I don’t mind making jokes, but I don’t want to look like one.

I wrote. I wrote all the things I couldn’t say to him. I wrote about how much I believed in us. I wrote about how much I trusted God. I wrote that I was praying...

…if you think the worst you’ll get the worst, but if you think the best…””and then everything will blow up in your face anyway. Don’t you get the punchline yet? Its the great cosmic practical...

Q: What do Jesus and Nicole Brown Simpson have in common? A: They were both killed by the Joooooooose.

He was mischievous, determined to make you laugh. They could be stale jokes, lousy jokes, but his delivery was always timely.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Many things have been compared to a brick, mainly as a tribute to their intellect or to their aerodynamic characteristics.

Don’t answer the door in a wedding dress and veil, he might not think you’re joking.

Speaking of grandmas, have you heard the joke about grandparents and WWII? No? Well, if you do, be sure to tell me because I’d like to hear it too.

A joke without a point, inane and bald, itself a joke on joking may be called

Yo Mama’s like a library, open to the public.

If you are reading this then you have wasted another day of your life day dreaming, rather than planning the life God intended you to live.

Childhood was the germ of all mistrust. You were cruelly joked upon and then you cruelly joked. You lost the remembrance of pain through inflicting it.

A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.

He had to ask her!”I realized that there were some cultural barriers Kian and I might never transcend.

You know you’ve reached the end of a relationship: when your lover now demands that your jokes be funny before they laugh.

They say that if you’re good at something, never do it for free. But who would pay me to make bad jokes?

I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.

I don’t know any jokes, which is embarrassing. I wish I did.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

Now you hear a lot of jokes about Silent Cal Coolidge, … but I think that the joke is on the people that make jokes because if you look at his record, he cut the...

frank sexual discussions and tell colorful jokes and stories (and even make expressive gestures) as part of the creative process.

I’m fascinated by idiots… Here’s looking at you, kid!

I don’t look to jokes as a balanced look at life. But they can be an indicator. Jokes work on shared and collective perceptions among people.

Yo Mama’s so fat, her ass has its own congressman!

The jokes are a little more left-of-center,

A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.

teenagers are never joking. when seeking to prove a point, principals and teachers should remember that teenagers are never, ever sarcasic or ironic. if they say “I wish someone would drop a bomb on this...

Don’t threaten me with a good time.

To all you sensitive sallys out there who spend your time scribing angry letters, I have great news: Scientific models show that in the not-too-distant future, all the races will become so completely interbred that...

In this storyI am the poetYou’re the poetry.

I’m a joke comic. I tell jokes. I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.

(S)ex scenes and bathroom jokes are my bread and butter.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order.

Now my husband jokes that if his dentist isn’t within walking distance, he isn’t going to the dentist.

The gods too are fond of a joke.

No, we are building a joke.”

You can learn from them, you can see what is bothering people. … The jokes are a screen on which people project their feelings about lawyers and the law.

Yo Mama’s so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.

If God lived on Earth people would stalk his Facebook page and leave nasty comments on his Pinterest site.” Then it sunk in- timing was everything and social media was the devil.

Big time, … I ‘ m always ready for TV. I don ‘ t have to edit my jokes when you work clean, you can work anywhere.

A joke is not a thing but a process, a trick you play on the listener’s mind. You start him off toward a plausible goal, and then by a sudden twist you land him nowhere...

También le he visto a usted. Ozzera. Crispin. ,Verdad?Christian-corrigió Lissa

To me this is not just about standing on stage telling jokes. There’s a lot riding on this.

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.

Don’t be ridiculous. Brussels sprouts are awful. Jail is just jail.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Was he hitting some type of werewolf midlife crisis? First, he’d left Wolf Town, and now he was envisioning a mate. What next? Bird watching? Board games? Retirement homes?

Tiger was cracking jokes and relating some locker room stories. He also imitated a few players.

I am a kind of joke, but the question is: which kind? My job is to keep everyone guessing.