If you let something scare you to death, then the worst has happened.

The opportunity was too perfect to miss. Harry crept silently around behind Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle, bent down, and scooped a large handful of mud out of the path.’We were just talking about your friend...

Real life is sometimes boring, rarely conclusive and boy, does the dialogue need work.

For a moment, or a second, the pinched expressions of the cynical, world-weary, throat-cutting, miserable bastards we’ve all had to become disappears, when we’re confronted with something as simple as a plate of food.

And indeed there will be timeTo wonder, ‘Do I shed?’ and, ‘Do I shed?’Time to turn back and stretch out on the bed,And give myself a bath before I’m fed –(They will say: ‘It’s the...

Shigure: We have just witnessed a classic example of what I like to call ‘misdirected rage’. I believe the technical term is being an ass.

Smartass Disciple: Master, I believe that the truth will prevail at the end.Master of Stupidity: No ‘the end’ for the truth. ‘Prevail’ is something else.

I had a dream about you. I was a mannequin with a record player for a head, and you were an aspiring DJ. You lusted after me and I was appreciative, because you were the...

Parvati positively beamed. Harry could tell that she was feeling guilty for having laughed at Hermione in Transfiguration. He looked around and saw that Hermione was beaming back, if possible even more brightly. Girls were...

Wearing that? Wouldn’t you fancy a shapeless cardigan instead? You rock a shapeless cardigan, honey.

Spontaneous human combustion is for superstitious atheists. I believe in deliberate human combustion.

He offered to pay me in agriculture, and I said I didn’t want that, I want money. I told him agriculture won’t put food on my table.

She glared at me. I didn’t care. One word was playing a loop in my heaad: mine.

In certain circumstances, basically shit ones, it’s fight or flight. With Tommy it’s always fright and flight.

A brick could be used to stop a bleeding wound. Though just between you and me, I’d prefer to be bandaged by a Band-Aid, a blanket, or a pair of lace panties (preferably red).

I go on the presumption that everyone’s full of shit until proven otherwise, and this usually serves me in good stead.

Hespe’s mouth went firm. She didn’t scowl exactly, but it looked like she was getting all the pieces of a scowl together in one place, just in case she needed them in a hurry.

What are you doing?” he gasped. He looked slightly ridiculous. It was not as if he was a defenseless damsel in distress. He could have stopped me, if he wanted to. But he didn’t want...

I make love like a sandwich ate at my best friend. It’s only happened to me once, and I very nearly didn’t have to pay for it.

Just holding out for a better offer.

I have an erection. I just got it. It was an early Christmas present. Do you think she’ll be mad that I unwrapped it early?

A blanket could be used to stop terrorism. Unless that terrorist has a small knife, or really sharp teeth, and is able to chew through the cloth separating him from our American freedom.

Robert Todd Lincoln, a.k.a. Jinxy McDeath.

Bragging about your compassion is the first step towards feeling a genuine emotion.

She’ll come to love me or she won’t. I’m a fisherman, not a hunter.

Your king is SUPPOSED to explode? What kind of government system is that?

Madonna’s- Justify My Love, follows us into the lounge, where several men, seated at the tables, eye us like hungry lions as we walk through. Tiger asked, “So, this is a WHOREhouse?””Actually, a gay BATHhouse....

A blanket could be used to battle the cold, but not battle an army with swords, bayonets, and other sharp objects (unless the opposing army is armed only with sharp words).

Until they learn a new position.

Rule #3 – It’s okay to believe yourself better than the rest of the planet, so long as you keep it to yourself.

Where’s the fun in playing with knives if you can’t draw a little blood?

I feel guilty when I feed them unhealthy food they like. I feel guilty when I feed them healthy food they don’t like. I feel guilty when I drop them off at school. I feel...

My two legs are like one pretzel when I sit on the floor. If only love were so intertwined.

As far as informing the headmaster, Harry had no idea where Dumbledore went during the summer holidays. He amused himself for a moment, picturing Dumbledore, with his long silver beard, full-length wizard’s robes, and pointed...

My favorite quote in the world is this one.

I knew that kind of thinking was paranoid, but after the wacky crap that had happened to me over the last couple of months, these days I’d be suspicious of a jolly white-bearded man in...

Great. There goes our security deposit.”~ Sean

Stephanie took another puff from her candy cigarette, reached into her purse, brought out the rest of the pack, and said, “Want one of these damned cigarettes?

I got some body work done. Both to my car, and to my clone. Now my car looks like a complete stranger, and I look like a Mercedes.

A brick could replace the cardboard bill on a baseball cap. On a windy day, no gust will knock your hat off.

Poetry is not an art, it’s a symptom.

If one has no sense of humor, one is in trouble.

When I find the wind to say I love you, it will be breezy, like a hurricane.

Okay, I deserved that,” I admitted.

A brick should decide who gets to rule the people, and I should decide what rules determine whom the brick favors.

A brick could be your new best friend. If this appeals to you, it’s probably because people tend to seek the company of others who posses similar intellects and interests. And as I have just...

Should I be writing this down?

And the news got worse. It appeared that there was this whole other person Jesus Christ whose birthday a lot of people tended to confuse with mine. I was personally outraged. It was a long...

I wanted to tell her I loved her, but I chickened out, like a beef taco. The crunchy kind, not the soft shell.

And gag you,” Joseph cheerfully reminded them.