In this country we have no place for hyphenated Americans.

My nickname in high school was Catch 22. Not because I was a walking dilemma, but because I had 22 catches freshman year. The interesting part was that I didn’t play football, but that’s just...

If you’re getting up to cross the Sahara, I could sure go for a bottle of water. My thirst to love you will never be quenched.

We could undoubtedly survive on these rations a lot longer than we’d care to live.” (NASA went ahead and tested an all-milkshake meal plan on groups of college students living in a simulated space capsule...

She was very close to my heart. Even though we were separated by a distance of 400 years, I was lying on her grave.

No matter how dire a situation may be, I can always find the humor in it somewhere. If I was ever in a horror movie I would be the goofy one who doesn’t seem to...

My mother made a squeaking sound that might of been either “yes” or “help”.Poseidon took it as a yes and came in.Paul was looking back and forth between us, trying to read our expressions.Finally he...

Of all the flowers from a rose to a carnation, I’d die for reincarnation.

I wash my hands in the blood of grapefruit. Come, drink with me.

Wherever he found his speech growing too modern — which was about every sentence or two — he ladled in a few such Scriptural phrases as “exceeding sore,” “and it came to pass,” etc., and...

Reach into your heart and find the gold in it. Mine is shaped like an Olympic medal.

You’re Valentine’s son. I’m sure you’re the one the Queen really wants to see. Besides, you’re charming. Maybe not at the moment.

Wow. When he started looking back on the war with Kronos as the good old days–that was sad.

Back when I was growing up we didn’t have teleportation devices. We actually had to walk to school. In the snow. And shoes hadn’t even been invented yet.

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

Sophie held the [hand]cuffs higher, hopint to instill some sense of shame, if not in him, then at least in herself. One look at him and she wanted him again. “I found them in the...

I went to visit my grandma. I meant to stay for two days, but ended up staying two months. (So I overslept a little).

it’s like she knows me already.

Right,” she said, “We’re going to the Land of the Dead and I shouldn’t think negative.

A blanket could be used as a tarp over one of those tiny circular inflatable pools for children. Well, you might call it a tarp, but I’d call it a trap. But I’ve already tried...

If love were a color, it’d be orange. Not because that’s a romantic color, but because it’s the sweetest. If you want to know how I feel about you, I just made some juice out...

I can last two months on a good compliment.

Meow.

The right things often happen for the wrong reason.

The sign was spray-painted in Arabic and English, probably from some attempt by the farmer to sell his wares in the market. The English read: Dates-best price. Cold Bebsi. “Bebsi?” I asked.”Pepsi,” Walt said. “I...

No! Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try.

I love in all directions, except southeast. Don’t ask me why, because I already told you where. Also, don’t ask me who, because the list of who I love is as long as a phone...

The higher the testosterone, the lower the maturity level.

Humor can get in under the door while seriousness is still fumbling at the handle.

I remembered that Beethoven’s symphonies had sometimes been given names… they should have call [the Fifth] the Vampire, because it simply refused to lie down and die.

When you’re young you think you know it all, when you’re old you wish you could remember it all.

There are pockets of wealth in this country. Mostly those pockets are in the politicians’ pants.

A good server knows how to be seen, yet remain invisible. I was a great server, and I achieved invisibility by never showing up for work. My boss ended up firing me, probably over petty...

He wouldn’t call a glass of water half full or half empty; he’d assume it was poisoned and run away.

I don’t do ‘black music,’ I don’t do ‘white music’…I make fight music, for high school kids.

¨Someday, I’m going to have to break some of your rules, Mom.¨¨I know,¨ she said. ¨Try to do it behind my back, will you?¨¨You can bet on that, Mom.¨We both sat there and laughed.

I tried to tell you. You said you didn’t care, remember?”A muscle ticked below his eye. “You should have told me anyway.””While you had barbells within your reach? Please. I’m Disease, not Stupid.

Why would you come to Italy to see Spanish steps? That’s like going to China for Mexican food, isn’t it?

I place a higher value on human life than on no human life. But only barely.

…hanging out does not make one an artist. A secondhand wardrobe does not make one an artist. Neither do a hair-trigger temper, melancholic nature, propensity for tears, hating your parents, nor even HIV – I...

The Bible talks about building houses on sand and rock, but says nothing about a brick house built on a blanket.

The cause isn’t worth getting up for, but it is worth sleeping for. Just trying to do my part to help humanity.

It was one thing to snuggle a little when the world seemed about to end, and quite another to explain to her parents that she wanted to date an ancient magical horse.

I’m not in manufacturing, but I make something. I make a difference. But to be honest, I think China can make it cheaper.

I’ve been fishing for over forty years. You’ve got plenty of time to catch up, maybe even pass what I’ve done. You’re a perspicacious piscatorial pursuer, and I’m sure you’ll catch the big ones.

The birds bark my name, and I meow theirs in return. I may be a bit mixed up about life, but not about love. Or maybe I mixed that up.

Her last name was Purchase, and I was sold. I tried to buy, but as there was only one of her, she was OUT OF STOCK. Better luck tomorrow.

Becky Renee Apple – can you believe her mom named her that and then had all of her sweaters monogramed with ‘BRA’?

My love grows long, and my smile is wide. My gaze is deep, and my penchant for making up words is apopleggio.

Not kill us,” Pigeon corrected. “She was mainly just trying to turn us into mindless slaves.