Life in the movie business is like the beginning of a new love affair: it’s full of surprises, and you’re constantly getting fucked.

Even though we all know something,There is a lot more to it.

[With comedy and wanting to make people laugh,] when you’re a child, all you want is ANY kind of laugh. You get them to laugh, and great! – you’ve succeeded. And then it’s “How FAST...

If you got caught with your pants down. I suppose the first question to ask is, what were you doing in a fishing net

I still want to do a romantic comedy or a western or a gritty independent film… there’s so much that I still want to do.

You are mad!” she snapped, her chest heaving. “And you are a devil!””And you, my dear,” Royce imperturbably replied, “are a bitch.” With that, heturned to the horrified friar and unhesitatingly announced, “The lady and...

The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at one corner of it: ‘No room! No room!’ they cried out when they saw Alice coming. ‘There’s plenty of room!’ said...

While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone’s dining room window.

You don’t have to want to be in arelationship for a little bow-chicka-bow-wow.

I am writing your obituary. Well, not so much writing it as updating it,” HARV told me.If I lived, I was going to kill HARV.

Stop begging the question – get a job and earn the question like everyone else.

OK, maybe one iota, or two iotas at most, but definitely not three.

Wanna analyze my pocket litter?

If by ‘about’ you mean ‘in a circle around,’ then yes, we’re doing something about the problem.

Just because your opinion counts doesn’t mean it should multiply.

On the directory map in CIA Headquarters lobby, it says ‘You Aren’t Here.

If you feel badly enough about dialing a suicide prevention hotline by mistake, it wasn’t a mistake.

Guns don’t kill people. An AR-15 from the National Rifle Association told me so.

I also want to return to doing stand-up. I’ve become frightened of live audiences. This is a really telling sign that I need to go back on the comedy circuit again.

Ultimately, that question can only be answered by you.

Over the road there was a church: a modern gray building, which constantly played a recording of church bells. Strange it was. Why no proper bells? I never went in but I bet it was...

Every nook and cranny,” Marietta interrupted dryly and Gabrielle tipped her head back with a throaty laugh.

I should think a dead language would be rather boring, sociallyspeaking.

BARBARIC!

Comedy comes from confusion.

She threw up her hands. “All right. Why not?” Why not?” Sure.” His arms fell to his sides. “That’s it? I pour my heart out. I love you so much I’ve got freakin’ tears in...

Either to die the death or to abjureFor ever the society of men.Therefore, fair Hermia, question your desires;Know of your youth, examine well your blood,Whether, if you yield not to your father’s choice,You can endure...

There’s no savior here. Especially not at 1:15 a.m.

I am a stage actor. I do mostly improv comedy. The only national television stuff is ‘Archer’ and’ Frisky Dingo.’

Today I feel like I did tomorrow.

[Eclecticism is the byword for this year’s festival.] The Merchant City has some great venues for comedy, … We want to show a bit of everything that happens in Glasgow’s comedy community.

I always stayed away from political commentary. First of all, I didn’t feel entitled. What I may feel about a candidate, I’m a comedian. I mean, if people like my comedy, that doesn’t mean they...

Writing is a solitary existence, especially if you forget to chat to your friends – sorry, I meant characters.

You’ve never really loved your wife, have you, Ridley?

Dolphins and sharks are natural enemies. Dolphins are like, “Quit eating us,” and sharks are like, “Stop smiling all the time, you morons.

The stalker, meanwhile, stepped into the road. Didn’t even check for traffic. There wasn’t any, but something told me this was lucky for traffic rather than the stalker.

It is better to doubt that a concept is stupidly flying under your head than profoundly flying over your head.

Few people actually read. Instead, everyone likes pretending they read. If we spent as much time reading as we say we do, we’d be grossly overweight and depressed.

A life without trouble and tragedy is boring and not a plot for comedy.

There is no essential difference between the material of comedy and tragedy. All depends on the point of view of the dramatist, which, by clever emphasis, he tries to make the point of view of...

Comedy lives on in the web and TV, but nobody’s pressing comedy albums anymore.

Every child needs a father. Even if he turns out to be Darth Vader.

He squinted at me. “What are you wearing? Is that some new form of birth control?

I’ve actually done a lot of comedy.

Recent studies have shown that approximately 40% of authors are manic depressive. The rest of us just drink.

I would say I try to make my comedy really personal. I try to tell stories that happened to me, experiences from my life.

And finally, I get to meet the Breakup Coach” Ryan says before we can be introduced. “I’m a big fan of your work” he says with mock admiration as I turn around. I decide I...

Oh, God,” Lori said without looking at me, “what are they thinking, leaving the two of us alone out here on the dock together? We might TALK or something.””That would be awful,” I said. “I...

I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become very commercialized.

Wrinkles was her big gray cat. Sierra named him Wrinkles because when he was a little baby he had a wrinkly face. He slept in Sierra’s room, but not always on the bed. Mommy said...