Sleep: to see and do, and do nothing.

When I saw a murder taking place, I almost didn’t have time to make coffee before stopping it. But thank God I did, because otherwise somebody would have died—and even worse, I’d be tired.

Unless you’re in an early seventies-era Eagles cover band, a founding member of a religious cult, or sleeping under a bridge in Seattle, lose the beard and get a haircut. Power doesn’t have time for...

He’s named you heir apparent to the Apocalypse. Congratulations.

Look how old you are and you’ve hardly made a dent in them. I’ll admit, you seem to have zeal nailed, as well as faith and temperance. Self control? I’ve got my doubts based on...

Going mad is the beginning of a process. It is not supposed to be the end result.

Beneath the people we think we are, there are funnier, happier, livelier people that we keep ignoring.

Nothing shows you the straight line from here to death like a list.

I wrote something for my local newspaper, but nobody read it because it got buried in the obituary section.

Will I have to use a dictionary to read your book?” asked Mrs. Dodypol. “It depends,” says I, “how much you used the dictionary before you read it.

Life is worth living as long as there’s a laugh in it.

You can’t compare the taste of organic and non organic fruits and vegetables. Organic tastes like a ten-minute trumpet solo in your mouth, and non organic tastes like a thirty second tape recording that’s been...

Kitten, this is my best mate, Charles, but you can call him Spade. Charles, this is Cat, the woman I’ve been telling you about. You can see for yourself that everything I’ve said is…an understatement.

Skupljanje hrane nesumnjivo je bilo na prvom mjestu ženskih dužnosti budući da je taj zadatak održavao pleme na životu. Ni u jednom se trenutku pretpovijesne žene s djecom ili bez nje nisu oslanjale na svoje...

I just bought a bag of potato-chip-flavored air. I also bought a bed, but sleep wasn’t included. Thank God a cup of coffee is full of wakefulness.

Your dead cat would look great on my t-shirt—along with tire tracks on my chest. What better time is there to love than now?

I don’t wanna be the joker who makes eyes full of tears in the end

She looks like a very young old person, or a very old young person; but then, she’s looked that way ever since she was two.

Everything I know about love came out of a vending machine. I’m still waiting on change.

In the name of the Pizza Lord. Charge!

Never give up hope! If you do, you be dead already.

I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge?

God, the devil, and Orafoura were walking along a river one day when they came across three naked women splashing in the water. God turned to the other two and said, “Ten talents to the...

I don’t let birdies and pars get in the way of having a good time

What a moron I was to think you were sweet and innocent, when it turns out you were actually college-educated the whole time!

They just don’t make them like they used to.” Well, except for kids. People still make children the way they always have, though I am working on a product that’ll make the process 100% more...

Did you really save the world ?…- Mostly I was saving my own ass. Just happend that the world was in the same spot.

It was in this pub he’d learnt that, contrary to the belief of the majority of those laying bets, it is possible to flatten a hundred frogs with a hammer in less than thirty seconds....

The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy offers this definition ofthe word “Infinite”.Infinite: Bigger than the biggest thing ever and then some.Much bigger than that in fact, really amazingly immense, atotally stunning size, “wow, that’s...

I planted a plastic plant, but nothing grew but political hope. I watered it with the tears of the voters.

You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they’re ok, then it’s you.

Robots make better lovers.

He has a natural immunity,” I gritted out.

Okay. I’m not a white male. At least, not predominantly so. And as I mentioned before, I’m in an environment right now where race is really important. See, Chinese men are not that physically intimidating....

Everything you swallow will kill you, some faster than others. Swallow your pride, and you’ll love a long time.

„Anticarul nu pierdu ocazia să-i relateze pe larg cum venise Georgeoiu înt ia oară la Capșa în căutarea poetului, știind că acesta trecea zilnic pe-acolo, trebuia să semneze un contract important. Era seara, pe la...

If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don’t get asked to do it again.

You put cow dung on my face?’ ‘Every day religiously until you were three. Why else do you think your skin is so clear?

Shaving a sheep is considered foreplay in some countries. But I don’t consider foreplay at all, not even before sex.

Azerowut, I must tend to an urgently urgent business and a business that is urgent most urgently. Watch over my tent with extreme care and care that is caring in the extreme, and do not,...

I have only two wishes,” said Jean. “The first is for strong coffee, and the second is for stronger coffee.

I love body language, because I can speak it without talking, without listening, and while my back is turned.

I notice when you’re gone. With you not being there I notice your unbeing, with you still being a being in time but not my space.

He’s in a side room alone with her and it’s far too fucking hot.

I go off-line for a few nanos and the whole world goes to DOS.

I don’t need a coffee cup. That’s what hands were invented for. That’s also why I don’t need sex.

They’re book addicts.

Do not put statements in the negative form.And don’t start sentences with a conjunction.If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that agreat deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.Never...

It’s always seemed a little preposterous that Hamlet, for all his paralyzing doubt about everything, never once doubts the reality of the ghost. Never questions his own madness might not in fact be unfeigned.