Sometimes we know people who aretoo wonderful for words. I am not one of them.Or you, for that matter, as you well know.

Common sense is a tool that isn’t in everyone’s shed.

Oh, how I regret not having worn a bikini for the entire year I was twenty-six. If anyone young is reading this, go, right this minute, put on a bikini, and don’t take it off...

Retirement is lie sex. Men love to talk about it, but when the time finally comes, they’re good for about fifteen minutes then they’re dying to put their ties back on.

How did you know they were there?” Glory asked. “Oh wait, I forgot, NightWings are all-knowing, all-seeing and all-brilliant, right?” “Don’t forget al-wonderful and all-brilliant.

What’s the point of using words nobody knows or can say comfortably?

Dear Mom,How can you hear me mumble under my breath but you can’t hear me say “What?!” multiple times when you scream my name?

Save yourselves!” Percy warned. “It is too late for us!” Then he gasped and pointed to the spot where Frank was hiding. “oh no! Frank is turning into a crazy dolphin!” Nothing happened. “I said,”...

Hello there,” Inigo hollered when he could wait no more.The man in black glanced up and grunted.”I’ve been watching you.”The man in black nodded.”Slow going,” Inigo said.”Look, I don’t mean to be rude,” the man...

God, I’ve just figured out what’s missing – you ditched the hallowed Albermarle Teddy Bear!’ I nodded. ‘Banished to a dark cupboard for all eternity.’ ‘You cold-hearted bastard.’ ‘Give me a hot water bottle any...

She shrugged and flipped her glossy hair behind her shoulders. “What else do you have to do with your time besides think about stuff like this? It’s not like you’re real heavy into extracurriculars. Besides,...

Don’t beat yourself up,” said Charlotte. “True love can be so easily mistaken for other things-friendship, humane concern, indigestion…

There are times when every act, no matter how private or unconscious, becomes political. Whom you live with, how you wear your hair, whether you marry, whether you insist that your child take piano lessons,...

[how can anyone] be silly enough to think himself better than other people, because his clothes are made of finer woolen thread than theirs. After all, those fine clothes were once worn by a sheep,...

I am (thank God!) constitutionally superior to reason.

Smiling is not a choice, it’s a lifestyle. Pass it on.

Two powerful factors which creates difference between destroying your relationship and deepening it are EGO and Attitude

After we bring food home from the grocery store…Dogs must think we are the greatest hunters ever!

Holy paranormal activity, Nightingale – to the Jag mobile.

My best days are Monday through Friday, and Saturday and Sunday.” “Ian,” Wesley noted, “that covers the whole week.” Ian nods his head. “Pretty much.

If life takes you long way, take a shortcut!

-he stopped and eyed Bill Corso–“if you choose to just sit here like a bored jungle gorilla, you will have to write out this quote as many times as you can during the next hour.

She was thong-climbing-her-ass pissed.

Lovely, not only did the truck look like it was on its last leg, it was going to take the environment with it.

If you want to convince a criminal to see things your way, start by seeing things theirs.

Humor is my mechanism for dealing with the hard reality of the world.

It’s not a luxury if you can’t do without it!

I’m turning into an old man. I own four pairs of oxfords, my stories get a little long winded, and my neighbors play their music too loud.

Hermione: You! You foul loathsome evil little cockroach!

Perhaps we humans are still in command, and perhaps there really will be a conventional robot war in the not-so-distant future. If so, let’s roll. I’m ready. My toaster will never be the boss of...

Searching through Monster.com while on the clock feels like being on Tinder while still married.

Valkyrie walked to the back door, which hadn’t been closed properly, shut it and locked it. There was now a baby in the house, after all. She couldn’t take the chance that a wild animal...

OCD, ADHD—pretty sure if they come up with some new acronym tomorrow I’d have it.

We’re automatons in a symphony conducted by a lunatic and performed by blind idealists.” Damon

Aha. Keep telling yourself that.

Are you by any chance acquainted with the words ‘steel toe’? Or do the words ‘permanent dent’ mean anything to you?”My locker door is not intimidated. “My grandfather was a vault at Fort Knox, and...

A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.

Remember, you’re unique. And so is everyone else.

So what are you supposed to do with it?”He eyed her incredulously. “For real? It’s called a butt plug. What do you think you’re supposed to do with it?”She scratched her nose and nodded, trying...

I tried to explain as much as I could,” Poppet says. “I think I made an analogy about cake.””Well, that must have worked,” Widget says. “Who doesn’t like a good cake analogy?

He told us that it had been a fine day to-day, and we told him that it had been a fine day yesterday, and then we all told each other that we thought it would...

Hurry up, Man, and do something. Kiss her, muzzle her…shove a sock in her mouth—

My dear Reaper,” Vlad said, still laughing. ‘Did you just check out our-”No!’ I interrupted at once, almost lunging toward the staircase. ‘I’m tired and still dazed from the Remanats and … fuck it, I’m...

But the three siblings were not born yesterday. Violet was born more than fifteen years before this particular Wednesday, and Klaus was born approximately two years after that, and even Sunny who had just passed...

…he spent whole days and nights over his books; and thus with little sleeping and much reading his brains dried up to such a degree that he lost the use of his reason.

He never did get right all the way again. And every once in a while he’d come down all bitey.

Wisdom of the Ages: “Soylent Green” No matter how many times I see that movie, I still get a hankerin’ for a Big Mac.

‎What a blight that woman is. Do you happen to know why? I lean toward a malignant fairy at her christening.

I would so rock at running amuck.

There is no god but Road Runner and Chuck Jones is his prophet.