I love coffee, and coffee loves me. You know what else loves me? Hookers in hot paper cups.

Coffee is made from beans. Burritos also have beans in them, although I’ll admit a burrito isn’t as drinkable as a cup of coffee.

I always order a small coffee in a medium cup—to leave room for cream, without subtracting from the full amount of coffee I paid for. I’m like that with love too, except I don’t need...

My TV’s remote control didn’t have a source of energy, so I poured coffee in it. Now I can read any book I want.

Coffee excites my mind in ways not describable my words. The closest approximation is a sperm whale in orgasm, only silent and bubblier.

The fresh smell of coffee soon wafted through the apartment, the smell that separates night from day.

Wait!”What?” I lowered my cup hastily, wondering if maybe there was a stray hair, or worse, a newly boiled bug inside my cup.You got to smell it first. It’s the proper way to cup coffee.”Cup...

Bring me A bowl of coffee before I turn into a goat

Somehow, the Good Lord don’t want to see no man start a cold morning with just black coffee.

Coffee and character designs: That’s what my night’s lookin’ like.

We drank our coffee the Russian way. That is to say we had vodka before it and vodka afterwards.

What do you want?””Just coffee. Black – like my soul.

December coffee futures have rallied about 10% in the past three days to $1.05 a pound from a low of 95 cents on Monday in response to the hurricane damage,

Pretending to drink coffee was similar to faking an orgasm.

Go sip on gossip, and leave the coffee talk for me to chug. I’ll be in the kitchen, giggling like a schoolgirl if you need me.

I asked for the time, and she sold me a way to divide my attention into 12 equal parts. I asked her out to coffee, but she hinted there wasn’t a watch big enough to...

Business idea: People like to eat and drive, so why not make edible cars? Instead of gasoline, they’d run on coffee.

You can’t put water back in a cloud after a rain like you can with a sponge. Coffee flows out of my penis, and though it’s less caffeinated, it’s just as drinkable.

When rain comes down, the chance of rainbows goes up. Likewise, when my coffee goes down, I wake up. Hopefully I wake up in your bed.

Oompow,” which I would translate for you but it’s devastatingly embarrassing.

Working in a hotel is the anti-coffee shop, because instead of it being a place that’ll wake you up, it’s a place to sleep. And it’s a place to have sex, which is something Starbucks...

That’s something that annoys the hell out of me- I mean if somebody says the coffee’s all ready and it isn’t

The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportioned to the quantity of coffee he drinks.

We’re growing up and I don’t like it,” said Tacy, as they say at Heinz’s later, drinking coffee.

I’ll quit coffee. It won’t be easy drinking my Bailey’s straight, but I’ll get used to it. It’ll still be the best part of waking up.

[Joffe], during a visit to Russia, complained to his KGB handler about the awful coffee. The KGB dude replied that it was really the Kremlin’s answer to America’s neutron bomb — both killed people but...

Oh and P.S.? I am in dire need of more coffee. Industrial strength.””But we’re going to sleep soon,” I say.”I know.” Laila shudders. “Addiction is a bitch.

No! I’m not ready, this is still my first cup of coffee!

Just coffee. Black—like my soul.

Considering the number of ghastly love poems that had been written and which seemed fairly clearly a waste of everyone’s time, Jonathan couldn’t help but be surprised that coffee hadn’t been thus immortalized.

I just bought a bag of potato-chip-flavored air. I also bought a bed, but sleep wasn’t included. Thank God a cup of coffee is full of wakefulness.

I’ll tug at your breasts like a thirsty child. Try not to burn your nipples in my hot coffee. While you’re at it, I also like sugar in my coffee.

I just bought a can of brown paint. It’s more expensive than coffee, but I really hit the wall after I chug it.

When I go house hunting, I use a rather large gun. You should see me fish for the best tasting Starbucks coffee. Oh, and can I borrow your plunger?

There’s nothing I like more than rewards. Well, other than awards. I also love coffee a lot too. Being rewarded with a coffee award would be the ultimate euphoria for me.

When there are 16 ounces of coffee to be shared by two strangers, and only one 8-ounce cup between them, then one man must give up his coffee, and the other must formulate an alibi.

I USED TOmake love.Now IMake coffee.

I want instant coffee at the snap of my fingers that gives me more energy than that generated by a million snaps.

We walked along the beach like two coffee lovers. But we weren’t. He was a fish, and I was astonished—not that a fish was walking, but that he didn’t love coffee.

Coffee is a lot like people. In many ways, it’s deceiving. The sweetness that you smell as it brews is more often than not a fallacy. The scent of a dark roasted coffee bean promises...

You’ll walk in and you’ll see an atrium, a two-story atrium, … You’ll have piano bars, coffee bars, lounges.

Good coffee is a benefit, but great coffee is a reward, and the difference between good and great is just pennies a day.

Put the coffee on, bubbles, I’m coming home

We do still have coffee, though. That’s one positive.

The Arabs understandably did everything they could to protect their monopoly. Coffee beans were treated before being shipped to ensure they were sterile and could not be used to seed new coffee plants; foreigners were...

Ten minutes and you’re done and you can go and get a coffee.

There is a psychological high that people experience when they drink coffee.

Blood is like water, to a vampire. And coffee is like blood, to a tired mosquito. And my love is like an itch—and a scratch.

I’d row a gondola like a column is not a row. My coffee may be cold, but my love is warm. When are you going to wake up and drink it?

Those guys open up and have a cup of coffee there now, and it’s just brilliant.