A unicorn breathes rainbows like a dragon breathes fire. My coffee breathes Jarod Kintz quotes.

I never scoff at coffins, because they’re like coffee cups you can bathe in. Well, coffins are like Starbucks’ coffee cups, only they have more life inside.

I use my windshield wipers when it’s not raining. I’m an umbrellaless pedestrian, and I can’t tell the difference between Starbucks’ coffee and a mud puddle in a cup.

Trying to remember a dream from a decade ago is like trying to catch fog in a coffee filter. I could subsist on morning mist.

Morning coffee is my preferred method of starting my evening. I make love all the time half the time. That half is night. Wake me up when it’s ready.

For more than three decades, coffee has captured my imagination because it is a beverage about individuals as well as community. A Rwandan farmer. Eighty roast masters at six Starbucks plants on two continents. Thousands...

You need some coffee, don’t you?””Yes, I’ve only had a gallon.

You did not have to finish it,” I said, because I could perceive that he was rebuilding the Great Wall of China with shit bricks.

Tis pity wine should be so deleterious, for tea and coffee leave us much more serious

At this time to refuse or neglect to give coffee to their wives was a legitimate cause for divorce among the Turks.” William H. Ukers (1873-1945).

American coffee can be a pale solution served at a temperature of 100degrees centigrade in plastic thermos cups, usually obligatory in railroadstations for purposes of genocide, whereas coffee made with an Americanpercolator, such as you...

Pause while reading a book only in case of two things:1. To kiss2. To sip coffeeToo bad both are a luxury.

The challenge lies in knowing how to bring this sort of day to a close. His mind has been wound to a pitch of concentration by the interactions of the office. Now there are only...

If you’re nutritional status is compromised — you’re not eating healthy because your appetite is suppressed because you’re consuming a lot of coffee — then that’s something you’ll want to take a look at.

Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it’s hard to go back to sleep.

Hydrogenated and androgynous milky white love is all I have to offer you. Would you like me to pour it in your coffee, or directly into your soul?

I’ll start a threesome factory that also makes sex trees. How else am I supposed to grow coffee?

If coffee meant vagina, I’d ask you if you wanted cream in your coffee. But it doesn’t mean that, so I’ll just sit here and continue sipping my mug full of steaming vagina.

Sandwiches come in shrink-wrap—therefore, I must masturbate with gloves on. Lunchtime! The coffee’s stale but the cream will be fresh.

I drink coffee like an alcoholic drinks gasoline. You wouldn’t believe how many gallons my little car can hold.

I went on vacation and it rained like coffee drip brewing. It must have rained several inches, and all in a concentrated area about the size of a coffee pot.

I’ll take my alkaloid diuretics wherever I can get them. If there isn’t a 7-11 in the vicinity, a Winchell’s donut shop is Plan B. The joe at both places is almost indistinguishable, like the...

When my coffee is gone, so is my motivation.

Blue skies, 77 degrees, and palm trees—I’m living the dream. Still, I could go for a nap, or a cup of coffee as large as my bathtub.

I don’t have any writing routine. Sometimes I go to my local coffee shop and I write there for some hours. Apart from that, I am traveling most of the time. I write in airports,...

His smile was like a Dylan album and a cup of coffee on a sunny afternoon

Coffee first. Schemes later.

There has never been a ‘war on drugs’! In our history we can only see an ongoing conflict amongst various drug users – and producers. In ancient Mexico the use of alcohol was punishable by...

I opened my eyes to see the rat taking a piss in my coffee mug. It was a huge brown bastard; had a body like a turd with legs and beady black eyes full of...

Who shall I shoot? You choose. Now, listen very carefully: where’s your coffee? You’ve got coffee, haven’t you? C’mon, everyone’s got coffee! Spill the beans!

The rich scent of my favorite caffeinated beverage sends trickles of pleasure across my skin as I step inside. Is there anything better than coffee? Chocolate maybe and sex ranks very close I suppose.

The only time I drink milk is when I drink coffee. I make love the same way—contributing 2% as I just sort of lay there.

The next thing I remembered was Reyes smiling down at me as the sun filtered into his apartment, his hair mussed, his lids hooded with the thick remnants of sleep. I stretched as those three...

When I dance, I’m so fluid you could drink my moves. And if you sip it with your morning coffee, you’ll be light on your feet all day.

Coffee, it’s not my cup of tea. Being in love isn’t really my cup of tea either, but when it’s steamy I’ll sip it dutifully.

I’ll put some ice in your coffee, to cover up the fact that it was already cold and old. I do this because my love for you is slightly warmer and newer.

I don’t like hot coffee that’s cold, or iced coffee that’s hot. Or leftover love in a rusty thermos.

I have a coffee table, but I don’t like it. I think it could use some more cream and sugar. Plus, it’s entirely too liquid to be a functional piece of furniture.

I had a dream about you. You made the coffee and I made love to your sister. Everybody agrees: we need more cream.

I collect kitchens, one empty coffee cup at a time. I wish they made dishwashers that cleaned with dreams, not laundry detergent.

If your breath smells like coffee, I might try to drink our conversation. Wake me up with the words you’re speaking.

I’d pour the Milky Way in my morning coffee, just to wake up my inner universe. Your love is all the sugar I’d need.

Come on, don’t you ever stop and smell the coffee?

Bob poured and brought two cups over, hardly rattling them on the saucers. “Drink up. This should restore your inner bitch.” Bailey scowled at him. “See?” he said. “It’s working already, and all you’ve had...

Americans are making coffee a bigger part of their lives, expanding attitudes and behaviors that are driving new levels of consumption.

The simple act of sitting here sipping this cappuccino is its own testament to my commitment to living the writer’s life. Which is to say: doing nothing but doing it exceedingly well.

I don’t see the point in caffeine without coffee. Or coffee without caffeine, for that matter,” I informed him.

People like to cry over spilled milk, but I cry every time I spill my coffee.

Almost all the world is natural chemicals, so it really makes you re-think everything. A cup of coffee is filled with chemicals. They’ve identified a thousand chemicals in a cup of coffee. But we only...

I am clumsy, drop glasses and get drunk on Monday afternoons. I read Seneca and can recite Shakespeare by heart, but I mess up the laundry, don’t answer my phone and blame the world when...