Yeah. Floyd is his batman.”His what?”Batman, like in the British army, each officer had a batman, a personal servant.”You spend too much time reading, Spenser. You know more stuff that don’t make you money than...

If instead of a handshake you hold out a fist for a fist bump, I’ll wrap my hand around your fist like it was a circular shower handle, and toggle between hot and cold a...

Really? Assaulting an officer? That’s a new one for you.” ~ FBI Special Agent Clive Poole to Maggie Mae Castro

Damn it, I should be the only one allowed to drool over him. I found him first! Or something not as stupid.

I’m going to name my firstborn son 0123456789, because I want him to learn to count before he learns the alphabet. And my second son I’ll call 01, because I want him to get into...

I am the bow of love. I’m also the bow of hate. Same spelling, different pronunciations and meanings. Would you like me to gift wrap my greeting?

Holy mother!””Hmph. More like holy father. I’d think you’d know the difference.”-Hephaetus

I love you” is alive and well.

Couldn’t you hypnotize her or something?””It doesn’t work like that.””I thought vampires were all sex gods with the ladies.”Cade looked at him. “What gave you that idea?””Uh … late-night TV, mostly …””Humans are our food....

Wraith snorted. “Cowards. Seriously. Who brings a gun to a knife fight? That’s cheating.””You don’t have a gun?” Kynan asked.Wraith made a face of digust. “It’s not very sporting to shoot people.””So you’re saying that...

Is there a word halfway between hello and goodbye? Because that’s the word my soul is trying to say.

You don’t need brass knuckles to discover if a man has a glass jaw. All you need to do is stick his face in a dishwasher, and then check for water spots.

I always wanted a sister who could beat me up.

The more I know, the more I realize that I don’t know much at all…

The author meant it as a joke, Mr. Langdon. Ionic means containing ions—electrically charged particles. Most objects contain them.

very simple to earn in india, create a temple that’s it on the name of the any lord.

Standing around making ten dollars an hour—that’s what they pay me the big bucks for.

Love is you wearing her favorite shirt of yours, just like you did yesterday and the day before. And the day before that too.

Last night the secrets of the universe were revealed to me, and they had nipples.

Piper went a little crazy. She cried out with relief and dove straight into the water.What was she thinking? She didn’t take a rope or a life vest or anything. But at the moment, she...

A brick could be used as a doorstop. But that’s obvious. What isn’t obvious is why somebody would want to stop a door, since doors represent openness. What is that person hiding behind that door...

Star” in myname. I have a feeling I’m going to be a star as a jumper.

When something needs to be said, you look for a man to say it. But when something needs actually to be done, you look for a woman.

Hamlet’s Cat’s Soliloquy”To go outside, and there perchance to stayOr to remain within: that is the question:Whether ’tis better for a cat to suffer The cuffs and buffets of inclement weatherThat Nature rains on those...

A tree with red leaves is like an old man with gray hair. Likewise, my love for you was blue, but now it’s orange, and that’s a compliment.

Experience counts for something. I count with my fingers. I could count on you, but you’ve only got one finger for me (the middle one).

Poseidon’s underpants! You can’t be serious.

In Jacksonville, people respect people. Rodney Dangerfield would have loved it here.

Avoid stock expressions (like the plague, as William Safire used to say) and repetitions. Don’t say that as a boy your grandmother used to read to you, unless at that stage of her life she...

You make me sound like an arrogant ass,” he said.”Are you?””No! I’m just me.

In all, his outfit required nearly two thousand man-years of research and development, eight barrels of oil, and sixteen patent and trademark infringement lawsuits. All so he could possess casual style. A style that, in...

If I ever decide to kill you, you’d be the first to know about it. (And hopefully the only person to know about it).

The miracle isn’t that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start.

If you wanted to kill me, why haven’t you smothered me in my sleep?” “No sport in that.” She gestured towards the ceiling. “Can I expect to be strung up on that bar and gutted...

In elementary school, in my lunchbox, I used to pack a saxophone. I could have been a chef, a culinary artist, and all that jazz.

From this moment on I’d dedicate my life to rock and roll and take as many drugs as possible. What could possibly go wrong?

[A]s Agatha Swanburne once said, ‘To be kept waiting is unfortunate, but to be kept waiting with nothing interesting to read is a tragedy of Greek proportions.

I was quite a looker in my time,” she said. Was she reading his mind, or only being smart, to know she must be hideous?”Oh, had they invented time as long ago as that?

Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit?

Touch her, and I’ll freeze your testicles off and put them in a jar. Understand?

We are the generation of Social Media, Our biggest Revolution is a Tweet of 141 Characters.

Revenge seeks its pound of flesh. That’s one fifth of my erection.

Either you go to America with Mrs. Van Hopper or you come home to Manderley with me.””Do you mean you want a secretary or something?””No, I’m asking you to marry me, you little fool.

So it happened at last: I was about to become a thief, a cheap milk-stealer. Here was your lash-in-the-pen genius, your one story-writer: a thief.

If given the choice, I’d take five ones over a five-dollar bill, because women prefer men with lots of money.

I introduced myself as the man who’d introduce her to her future husband. Then I called over my clone, knowing full well that after they’d fallen in love and gotten engaged, I was going to...

A blanket could be frozen and used to cool off a warm body as you slowly thaw it out.

People who leave their drugs in a bathroom the guests use are just asking for trouble.

I didn’t realize dogs can speak German.

Love means never to have to say, “That hooker meant nothing to me” – Jonathan “Jack” McVoy