But even Es and cocaine, over the years they blow holes in your brain, rob you of your memories, your past. Which is fair enough, convenient even.

We made love like an earthquake, which was nice because neither one of us had to do any work.

One of the greatest myths in the world – & the phrase ‘greatest myths’ is just a fancy way of saying ‘big fat lies’ — is that troublesome things get less & less troublesome if...

If two trees played each other, I don’t know who I’d root for. Probably the tree that’d make the better lover.

To keep my cat from drinking out of the toilet, I could close the toilet lid, I could close the bathroom door, or I could pull my straw out of the water and stop setting...

It was sad music. But it waved its sadness like a battle flag. It said the universe had done all it could, but you were still alive.

Ça va. Nap time is over.

Percy wouldn’t notice a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing one of Dobby’s hats.

There’s nothing more toxic or deadly than a human child. A single touch could kill you.

There are a lot of things I can’t control. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the next few days.I don’t want what I am going to face, what kind of choices I am...

I’m older than myself. At least I will be, once my clone gets here.

By brother is so young that to this day he still doesn’t exist.

Damn it! It was a stupid plan!” Uri swung an arm around behind himself and his bag being the nearest object in reach, swung it across the room with as much force as he could...

A lot of people have it in for me. It’s practically a school sport.

I hope you’re pleased with yourselves. We could all have been killed – or worse, expelled. Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to bed.

I know this sounds very Neanderthal but I want a man that would just take me, ravage me, and do what he pleases with me. I frankly don’t care what he does or how he...

The show doesn’t go on because it’s ready; it goes on because it’s 11:30.

Why have you left me, Yesterday? Was it because I slept with Today? I have a routine. Every day I do something different.

I’m in great shape. I’m 30 years old, and I feel like I’m 29.

Sometimes people are often confused between attitude and style. Nevermind, I’m Awesome.

In matters of grave importance, style, not sincerity, is the vital thing.

In the present case it is a little inaccurate to say I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible to any public...

I had a dream about you. I was a professor, and you were my student. I taught sex education for college freshmen, and I didn’t think it unethical to trade good grades for sexual favors....

He said he loves her more because she makes him smile. Fine! I’ll give him the Glasgow smile. Beat that, bitch!

She likes her wine white, and that’s how I like my clam chowder. So chuggable!

On the scale of tomato to ketchup, my girlfriend is definitely a 57.

People need to make sure they have a good humor spark plug inside them that can be ignited at any moment when required.

Make everything an adventure. Otherwise, it will suck.

I don’t think you should be an Auror, Harry,” said Luna unexpectedly. Everybody looked at her. “The Aurors are part of the Rotfang Conspiracy, I thought everyone knew that. They’re working to bring down the...

Kissimmee has the best name, other than Hugsburg and Fornicatesville.

Sex with an exIs it ever really painless or just inviting stress?I mean, reallyWho does that?Oh wait, I’m sure if they could, most everyone would…

A job is like a politician struggling in the water. Be sure you hold it down.

There’s someone for everyone. And when my clones get here, everyone will be able to have that someone. Prices start at $99.

There is no point in poverty if it does not make a rich man, observing it, feel better.

Remember every vote count’s and every two are worth a nickel

Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher, retired at the end of last year in order to enjoy more time with his remaining limbs.

Rachel got up and did this happy little shuffle, like she was some cheerful farmer chick who’d just stepped outside to find the hick she was in love with coming up the road with a...

MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE AN ENGLISH MAJOR. AT LEAST, YOU GET TO READ STUFF THAT’S WRITTEN BY PEOPLE WHO CAN WRITE! YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING TO BE AN ENGLISH MAJOR, YOU DON’T NEED...

My thermos does such a good job of keeping my tea hot that it feels like I’m drinking iced tea.

I want to make love like the most romantic thing ever, but I just don’t know how to go about learning how to fornicate like a flower.

Furnishing was not a priority in the Citadel. Shelves, stools, tables… There was a rumor among the novices that priests towards the top of the hierarchy had golden furniture, but there was no sign of...

A vine from one tree shot out, tripping Blaise. He and Merewyn rolled to the ground. Varian stood between them and the trees, which shot blast after blast at him. He deflected them, but even...

Don’t be stupid, it’s a flying house!

I would rather write a book without a title if my true friend chooses to live in a million dollar home in London and acts foreign.

If the love is not madness, then the sex is not insane

People say I can handle pressure, but there is one sporting competition where if I were in the finals, I’d surely choke, and that’s the hotdog eating competition.

One great thinker said one thing, another said another, and while the two thoughts are contradicting, the one that backs my argument at the moment is the superior statement.

There’s a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork, greatest of Discworld cities.At least, there’s a saying that there’s a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork.And it’s wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork,...

When media distorts the truth, it’s only responding in kind.

While this might seem a bit abstract, these numbers are not arbitrary. They are symbols, which represent pieces of paper, which represent pieces of gold. Gold doesn’t represent anything; its value is inherent in its...