A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.

I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can’t makeit through one door, I’ll go through another door — or I’llmake a door. Something terrific will come no matter how darkthe present.

I hate McDonald’s. I don’t want to order my dinner by yelling into a clown’s mouth. If I want my face in a clown’s mouth, I’ll tongue kiss Glenn Beck.

She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.

It’s been so long since I made love I can’t even remember who gets tied up.