Men are most virile and attractive between the ages of 35 and 55. Under 35 a man has too much to learn, and I don’t have time to teach him.

Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.

It called to him, a sweet heady beacon of femininity, fertility, and fuckability. His three favorite f-words.

SAINT, n. A dead sinner revised and edited.

Abraham,” he said. “I’m pleased to see you alive, old friend.””And I to see you dead.

I had a dream about you. You wrapped the American flag around you like a towel, while I let Russia shower me with praise. The people over there really seemed to love me, probably because...

The world’s full of wonder, he said. Or at least horror that looks wondrous from afar.

Love is like building a wall with two bricks and a ton of wind. Obviously you and your lover are bricks.

You are dead. It just hasn’t occurred to you yet.

Mr. Morrow, IOI owns this network…” “Of course they do!” Morrow shouted gleefully. ‘The own practically everything! Including you, pretty boy! I mean did they tattoo a UPC code on your ass when they hired...

I don’t know anything!’ Tim(Caleb) wailed.He’d never spoken a truer word in his life.

It’s almost never the kind of person you are but the kind of job you do decides how much you get paid.

There will be pain.” (Qyburn)”I’ll scream.” (Jaime Lannister)”A great deal of pain.” (Qyburn)”I’ll scream very loudly.” Jaime Lannister)

You have a minute and a half left.””Fine,” she snapped. “Then I’ll reduce this conversation to one single fact. Today I had six callers. Six! Can you recall the last time I had six callers?”Anthony...

I have a fist like a brick, but I don’t punch through walls—I build them and become them.

I love how sincere she is. She makes a mannequin look like Mother Theresa, though she looks better naked. And I hope she thinks I look better naked than a dead woman.

When people keep telling you that you can’t do a thing, you kind of like to try it.

The patter of tentative footfalls reached my ears. I flipped on my side to face the door and saw Ansel wander by. I rolled onto my back, rubbing sleep from my eyes. I’d crashed on...

I don’t mind if you don’t like my manners. They’re pretty bad. I grieve over them during the long winter evenings.

I enjoy reading books by way of subtitles from the movies they got made into.

…I want to grab her collarbones as if they were handlebars.

Basically, I have two speeds…. Hostile or smart-aleck. Your choice.

The commodity I sell is nonsense. Condiments sold separately. Ah, but that’s life, no?

You’ve got some power,” Jakkin said. “One hug—and the lights go out!

I called Vee.”How are you doing?” I asked.”Good. How are you?””Good.”Silence.”Okay,” Vee said in a rush, “I am still totally freaked out. You?””Totally.

I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And,...

Very well.” He sat cross-legged on the floor of the cage. “You haven’t run off so you want to talk. I will hear your explanation now.””Really, Your Majesty? So good of you to condescend. I’ll...

I’ve already seen what you’ve got,” Liz said, completely out of patience. “Now gimme my wine.””It’s not that. I want to show you something at my place.”Do I have Idiot stamped on my forehead? They...

Somebody left a pair of baby shoes on a bench. I would have taken them home, if only they weren’t too big for my feet.

I went to visit my dad. He didn’t say a word to me. Or if he did, I couldn’t hear it through the grass, the dirt, and his coffin lid.

I spent hours yesterday talking of little but medical symptoms and insane asylums. And you listened as though it were poetry and all but swooned at my feet. It is too bad I don’t have...

Rod Cockshutt, Professor Emeritus at N.C. State University called my book, Evidence of Insanity, “an extraordinary achievement” and told me to not change the last 10-15 pages no matter what.

Even Mongo liked him, although Mongo likes everybody. (Also Mongo was so thrilled with himsel for staying in the dog bed till I’d released him that nothing was going to blow his mood.)

I’m lyrically illiterate. Actually, more accurately, I can’t read music.

I should never be left alone with my mind for too long.

My ex girlfriend and I go long periods of time without speaking to each other. And in between those extended stretches, we fill the time with silence.

The stranger was as white as a gallon of milk, and I felt the desire to pour his soul into my coffee. I’d drink him like the ghost of my grandpa.

Babe!

In accordance with the terms of the Clarke-Asimov treaty, the second-bestscience writer dedicates this book to the second-best science-fictionwriter.[dedication to Isaac Asimov from Arthur C. Clarke in his book Report on Planet Three]

Long hair will make thee look dreafully to thine enemies, and manly to thyfriends: it is, in peace, an ornament; in war, a strong helmet; it…deadens the leaden thump of a bullet: in winter, it...

Life’s too short, drive it like ya stole it!

As a journalist, I am compelled to know the answers.””As a girl, I am compelled to protect what’s left of my manicure,” Petra said.

A blanket could be used to suffocate our secret desires. And what do I secretly desire? I desire suffocation, and that is why I must suffocate my desire.

Face to face marketing is like trying to dig a grave with a spoon. Kill it faster with a shovel.

Conflict of interest. I wanted to date somebody who was less screwed up than me, and she wasn’t.

I know a man who drives 600 yards to work. I know a woman who gets in her car to go a quarter of a mile to a college gymnasium to walk on a treadmill,...

Gross.

How many indecisive people does it take to change the world? Just one. And then just one, the same one, to change it back.

Those who believe everything they read probably should refrain from reading.

The Howard Hughes thing hadn’t actually sounded like such a bad deal until about…oh, eight thirty-five this morning. Something about having his ex carry him to the bathroom and help him wash his balls just...