Yes, but humans are more important than animals,’ said Brutha.’This is a point of view often expressed by humans,’ said Om.

How about 8:01?

Comparing penis sizes is a much more nuanced and sophisticated way to determine who’s right than something as clunky and uncouth as a debate.

Evolutionarily speaking, there is seldom any mystery in why we seek the goals we seek — why, for example, people would rather make love with an attractive partner than get a slap on the belly...

A diary with no drawings of me in it? Where are the torrid fantasies? The romance covers?

I’ll do anything for money. Anything except work.

While Owen and Miles talk sports, I people watch. And this is what I see: teenagers trying to act like adults. Or how they think adults act. But mostly they look ridiculous, and I wonder...

He looked at her defiantly, and she thought: and so one at a time we all become human—human werewolves, human dwarfs, human trolls …the melting pot melts in one direction only, and so we make...

Thirty–the promise of a decade of loneliness, a thinning list of single men to know, a thinning brief-case of enthusiasm, thinning hair.

If somebody were to ask me what it means to me to be American, I’d respond, “It’s like eating scrambled eggplant with a dozen 1969 moons sunny side up at noon.” If they asked me...

From space this Earth is incandescent with abominations – the gods write their signature in our entrails

You look lousy,’ he said. Jace blinked. ‘Seems an odd time to start an insult contest, but if you insist, I could probably think up something good.”No I mean it. You don’t look good.”This is...

I can’t afford to waste either my money or my time—but that doesn’t stop me from trying.

Two things that matter to me. Emotional resonance and rocket launchers.

And people think she killed him?” said Miss Tick. She sighed. “They probably think she cooked him in the oven, or something.””They never actually said,” said Tiffany. “But I think it was something like that,...

All I need is your love. And money.

Hi honey, I’m home! Take your pants off!” Wesley announced. He kissed my cheek as he passed me and put his lunch container in the sink.

My life was going to flash before my eyes, but it decided to hide behind my eyes and quake with terror instead.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, and then throw it in the face of the person who gave you the lemons until they give you the oranges you originally asked for.

recession.” No matter how many millions of jobs are lost, how much debt our country accrues, or how many years the stagnation drags on, it’s not a depression until the dogmatic media officially declares it...

You’ve got to have, like, a lentil for a soul to hate wiener dogs.

You can’t has,’ he whispered softly, ‘not yours.

Up until I saw the hair in my food, it was delicious. You know, cannibalism isn’t so bad.

Bah, Alzheimer’s. Grandma wouldn’t be so forgetful if she didn’t always have dick on her mind.

No hard feelings about that time in the Crucible when you mixed my salts and I was nearly blind for a day. No. No, really, drink up!

He has fought many battles with us” (Jace) By which you mean one battle” muttered Simon. “Two if you count the one I was a rat

I refer to myself as he, the third person, because the first two people are out on a date. They probably expect me to pick up their tab.

Barish ho gayi, meri Gari dhul gayi

I am so stupid, so easily fooled. It’s really almost funny. If I could lift a finger I would gladly kill myself.

After you first tell someone you love them, the weight of the wait for them to tell you they love you too feels like an elephant doing jumping jacks on the back of your mouse-like...

He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebearers, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.

It’s not cold in here, you’re just dying.

I am very flattered. I have also become a verb as in “I have cumberbatched the UK audience” apparently. Who knows, by the end of the year I might become a swear word too! It’s...

Why spend ten dollars to buy one item that does two things, when for five dollars a piece I can sell you two items that each does one thing?

I’ts better with the right hand than with the wrong girl

The atmosphere is always very grave when I walk into a cemetery.

If you were running away from me, down a straight hallway with an oiled hardwood floor, and I had a machine gun and a pointy mustache, I still couldn’t hit you with a bowling ball....

By journey’s end the brides were much better acquainted with their grooms and more or less pleased with the matches. Sybil Bingham wrote in her diary, thanking God for answering her prayer for filling “the...

New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That’s right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives it to the poorer one…just like President Obama wants to do...

I have never seduced a fish taco for selfish reasons. I am an altruistic lover.

How do you explain plastic to a medieval forest bard?

A coffin would make a great suitcase. If I folded it neatly, I’ll bet I could pack in all my love for you.

I’m into extreme sports. Well, just one—cuddling.

They worried to an excessive degree about getting gender correct, as if elves gave a shit. Humans could keep their concerns about everyone’s genitalia to themselves.

America is bad at discriminating between danger likely to strike again, and red herrings, the freaking helpings of disaster that no man or plan can prevent.

I love three women—Agatha, Christy, and Agatha Christie.

There are certain common privileges of a writer, the benefit whereof Ihope there will be no reason to doubt; particularly, that where I am notunderstood, it shall be concluded that something very useful and profoundis...

Guess The Mannequin” with me and two mannequins, you’d pick me, because I’m the quiet one. Still, it’s important for me to get out and meet people, even if that means hanging around department stores...

Her and I, we have a two chairs and a table kind of love. You should pull up a feeling and have a seat.

I wish I was a tree so I could reproduce asexually.