t going to stop me.

We’ll see.

People who leave their drugs in a bathroom the guests use are just asking for trouble.