Love smells like a flower in bloom. A flower that’s sitting on a pile of steaming feces.

Sex drives the world and sex in on every human mind, be it a prophet or be it a saint, history has full of evidences.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Đàn bà trên bốn mươi luôn ẩn chứa những phẩm chất ma quái.

I love Shark Week, where all kids under 12 swim for free

real” relationship?

If a blanket could be used to keep one person warm, then it stands to reason that all the blankets in the world are to blame for global warming, and I think our political leaders,...

I shed my clothes like a garage doesn’t shed—and a shed doesn’t garage. Then we made love like neighbors, so close, yet separated by several barriers.

Who the hell is that?!Some call her Satan. Others, Beelzebub. She goes by many names.

Det var tomt i kiosken. Kan en disk satt en tjukk olding av en dame. Far hadde gitt meg en femtilapp. Feriepenger kalte han det. Det blir ikke mye ferie for femti kroner – Dronningen...

I refuse to be just another statistic. I’m empowering myself to be an informed, assertive, beautiful statistic!

At this point in my life, beaming confidence is largely a matter of mind over bladder control

I keep my love for her in the ashtray, along with the other stuff she burnt.

A brick could be used as a musical instrument. It doesn’t matter how bad it sounds, because I’ll be the band’s lead singer, and my sexy voice is like melted butter on a corn on...

A blanket could be used to protect your heart from heartbreak. Keep your heart warm, because if your heart grows as cold as ice, it’s much more likely to shatter.

I don’t kid about fucking.

When we first got married, we made a pact. It was this: In our life together, it was decided I would make all of the big decisions and my wife would make all of the...

Aging is about mind over matter – every year my matter drops another quarter inch below my mind.

Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it in summer school

When I make love I use protection. I wear rubber gloves.

A brick could be used as one ingredient on the greedy Cake of Love. Other ingredients include: Everything.

Open the door to my madness, and then climb in through the window. Be sure to knock on the door first, because I’ll be in the fridge.

Probably it was for robbing people.

As the saying goes: God made man and woman; Colonel Colt made them equal.

Dorothy Parker said “Ducking for apples – change one letter and it’s the story of my life.

The Lush hadn’t driven in almost a decade – ever since she got in an accident that shook her so badly she refused to get behind the wheel. As you can imagine, someone nicknamed The...

Holding hands with your lover is special, especially when that hand is plastic, and that lover is a mannequin.

Wow. I didn’t think it was possible for him to look any more intoxicating than he already did. But a leather clad Ren standing next to the gorgeous racing motorcycle holding his helmet made my...

A brick could be modified to be a cell phone, for construction workers who miss the easy to find cell phone size of the 1980s.

What I knew for sure was that he had a quick temper, a cocky attitude, and a southern accent… Apparently he also has a pet cougar.

Lolzez

Anybody I can hold a candle to, I drip hot wax on.

Abby wouldn’t want you to suffer because of some jerk that kidnapped her. She would want you to go on your trip so that she would have fun torturing you for not being a puddle...

She had no legs, so I made her wear suspenders and I carried her like a backpack. True love knows no luggage.

How poor are they that have no patients! What wound did ever heal but by degrees?'””Shakespeare isn’t going to save you this time, Superman. Your time’s run out.”He scowled. “Perhaps I should have been studying...

I watched a truck go up in flames. It was hauling cigarettes. It was the first tragedy I’ve ever smoked.

High Maintenance; I don’t like to live in place that snows a lot, albeit I’d love to visit one. I won’t marry a super model, albeit date one.

She hadn’t just drunk the Salvation Kool-Aid – she’d started to brew her own.

May your assets be twice as loyal to you as you are to them.

Because . . . most of us think that the point is something to do with work, or kids, or family, or whatever. But you don’t have any of that. There’s nothing between you and...

Horror. I can’t manage it. I become–well–horrified. Self-help books have a similar effect. When asked, “Any literary genre you simply can’t be bothered with?” – (By the Book: Writers on Literature and the Literary Life...

Listen, Harr,y can I have a go on it? Can I?””I don’t think anyone should ride that broom just yet!” said Hermoine shrilly.Harry and Ron looked at her.”What d’you think Harry’s going to do with...

I need to hire a babysitter for Friday night. I also need to buy myself some adult diapers.

Life makes fools of all of us sooner or later. But keep your sense of humor and you’ll at least be able to take your humiliations with some measure of grace. In the end, you...

Don’t believe everything you read on the Internet.

The doctors found out that Bunbury could not live, that is what I mean – so Bunbury died.He seems to have had great confidence in the opinion of his physicians. I am glad, however, that...

God, come down, if you’re really there -Well, you’re the one who claims to care!

I felt the human disease that is ignorance suddenly leave my body. Just like that. Like a hot, desperate piss after a long car ride.

I’m not trouble at all. I’m just a guy trying to get a girl to give him the time of day. I’m like every song on the radio.

I need either a small coffee or a large nap.