When it comes to being famous, you’re usually the last to know, and the first to deny it. Unless you were already famous in your head. In which case, party on, Wayne! Party on, Garth!

We nearly had our asses handed to us in a sling by a bunny rabbit?

He has become a worm. That is what I am telling you.””I don’t suppose it would be possible,” said Henry into the silence, “to, er, step on him?

Maybe it’s just because it’s so damn cold there, … You find humor in everything, ’cause the climate’s so harsh, you have to laugh at it.

The door opened, held by the butler, and Lord Montagu swept into the room, his presence overwhelming the space. She could swear even the flowers in their vases perked up and listed in his direction....

Steampunk is nothing more than what happens when Goths discover brown.

A keen sense of humor helps us to overlook the unbecoming, understand the unconventional, tolerated the unpleasant, overcome the unexpected, and outlast the unbearable

Why do they call them daytime dramas, anyway? Shouldn’t they be bedtime dramas? All anyone ever talks about is getting someone into bed! Plus if you’re at home watching, you’re probably watching in bed. And...

Q: Best part about being a musical theatre book writer?A: Explaining what that is.

The fireworks continued to burn and spread all over the school that afternoon. Though they caused plenty of disruption, the other teachers did not seem to mind them very much.”Dear, dear,” said Professor McGonagall sardonically,...

Y’ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it’s because all the coats are on the bed.

Where ever you find humor, you find pathos close by it side.

I’m dating myself, but this was before Jesus Christ. We worshiped a God named Sashatiba, who had five eyes, including one on the Adam’s apple.

Romantic love has its place but to define relationship solely in romantic terms is like describing marriage only by what a couple does on their honeymoon.

Sherlock: They came out of EROC with $33 million dollars in small bills. They loaded their haul into an ambulance, American-made, in the late ’90s. They haven’t been gone more than an hour.Joan: The driver...

Pardon me Mam,I’m new in town, could you please show me the way to your house?

Free will always results in collateral damage.

Obstinate, headstrong girl!

Tomorrow I’ll be 24 hours longer than I am today. My love for you grows every minute, and pretty soon it will be 120 seconds tall.

I am certain an animal would sooner die of laughter than gunshot wound if I even made the attempt.

Don’t stop writing until someone pries the pen from your cold, dead hands.

What do you call a rifle with three barrels?A trifle.

How passionate have you embrace life?

Aside from that, all I heard was enough repetitions of ‘how many chucks could a woodchuck chuck’ to make me want to stake myself.

Yes, he’s an equal opportunity asshole,” Szilard said. “And he’s aware of it, which he thinks means it’s okay.

Was denkt Er sich, Lausekerl? Will Er mit Seinem Altweibergebiss Soldat werden? Scher Er sich weg da, Er Zahnkrüppel, sonst vergess ich mich!

Wisdom of the Ages: “Forgiveness” Steroids for the Soul.

You should see the murderous stares I get on the street. Though I think that has less to do with seeing a man carrying a purse and more to do with paisley. Paisley makes everyone...

If I had not lived so long I wouldn’t be so old!

How many kids are in the Graveyard?””A bunch.””Who sends your supplies?””George Washington. Or is it Abraham Lincoln? I forget.””How often do you receive new arrivals?””About as often as you beat your wife.

Let me introduce you. Sophie, this is Miss Eliot, from the National Childcare Agency. Miss Eliot, this is Sophie, from the ocean.

Can you imagine life without the horror genre? There would be no monsters. Only a**holes.

Yo Mama’s like a library, open to the public.

It’s a ballad, Alf, and to be honest, it’s one of the slowest songs I can think of. You’d have been better off doing a slow waltz to something with that tempo. The other factor...

By the time that adorable steak and I had become one flesh I could have taken on the whole Valmy clan singlehanded.

If you constantly make it clear that you are unwilling to budge, don’t get upset when no one is around who’s willing to give you a push.

People who think animals have expressionless faces are like people who can ignore an open package of Oreos. Not quite human.

I have always pictured accupuncture like falling into a box of sewing needles, and then standing up refreshed and free of pain.

Oh, is that what we’re supposed to be doing? Because I’ve just been drawing hearts and our initials in the dirt.” Sophie + Archer

Men always want to be a woman’s first love. That is their clumsy vanity. We women have a more subtle instinct about these things. What (women) like is to be a man’s last romance.

I’ve admired a lot of people in my life time and some of them were actually alive.

Don’t ignore me. I only get more annoying.

He could dish it out like nobody, but he could take it too. He had that sarcastic sense of humor. When you first become his teammate, you see some things and wonder, ‘Is he serious...

I engage in subtle stalking. That’s entirely different and perfectly socially acceptable.

Cayl replies…I understand the human reproductive system, Agent Denning; I’m here to capture a killer, not indulge in these intrusive human senses.

Well, so you don’t get too cocky, I myself often complete the TV Guide crossword puzzle.” He puffed out his chest. “In pen.

All magic cookies with a price!

As a little girl, I’d have given up my Barbie Dreamhouse to have a miniature purple dragon – as an adult, I didn’t find it nearly as exciting.

The elevator doors opened to reveal a very large man brandishing a bloodstained antique phone receiver in a plastic bag and proclaiming, “I found this up him!””You know,” said Tallow, “I really have no response...

You want to grab something here, Brycin?” he asked, bending over again. Um . . . yeah. Your ass.